Ok, This Didn’t Happen. Glad I got that off my chest.
Yes, when pushed into a corner I write fictional accounts of my supposed life. For your amusement, and making sure everything is at least plausible.
Sooo, I was in one of them-there big stores that’s got everything. Waiting forever at the counter behind a pair of Thai workers. We have maybe a half a million of them in our country of 7 million. They’d only bought 6 bags of rice and a pair of headphones…to listen to while enjoying the nightly meal of rice and native song-bird stew. Or threatened sea-turtle goulash. We’ve lost 90% of our native fauna since they were ‘invited’ to work here.
Anyway, the Thai language is somewhat familiar by now. Not that I understand more than a word or two, I mean, the sound of it. Almost didn’t pay attention when one said to the other “Kun chun, khun chum, khun cham.” At least that’s what I heard. My buddy just gave me a discreet off-camera hand-motion, running his finger in a circle as if to say ‘Repetitious, ain’t it?’ I quietly agreed.
Meanwhile, here come, in the next aisle, a pair of gender-neutral(?) fellow humans, Russians, I presume.
I drew a major blank. I mean, they both reminded me of that ancient SCTV routine where the joke was “Is it Pat or Patty. Or Patsy?” A thoroughly impossible-to-pin-down actor/actress goes on and everybody is trying with exaggerated manners to somehow ascertain his/her gender.
Anyway, the ‘mystery’ pair had been busily acquiring a half a cart of stuff: work boots fit for Paul Bunion (sp?, unless they don’t fit well), two ‘V’s Secret’ knock-off bras, an inexpensive but powerful-looking cordless impact driver, after-shave and feminine-hygiene products (I typically averted my eyes).. and a pin-up poster of whas-his-name, Bieber?
But it was while they did the sorting, for separate billing, that the plot thickened.
Absolutely equal amounts of stereotypically male/female items were laid out on two moving belts. My buddy, again with the hand-sign language, gave me that motion so familiar here in a land of surprises: hand alternately palm-up/palm down, and an eye-roll/head-move skyward. Translation: ‘Still haven’t a clue. You?’
And I thought a second…. about how Thai sounds so redundant to the foreigner, which we’d both just minutes earlier noticed, and then carefully told him, perhaps with a louder than normal volume:
“They’re ‘BI’, thereby their ‘buy’ makes perfect sense.”
The Thais only glanced uncomprehending; the Russian ‘whatever’s’ were not moved or offended, and I’d made my point.
OK, a small one. Coulda been better if those Ruskies woulda bought, each of ’em, the Parfum Valu-Pak. Yeah, ‘Brut+ Princess of the Nile’ The display says: ‘Sensible scents for just cents!’
Or even one or the other ‘Pat’ holding up the ballet-suit he/she just bought, asking “Is this impromptu tu-tu too ‘Teutonic’ for my bone structure?”
ADD: Anyone guess? I’ll be here till the lights go off. My stoopid WP site is Jxsolberg, But don’t go there until you, G-d forbid, have no other choice/ JS