Monthly Archives: September 2011

Found a peanut… underground!

I was just innocently digging in the garden today when I came across this(!)

Probably those same atheist nut cases who spent all that time burying giant fake bones they cast in their garages working with the lights off. Just to prove that the Almighty God needed billions of years to get it right (?) with homo sapiens. Most of us know better, and it won’t work on me, infidels.
Not this time. Like millions of other unashamed Believers, I happen to know that peanuts are created in them there fancy metal boxes with the lighted up buttons. You find lots of ’em in office hallways. The Mommy and daddy Peanuts feed on the little  metal discs we push through the slots, and if we are Kind and Patient, they come out to say a big cheery ‘Hi there!’, dressed in their festive transparent plastic finery. Ok, some of them are created at high altitudes, where passenger jets harvest them to give out as souvenirs to the travelers. But underground? Don’t make me laugh.
There were no tracks or signs as to how the perpetrators might have worked this deception, and the peanuts themselves tasted just perfect. Still. it’s a thoughtless thing to do, to wrench them from their natural, well-oiled dispensing machine, remove their clothing (!), and bury them alive underground. Whoever done this seriously needs to Get Right with God.

My most thoughtful Xanga comment ever

      I’m in tears. For the rest of my life I’ll never think about footwear without remembering the time and effort an anonymous guy or gal named, modestly g1827 spent composing this comment (below) on yesterday’s ‘Gnutrino’ post. Never mind that it has zilch to do with the topic. What’s a dumb sub-atomic particle worth anyway, compared to this heartfelt gift?
I’ll let the Readers appreciate the text, and my thoughts (in red) as I read it, becoming more overcome with emotion with every line:

“The quantity of days perhaps you have noticed your toes had been miserable from the shoes or boots you have put on?
{Yes, truly a non-trivial quantity, as we mathematicians put it. And ‘miserable? I have indeed taken to calling my feet ‘Les Miserables’ lately.}
The quantity of days perhaps you have were required to drench your toes right after putting on an awfully uneasy boot?
 {Ah,‘ drenching’. If it only worked as advertised. Before today I’d reconciled to probably wearing my ‘uneasy’ boots unto my ‘unquiet grave,} 
Most certainly women’s check simply no additional with the option is here plus it will come beneath manufacturer T boots?
{Have to differ with ya there, bro. Women’s check, in my experience, does often come with an ‘additional, but why nit-pick?}
Inside several models which range from bridal flowers printing to make sure you gorgeous leather-based, most of these residences try to make your toes seem like that you’ve completed all of them a massive like.mbt shoes ,
{Right on. The bridal flower motif shoulda worked its magic, but no luck. I’m on pins and needles now. Do go on.}
Simply consider the particular HB Deep blue Inflammed Trainer.moncler weste , The application evokes the look about ease andcomfort as well as reliability and will become put on since constantly to religious organization as it might into a supper party.
{Oy, a way with words you have, Sir or Madame. And what good is a shoe, religious or secular, which is not ‘become put on’? Never looked at it that way.}
Should you become out of the house more frequently yet can’t stand in order to cramp an individual straight into a past, smelly sneaker?
{Yup, that’s me to a ‘T’. trying to cramp them damn individuals whom I can’t stand into the past.So, shoes are the answer, you say?}
Look at the actual HB African american Running shoe 237. Through only 1 check you are able to notify it is the ideal match regarding walking throughout the playground and window searching around.
{Bingo. And I’d thought dumbly to stick with my Italian fence-climbers with the pointy toes. I’m sold already, and we needn’t discuss pedophilia or voyeurism. Expect a check in the mail for a couple dozen pair of ‘237’s What I do with ’em is my business, right?}} 
You could start to provide the HB Black color Suede Running shoes 201 a go? There’re since breathable because they usually are more comfortable. HB athletic shoes provide you with each feasible set of sneakers you’ll need for virtually every celebration you can actually come up with.
 {Hell, I feel like celebrating already! Who’da thought I could come up with something feasible right here on Xanga?}

