Monthly Archives: December 2014

Let’s pore thru three more quirks from Doctor ‘O’

Duncan, my guidance-counselor on just about everything proposed a nifty quantitative assessment formula in a comment on the last batch.
And so here are a few new palindromes for perusal:

This one’s about a DIY web-site for amateur crustacean plastic surgeons. I opened it with another Dr. ‘O’, Oliver Pond, after finding no similar site on the net. We even received a bar-code for the info-packets we intend to sell once word gets around. Stupid me misplaced it though. That snafu, plus a less-than perfect ‘outcome’ on the trial run I did and misgivings about overstating the number of claimed satisfied customers on our resume are the only problems so far.

DID IT MAH-SELF.NET…TO RE-DO A CRAB’S TITS. OLIVER POND ‘N’ I FIND NO ‘PREV’. I LOST ITS BAR-CODE. ROTTEN FLESH? AMT I DID?

And if anyone’s bored here’s what’s on TV. Yep I’m the guy who writes the ‘teases’ about up-coming shows. Hey, it’s a living.This one sounds interesting.

OK: NOW ON ‘SERF CITY’: LANA REVONA’S AN OVER-ANALYTIC FRESNO WONK…-O

And finally, this high-impedance piece de resistance: A fragmented tale of drug-running. ‘Alto Gatro’ (his street name) met up with a guy who sounds suspiciously like moi and are doing this deal as a team. prolly a bigger horse than either of ’em knows how to ride. Plus, ‘Alto’s recently-acquired Spanish might not be up to the task. Shoulda taken his girl Maria along. ‘Solbonk’, him of the many names, may be cop too… Tough, outside of the law:

SORTA GOT LATINO TOO LATE. BIG IGLOO!. CAN U RETRO-FLY MARIA TO HANOI MA? I’M TOO WASTED. A VETERAN I’M NOT. *SOB*
AN ITEM IN A KNOB-LOS RAG: ‘DER ODER SEITUNG’. ‘GNU-TIES RED’ (OR ‘EDGAR SOLBONK’) ‘N’ I MET IN A BOSTON MINARET. (EVADE TSA..WOOT!)
MIAMI ON A HOT AIR AMYL-FORTE RUN. A COOL GIG; I BET A LOOT ON IT. -‘ALTO GATROS’.

They be gettin’ longer. Better?

1) Ok, This first one requires some investment. You need to know about the famous TV detective, ‘Rose’ who each week tracks down a different reclusive millionaire. This week’s colorful fella, both an oil baron and a medical doctor, was located in the geriatrics ward of Mt. Sinai Hospital. Admitted under two (2) false names, he confided with the likable Detective Rose, even detailing the circumstances by which he contracted his disease.

DET. ROSE TRACES DOC AT SINAI: RENE GOT POLIO AT A GERBIL-LAMINATER/E-T/ANIMAL LIB REGATA. OIL OPTOGENERIAN, IS ‘TACO DESCARTES’, OR ‘TED’

2) This one I wrote yesterday for Elgan of Xanga fame, now ‘My world and welcome to it’ and still my fav Canadian.. It describes another sleuth who sought her secret of whirlwind vocal accomplishments:

HE TUGS ELLA’S TIME LOG; ‘RED ROSE ‘N O.J. AT TEN A.M.’ EL USES UMLAUT; CANADIAN ACE CAN AID AN ACTUAL MUSE- SULEMAN? ETTA JONES? ‘DER GOLEM?? IT’S ALLES GUT, EH?

3) Back in the USA, where Deleware’s powerful Moravian lobby has finally pushed through the ‘No More Avians!’ Bill in the State-house. Bad news for feather-fetish perverts.

‘GOOSE PORN ON ROPES’:
OOGLED NICE ‘DEMO’S? ENOLA ‘X’-ES ORGASMS? SMS AGRO-SEX?
A LONESOME DEC IN DEL: GOOSE PORN ON ROPES. OOG!

4) And possibly the most far-fetched: this report on my daughter Lucy’s budding career. I only recently allowed my kids to skip school for stuff… like this ORCA to-do. Her exhibit was excellent; just a shame the venue was on a dead-end street down by the sewage plant, nameless for now. I tried to suggest one but the stench inspired only gibberish. They do need to work on it though.

UN-TIE BRATS… AN’ MY GAL SET SAIL; ALAS AN EMO, STILL A COED. ORCA SHO-CASED LUCY: KNITS, ANIMALS, L.A. ERA. A REAL SLAM…IN A STINKY CUL DE SAC(!) OH SACRO DEO!, CALL IT SOME NASAL ALIAS, TESLA GYMNAST… ARBEIT NU!

Ok, I’m kinda thinking three lines shall henceforth be my minimum. This last one from an hour ago took a half hour to write, so if I can sell it for 50 shekels I’m covering expenses.

And as usual, what does anybody think… by the numbers/ Dr ‘O’

‘O-PAL’s Winter Collection: Ladies Dresses; Half off!

Yeah we’re almost giving ’em away. Nice longish palindromes for every occasion.

The background stories (included at no charge) are mostly fictionalized first-person versions of true stories. I decided to go that route since, you know, I wuz there when they were created.

1) Back when I did the orchestra for beauty pageants I always seemed to meet one contestant who had some special charm, class, and sweetness. We’d talk some backstage before the show, and I always felt that in a perfect world she would win. She never did, and I often made a point to console her briefly afterwards.
Now here’s ‘Simon’s note to…call her ‘Pussy’ after learning early from a judge that she hadn’t won. Never had a chance up against ‘Miss Yada’, barely covered by her knock-off Vicki’s Secret doilies:

NO, MISS YADA WON, PUSSY. BANAL LACE-WARE ERA! WE CALL AN ABYSS ‘UP’ NOWADAYS– SIMON.

2) Anyway, looks like mothers will soon be treated to a unique pilot projet embracing tribal and animistic medine to combat their pesky tropical ailments. The doctors seem quite proud of it, but we shall see whether words, sacrifices and natural foods produce results:

DOCS BRAG: US ‘WAR ON DUMB MALARIA’ TO HELP ‘MA’ ; AMPLE HOT AIR, A LAMB, MUD, NO RAW SUGAR, B-S, AND COD.

3) My buddy Greg, an improbable mix of pilot and junkie like moi turned me on to something a bit strong even for my tastes. We’d just been discussing radio ettiquitte an’ I asked him:

‘DO I SAY ‘ROGER, GREGORY.’ AS I O.D?’

4) I asked him if he ever considered returning to his small home-town in Tennessee; he’d left the place abruptly several years ago. He was quick to answer:

‘NO SIR! PANI, TN? IT’S A STINT IN A PRISON!’

5) I raced home, kinda DUI, just in time to give my Dad, still not speaking after his stroke, a lift to some birthday event for a friend of his I hadn’t met. He came in the door with a bag of fruit gift-wrapped. Our conversation:

DON’T SIT, PA…BANANAS, EH? HE’S AN ANABAPTIST??
*NOD*

Dat’s it for this page. Lots of other gowns in the back but some of ’em need alterations. Keep in touch/’O’

…and I’d be thrilled to hear, by the number, which ‘dress’ is attractive or not. I really haven’t a clue what a palindrome’s selling points are.