Monthly Archives: October 2014

My Anonymous Honey: what to do?

I’ll interrupt the palindrome series (plenty new ones to present) while we enjoy for a second the sweet quandry/dilemma I need to address before I go nuts.
In a nutshell: I returned last night after dining out to find a generous bottle of fine honey sitting on the table by the front door. Wrapped in only the top half of the original tissue-paper which perhaps once encased it, there  remained only a small tag saying  ‘Shana Tovah (‘Happy new year). No name, and also no label on the bottle, a generic one kilo (2.2 pound) jar.
And of course the question is: Who left it there? Whom do I thank? (for it is truly delicious!

What does a guy do in a situation like this I ask my ether-advisors?

1) Important to state that ‘It could be just about anybody.’ I have no enemies and tons of folks here for whom giving me a present wouldn’t be a surprise.

2) There may be a down-side of asking acquaintances one by one, whether they gave me the honey. Why, because if not, then they may feel guilty or somthing. They’ll look at the floor, trying to figure how to admit that no, they’ve failed to express their love. And I don’t want to put anyone in that corner.

3) And so the Hint Method: I do have one good friend who has bees, and I almost called him just now, meaning to ask, by the way, how the honey business worked out this year. (I didn’t call mainly because I wanted to write this post first while I still have the question on active.)

4) Ok, not a lot of folks know in fact where I live. I just moved to a new place, a total junkyard of a negleted once-proud house and have spent over a month making it even livable. Meanwhile all the neighbors, many of whom I’ve never talked to, wave at me fondly when driving past. A sign of their usual ‘adoration’ of the small magician in me, who isn’t afraid to work like a dog in order to rescue a house. Any one of them could have given me the honey. And there are also quite a few  satisfied customers, many of whom still owe me money. perhaps the honey is an expression of ‘interest’.

5) Some have suggested a secret female admirer, her battle plan-of-attack being the mysterious giving of gifts. I don’t know what to think: I’m cute, admittedly and all options are open. Maybe her next move will be to break in (not much of a challenge so far) and to wash all the dishes, do the laundry, and leave me a warm meal on the table? Thinking that at that point I’ll be powerless to resist. Hmm..

6) Anyway, hard to sleep until I know the truth. In one sense it’s agruably a bit thoughtless(?) to put an innocent guy in a fructo-limbo like this.

Soooo… anyone know, maybe from experience, how to make this all turn out well?

 

Day-to-day Palindrome use: A guide: with examples. Part One

Greetings Readers! I’ve been absent online for over a month; my apologies. Let’s just say that if I explained why, I’d have to kill y’all, god forbid. So let’s just move on toward a more peaceful world.
Ok Palindromes: phrases which ‘spell’ the same left-to-right or vice versa. I use the search for them to fall asleep nights and have a couple to present here.
For some reason it’s important to me, first off, to state that with the exception of the first examples all the ‘creations’ I post are my own ‘discoveries’ as far as I know. There are enough google-miners these days; somehow we’ve forgotten the joy of creating ‘content’ all by our precious lonesomes; and I do not intend to go gently into that copy-cat wanna-be night.

Start:
Using palindromes daily is a challenge, I’ll admit. The classic ‘A MAN A PLAN A CANAL PANAMA‘ had its day once, in the early 20th century but is now so ‘yesterday’. Likewise the luscious Lisa Bonet has for over a decade eaten basil. ever since she started putting on weight after her Cosbys romps.
…And so we are condemned to swim ever onward and upward against the tide, by own own devices. And equally important is the need to constantly check the sea. so to speak. As in: not every conversation-partner is as fascinated by palindromes as he/she should be, in a perfect world. For this I suggest waiting until the ‘victim’ evokes some rhyming cliche/guide to Life, and then quickly stating:
E-GAD, AN ADAGE!’ If the dear soul seems to raise a thoughtful eyebrow, and, by chance, has a cat or dog within reach, you can follow with ‘STEP ON NO PETS!’, and the start of a beautiful relationship may well be in the cards.
Ok Examples: Do note that each palindrome requires a particular luck of set-up. You may well spend the better part of a year finessing all the ducks into line for the magic verbal bullet, but know that Dr Greblos will reward you profusely when you go to that final DRAWER… um.. REWARD, in the skies. Let’s begin:

1) Here’s one for a beloved fellow Word-pressor, Mr Roadkill himself.

TIM MUST ASK CAJUN GAL FOR (ROFL) A GNU. JACK’S AT SUMMIT.
Ok, despite being laudably proficient in a larger-than life list of realms, our hero, Tim decided to race his childhood buddy Jack to the top of Mt Belzoni, Louisiana’s highest peak. It was neck and neck, we’ll say charitably, for the first kilometer or so, but those of us watching and cheering him on soon started in with ‘Get a horse!’ and the like. Sure enough, four hours into the match, Tim agreed, and entered into negotiations with a female zoo-keeper, there at the critical ‘Mile 15’ waypoint, who offered for a fee, to allow him to ride a wildebeast to the top. Too late though; after shelling out his last 350 shekels and mounting the brute, he heard on the radio that Jack was already drinking Heinekin(s) at the peak. Oh well, at least we all had a nice chuckle. And anyway, Jack’s a bonehead mono-lingual, so look who laughs last.

2) This one’s a bit sad, but c’est la vie:
TOM got a bit more than he expected on his vacation to BOSNIA. A bit of a drip, let’s say, courtesy of the ladies of pleasure:

BOSNIA: GASP… EEW… SUPPLE HYDRA TALE: TOM/ MOTEL, A TARDY ‘HELP!’; PUS WEEPS AGAIN. SOB.
One needs to be wary of the tentacles of the songstresses on the riverbanks. Oh well, penicillin may save him. At least the staff at the hostel send their condolences, along with an ‘I told you not to…’

3) This short one none-the-less requires searching for a guy named Eli (common enough in these parts) who has a reason to attach an explosive device to the vehicle hired by a debutante for her ‘coming out’ gala affair. Talk about a party-pooper:
ELI BOMBED A DEB-MOBILE

4) BAD PISTON, PLUGS. GOD DAMN! IT IS SO T…’TARDED… ARGZZ! Z-GRADE. DRAT. TOSS IT IN. MAD DOGS GULP, NOT SIP, DA ‘B’
Ok, for this one we need to simply buy an MG-B. A sweet motorcar; I’ve owened a bunch of ’em. Of course keeping the engine running can be a maddening challenge. One becomes convinced that hounds from hell are gnawing on the motor, especially the specific sub-standard components which go with the turf. And so, sooner or later you will find yourself quoting this palindrome. All in all, still beats the Sunbeam Alpine with its steel block and aluminum head… or vice versa…

5) And finally, for this go-around,
HANDEL’S ‘BOB‘ STIPULATES: ‘SET AL UP!’ IT’S ‘BOB-SLED’? NAH.
Many of you may be unaware the Georg Frederich Handel (of ‘The Messiah’ fame) also wrote a short teaser work he called ‘Bob’. And only for the smirking pleasure of watching his rival, Albrecht Handelbar, a composer of little note but a noted Austrian downhill racer par excellence discover that the work was in fact not, *NOT* about bob-sledding. The penned-in liner notes are variously read as ‘For Al, what a tosser!’ or something even less generous.
At any rate should you be at a performance of this piece, be sure to remember this phrase. It’ll be a once-in-a-lifetime chance.

I’ll shortly return with more even-more usable palindromes you can use daily to spice up your conversational life. Meanwhile keep your ROTORs LEVEL/ JS