HB young ladies shoes or boots certainly are a required product or service for virtually every girl that beliefs a powerful footwear for women which will looks just like the idea supports. HB shoes or boots provides you with the obviously outlined and also dependable houses designed for tired foot which can be tired with hard stiletto heel shoes but they also even so support the lovely pattern which usually virtually any young lady would love to have. HB young ladies shoes or boots possess this type of vast choice of boot designs in which possibly even in case you wanted yet another wide range stiletto heel shoes; a person pleased to see answers to that cramping pains and also unpleasant versions by means of other sorts of manufacturers.
{Perfect! My young virtual ladies are all powerful, and so we have here a perfect fit. And stilleto? I may need restraints.}

HB Shoes and boots provides flower, brown leafy leather-based, black color leather-based, merged coloured leathers, suede within the diverse vary as well as various other unheard of types that can definitely come across their particular method directly into each individual woman’s sneaker carrier.
{Wow, that’s some heavy organic unheard-of styling.}
HB sneakers would be the great organization you might have become waiting giving you solutions within the critical pair of shoes to produce everyone easy when you are away from home.
{Man, you read my mind. I die every day from the effort to produce easy. And here I finally found the right organization.} 
How might you deposit all the ease and comfort as well as wonderful rates associated with HB Shoes or boots for virtually every several other product which may almost certainly result in very seriously wounding your shoe subsequently after getting damaged for the purpose of days or weeks at any given time?
{Great question. Yeah, wounded shoes gather no moss, as the saying goes.}
It’s not possible to none in the event you deposit that fabulous and also practical patterns on the HB girls footwear assortment. There’re geared towards eliminating always be used and as you are requiring a set of shoes or boots intended to withstand the examination of energy equally well mainly because they might impress your pals within whatever function, HB Shoes or boots produces precisely what thinking of.
{Amazing. That’s me in a nutshell. What you said.}

Proceed outside the time connected with irritating, stuffy footwear in which get away from your toes through anguish subsequently after simply several hours involving sporting all of them.
{I think I love you. Getting away from my toes has always been , you know, a dream of mine.}
Investigate HB girls shoes and boots for the purpose of cool solutions which are secure, sturdy, stylish and as well affordable. If it is time for you to redefine oneself, begin from the ground upwards having HB trainers.
{No need to add a word. Today will be the first day of the rest of my life, redefined by your incalculable prescience in sending me this personal message. Thank you from the bottom of my feet.}

I must point out that 95% of the sweet comments I receive here move me deeply. Just that this one moved me somewhere I’d never been. Now to try on these new shoes…

Nu, nu, nu, Moti !

     It’s been known about in tight circles for 30 years or so; the existence of yet another neutrino, the fourth to be discovered, after the electron, muon, and tau ‘flavours, and named the ‘gnuon’, after its associated ‘particle’ 
‘Who ordered this shit?!’ has never been more appropriate than in the case of the ‘gnuon’, (Vgn) which, unlike its featherweight brothers carries a sizable rest mass. (on the order of 268.017 kilograms!) It moves in a vacuum (but not for very long) at velocities up to 17.7 meters/sec. (40 miles a hour for you stuck-in-the-mud types) Strongly interacting with matter, (oddly, for a neutral lepton,) the ‘gnuon’ makes cosmic detritus out of any enclosure one is brash enough construct to enclose it. Yet it can be constrained (like the American Bison, about which the owner’s manual dryly states ‘…this animal will stay inside any fence it feels like staying inside of…’
Anyway, our Israeli possibly well-meaning whistle-blower/traitor, Mordecai Va’anunu, working at the Dimona nuclear research site in the Negev desert, {sources have revealed to this writer}, was aware of this dangerous novelty being occasionally spit out in experiments with Tritium decay products. And it was for this reason, and not the open secrets he in fact revealed, that his little Show ‘n Tell episode with the British tabloid ‘Sunday Times’ needed to be nipped in the bud sooner rather than later. Thanks, Cindy, now go take a shower and try to forget about it.
I myself am risking  personal freedom by stating out loud, here on an uncensored Xanga, that:
“Va’anunu knew new ‘gnu’ neutrinos were being created”.
There, I said it and I’m glad. Give me a call, Cindy. And don’t bank on subduing me before the grand climax this time.

Phishing anyone?

