Monthly Archives: January 2007

Should I consider entering the exciting world of professional cartooning?

    or…”I think maybe this guy’s an Illusion (an Aleutian?)”   (..continuing right along here with our intense literary give-and-take..)

    So I get a voice-message.. Wow! Somebody saw my site and wants me to actually do a cartoon for his poem. He appearantly doesn’t have a computer, (or a pen or pencil.. or a stamp), so he just recites the little ditty.. “No problem“, I think, “that’ll be an extra ten billable minutes“. So I pause the recording and grab what we prose call “a pen and the back of a handy envelope” and try to right  down the poem… (You may have guessed already, I’ve lost some crucial brain cells, and now I can’t even remember where I put them.) The guy’s got an accent, a heavy accent, from somewhere, maybe Jupiter, Uranus, ich vays? Anyway, here’s what I got…Maybe someone sweet can help me figure out WTF I’m supposed to be drawing. (besides psychiatric disability benefits!)


“Muy macho, muy mango” (or.. Goghing, Goghing, Gau-gone..)

   There you go, I figured it all out by myself, duh! That’s right, I never asked… not in so many words. You all thought I put stuff here just so I should have a copy if God-forbid we all get massacred by inhuman waves of radio-active Iranians. Well haha, I save all this priceless ghar’bage in a big box with a lead cover, so not to worry. Only I don’t know if it’s worth anything. I mean, I think so, sometimes, but only comments from readers like you can truly prove or disprove its real merit. So, I repeat my question.. *blushes*
.. oh, and impetigo is a contagious (I think) and rather disgusting skin disease, “bailar conmigo” is Spanish for “dance with me“, a Loo‘s a bathroom, largo‘s slow, “Cognito, ergo tango” is a mis-play of Descartes’ ‘I think, therefore I am’, “tango” is Spanish for ‘I have’ but also the name of a dance, and the mane on a male lion’s back is often thought of a the symbol of his ‘macho-ness’. (I hate doing this part, but it might just make the poem more widely understood, which is so important to me, appearantly). And “I hate it, it sucks and it’s stupid!!” does count as a comment, and will be appreciated. Can’t wait.

Note: the red underlines show the accents, or beats, of the rhythm… so you can read it aloud to your grandchildren…


Ten Guesses

1) I guess that when you find yourself having come back from the Israeli imitation of a 7/11 convenience store (.003/.0015 ®) with a ‘tub’ of ice cream, and after five minutes of failed attempts to open it somehow, and after deciding that No, you will not go and dig out your magnifying glass to try to read what may be ‘instructions’.. which will only make you hate the locals even more, and after concluding that the likely explanation is that ‘Product-packaging’ was probably a forbidden occupation to Jews for 2000 years, thus the woeful proficiency today, and after disgustedly slamming the damned thing down on the floor, where it explodes and covers an entire room with sticky goo, well, I guess the conclusion must be that you’re probably disgusted with more than just ice cream containers…
2) I’m guessing the real problem is Xanga, and by extension, the human race.
3) I guess one would have to be a creative person himself, like a writer or musician, in order to realize that when a guy works hours on something and posts it, he’s probably waiting for constructive feedback.
4) I guess I have to admit that Xanga is decidedly not the place where I’ll ever hear comments like:
   a) ..interesting how each verse is in a different key, yet there are no obvious modulations.
   b) your material deserves better recording technical level, like equalization and mastering. I suggest xxxx…
   c) Q: What’s the deal with the ‘Maidenform bra’? (A: a reference to a famous ad campaign from  the ’60s. Glad you asked!)
   d) I like this song, but you may want to consider whether you’re going for humor or for a dry  point about sex roles..
or e) You said ‘five-part harmony’.. I only hear four. Should I buy a new sound card?
5) I guess this disappointing lack of feedback, (and especially disappointing comming from musicians, writers, and readers who spend much of their time analyzing the commercial material they collect and download into their mega-pods), is just a sad fact of life, which no amount of passive-agressive badgering on my part will ever change.
6) And so I guess I’m done spending hours working on songs with the express intention of immediately putting them here (in order to get some idea of their strong and weak points), only to see that nobody even listened to the songs..
7) I guess the same goes for poems..
8) and stories
9) and cartoons
10) and light-hearted photo-manipulations

Rule One: The more I care about something I publish here, the greater the inevitable disappointment when it turns out I’m just pissing into the Great Ocean of Silence.
….and the conclusion; either ‘Don’t post anything you care about’, or ‘Don’t post anything’. The second option sounds do-able. (not sure I could pull off the first one). And now back to eating ice-cream off the floor. And apologies to those few readers who do sometimes try valiantly to understand my (exagerated?) expectations. JS/ Tel Aviv

Oh, and here’s a cartoon for my niece( from Nice, which I don’t care about). I also don’t care about the cartoon, or the poem, or the clever ‘sixteen, pristeen, fourteen, eight/ate-teen’ trick. Nope, don’t care one bit… about anything… I’m gonna go to law school then, I guess…

bear 18

Niederlandisch?..Entschuldigen Sie, Herr Grun-ray, ich hab ein Fehler gemacht.. heir ist Deutsch, zur Zeit…

Fraulein Kraut-zehn, nur sechzehn, a-
lein in der urspruenglich und
gelbishe  Stein-Gruenanlage, war
aufgefrest…es war ein dunkelhaarig
Kreatur,irrsinnig und schrecklich,
der ist letztlich ein grosse
Item, ein ‘Stargast’ geworden..
der Aufschrei des Schlagzeilen:
“Ursa-baer Nummer achtzehn,
Lebensgefahr fuer Jugendlichen



Finally! Sucessful upload!

   Ok, the song whose lyrics appear in the previous post has been accepted by Xanga’s technical automaton. If anyone else has had problems uploading perfectly playable Mp3s, I can only sympathise. There are obviously xangan requirements in the mp3-format which not all encoders fulfill to the letter. I just wish I knew what they were. As it is, I had to just try them all till one worked. This is not the “World of the Future” I dreamed of. When I grew up, we didn’t use anything we couldn’t take apart and put back together, and the owner’s manual/service booklet assumed you’d want to (or need to!). Anyway, enjoy the song; it’s less than three minutes long, although it may not feel that way. I been lately mostly visited by search-engines, so I guess I ought to invite Google, Yahoo, etc. to sing along. I just hope they ‘get’ the point of the song. And anyone who can draw a quick cartoon of me washing tons of dishes for Venus di Milo, sitting on the counter with her new leggies, complete with black lace-up boots, in a black negligee, but still armless (by choice, I mean, she had three wishes) is welcome to. “Mistaken for a hat, but I need the feathers” is a combination of Oliver Sachs and the old joke about the guy who takes his wife to a shrink, claims she thinks she’s a chicken, and when the shrink asks why he didn’t come sooner, replies, “I would have, but we needed the eggs.”  “The lady with the saw” is the magician’s trick of sawing a lady in half on stage. If you opt for the bottom half (as I did), well, you gotta wash your own dishes. Sometimes it’s worth it. And yeah, I know Micheangelo didn’t do Venus.. hey the guy in the song’s not me, he’s “Weird Owl” (backed up by “The Wisemen“). I now return to the grisly business of uploading the rest of his albumen…

-oh yeah, and in the real dream, i was washing dishes for elgan, hence the calorie-chart and the operatic works, etc. Funny how the mind works sometimes…I should really list her in the album credits.

A man washing dishes?

Well, this song is finished, but Xanga doesn’t like my MP3 converter for some reason. I noticed a while back that only one out of the three Wave to Mp3 encoders I use is good enough for Xan-whatever. And it’s expired, I am told. So here for now are the words to this nifty song with 5 part harmony etc. Back shortly..

man washing dishes

Training the Train or “Poop on the tracks”

Here’s a little interview that Gnudha (“The Holy Gee“) did with Joey Reynolds Jr. of KCQM-FM about a week ago. Joey came prepared, and sympathetic, I’d even say.. (no “Hey, what’s with the horns?” dumb questions). I think it gave the listener(s) a little better idea of what His Rightness is working on..

Joey Reynolds: So, what are you up to, Mr Gnudha?
Gnudha: *holds notepad up to the mike* This!
JR: *laughs* Ok, no, we ain’t on TV yet, buddy.. Says here *reads* Trying to train the train to use the latrine. That’s a.. ah.. a private endeavor?
G: Well, kinda. I got a small grant from the Israeli Transit Authority
JR: How small?
G: Dollar ninety-five, US..
JR: Figured. So.. how’s it going so far?
G: Not so well. Entrenched thought patterns’re hard to break..
JR: Like?
G: Like “Hey, nobody’s looking, I’ll just piss on this tree” ‘n shit like that there..
JR: You tried..
G: Yeah, electronic devices. He disables ’em.. even with the epoxy filler.
JR: ..appeal to conscience?
G: Hell, I appealed to everything but the Holy Trinity.. Dunna wanna work.
JR: Any sucesses, like, at all?
G: Well I did write a little test, it’s now required.. ya know, every train’s gotta pass it before he can go out on the tracks, but..
JR: ..but they ‘dumbed it down’, right?
G: How’d you know? Yeah, five true’n false questions, most of ’em like.. duh!
JR: You know, I’d figure most of the problem’s the caboose.. am I right there?
G: Hell, I didn’t think of that, I been working mainly with the engines.. figured peristalsis’ll just work its way on back. Top down, you know..
JR: I’d say ‘Train your caboose and the rest will follow..
G: Hey, I’ll give it a shot. Something’s gotta work or I’ll have to..
JR: Give back the buck ninety-five, huh, Gnudhie?
G: No, worse..
JR: What could be worse?
G: My other contracts, my reputation, like, the Franco-Israeli Friendship League’s got me lined up to prove that ‘Marcel Proust was never a repressed, over-priced priest with a prostate problem.. or at least that he had no recollection of it, assuming he was..
JR: They’re paying you for that?
G: Nah, that one’s pro-bono. I lose a little on each job, but I make it up on volume..
JR: Well, somebody’s got to do it. Hey our time’s about up, so Good luck with your train-poop..
G: Thanks, Joey.. nice to hear you say that. Bye for now..

gnu on the air

If I were a poet..

….I’d probably write stuff like this here. Not supposed to tell, but it’s obviously about the drive-to-purchase having lately replaced other equally important drives. I was looking at Orion ® (the constellation) over the Galilee ™, and especially appreciated the fact that there were no commercials. He’s really a great hunter, ‘cept that his sword’s a little crooked, and you gotta wait till 2:00 AM before he stands upright. Now if somebody can explain why comet McNaught in its second comming is visible only in the Southern Hemisphere ©. I tried holding an orange and a pea at arm’s length and spinning the pea, but I couldn’t get the mosquito to orbit right…

four thai new


Jingo-Jumble from Jimmy-Ray Grumble

    Re: “dual/duel“. Anyone who ever had his day ruined, (and I refer of course to one of those rare holidays here where we are allowed to both be happy a n d light a fire) by two thoughtless Israelis parked three feet apart, each with his doors hanging open, and with his cheap speakers blaring out his favorite trash-muzak, while they each flail about outside in the ever-growing trash heap, trying to make the maximum smoke-and-light-show from their little Bar-be-Que grill, will understand why they call ’em “duel speakers”.
   Now back to the nuts and bolts of running an on-line poetry course. Maybe I should say “fruits and nuts”. Maybe I shouldn’t. Reading papers takes up valuable time otherwise spent fishing, but some interesting ‘solutions’ to the latest word-list have already arrived. I won’t put them up here as yet, so as not to predjudice equally interesting xanga contributions. But, so you won’t be bored while jsoll spends the next few days back at the Walk-on-the-water job-site, here is an interesting bit of verse, sent in by a “Jimmy Ray” from somewhere in the US South-east. His points are varied.. kinda like deep-sea-fishing catching them. Tell me what you think’s got his goat. Oh, and the French, not to be out-done in the annoyance-racket, have a couple more “duel’s” to contribute. With that I wish you a fond adieu-all, and particularly, adieu-El. The Gnudha

Cries the Deacon of Xanga “More-a-them
Pecans from Banga-lore?”, Send
I-cons to the Yu-kon..(those
i-con-o-clasts!) You can

Follow, as I wallow, in
hollowed-out Apollo-doubt. Con-
spiracy ‘n heresy is
here-you-see, little
Pharisee. Well it

Ain’t like the Fifties, It was 
all black and white. We got
schwartzes in the White-House, I been
drinkin’ all night, Got to

Whip my self to-gether, got to
gather my herd. Heard an
imitation Leatherneck’s out
doubting my Word, There’s a

Market ’round the corner, and
jobs for the ‘teens, selling
‘surance to the foreigner,
counting his beans. So, send the

Red Beets to Baton Rouge,  then I’ll
pass the old baton. It’s
toot sweet to that illusion,
Ciao guys, I’m done.