    Yesterday my Spam folder on G-mail contained a message purportedly from the Fulton Bank (where I do happen to have an account) The text looked a bit amateurish, full of subtle errors (awkward wording, failed word-wrap, etc. Still, the Bank’s legitimate site itself has provided not one but two Xanga Posts on today’s modern on-line duh-less-ness.
1) They loudly trumpeted
“Less Clicks!!” as the thrilling feature of some page make-over: Well, I think you learn in third grade that countables are ‘fewer’ and pourable shit like…um… Stupidity can be either More! or Less!
2) No sooner had they clicked that campaign off into the cyber-trashcan then here comes a ‘typical’ photo of a ‘typical’ happy customer on their new Banner: a black fellow, kinda pudgy,
holding his cute li’l daughter. Problem was, you moused-over the pix and saw a pop-up of the
(in-house?) name-tag: mother and daughter(!)

Ok, so on that shaky background I was ready to accept a not-ready-for-prime-time email.

Take a quick look at the thing, and decide whether you might have fallen for it. Try to pretend
you’re me, a guy who grew up trusting everyone, and who was taught to do what the suit-coats say, even if it is kinda unintelligible.

But I’m growed-up now so this time I did the following:
1) Tried to sign into my Fulton account, using the shortcut I have on my very own Desktop….and got a weird half-rendered torn-up page I’ve never seen before telling me my account may have been locked. It wanted my user-name, about which I modestly kept silent at that point and clicked out…

2) Google searched ‘Fulton Bank spam email‘ something like that. One of the first results took me right back to the bogus(?) sign-in page I’d just escaped! Major plot-thickening-ness.
Cup of coffee, then:

3) Searched the supposed link hypertexted into the suspect email, and bingo, a report from the UK of the identical message and link. From a couple years ago. The poster,a volunteer who I assume never even heard of Fulton Bank luckily pointed out that the link was ‘spoofed’. Now I was doubly glad I hadn’t dreamed of clicking on it.
4) Back to G-mail and my Spam Files. I mouse-over-ed the link and ‘Print-Screen-ed the display. Sure enough, the greasy dirtball had stuck the real name of the dirty target down there where the wary could easily see it. Guess I ain’t wary. I hadn’t noticed the discrepancy, even though I usually do check when folks link to stuff with only the words ‘go here’ and ‘there’.
Anyway, the point of this public service post be warned.

And maybe it’s instructive to reveal a bit of my own naivety once in a while. A Safe Surf, and

Happy Rosh Hashanah tomorrow/ JS

Experimental Goulash from Johnny’s “I hate Neutrinos” Cookbook

     I told someone yesterday that I hate neutrinos and it’s true. Always have. Remind me of rats loose in the house. Can’t catch ’em, can’t keep ’em out, can’t even play with them. Just a waste of time; multi-mega-nanos of seconds spent chasing their evil darting paths into new hiding places. Quick little buggers they are, neutrinos

Um, quicker than we thought. With a ‘rest mass’ of a couple mere electron volts, they shouldn’t even be able to fly as fast as photons; at the speed of light, (or as I prefer, the speed of reality)
But, as even those living under bridges have certainly heard these past few days, fly they do, and faster than the light in a vacuum. (*ed- for those of you who have the Pro-suck™ model with the handy night-light on the front-)
Everybody seems to have something to say about the discovery; pronouncements with various levels of enlightenment and clarity. Crackpots have declared a national holiday, and are using the preliminary findings from CERN to ‘prove’ the ‘I told you so!’of any pet gadget they happen to be selling to the unwary.
But this is a cookbook, (sorry), and so here is my culinary comment, ‘both interesting and ‘original‘, with all the perils thus implied. It’s not a ‘thought experiment, like EPR or Shroedinger’s Cat (originally) were. More like the Alain Aspect trials where skilled constructors actually get down on hands and knees to solve questions (in that case the truth of the Bell Inequality Theorem) (Lots of stuff to Google there, fascinating nights of reading when you should be doing your homework or taking the cat out for a walk)
So the folks at CERN and St. Gasso(? wherever) measured the Time of Flight of bursts of neutrinos and found that the little eunuch rats arrived in the French cave faster than light. Only 60 nanoseconds, but today, a nanosecond isn’t some unbelievably short interval, impossible to measure. The GPS on your cheap phone measures ’em every time you get lost going to the mall, and I fight with nanosecond switching times on transistors every day.

So what does this have to do with food?
Answer: Lots. Your Mom makes all kinds of dishes; some you like, some you detest. And if you just had a way to know she was brewing up that evil Cilantro-Eggplant Meringue Surprise Goulash ‘before’ she started, well, you could take measures. Some sharp knives in the third drawer from the left. (not to give you any ideas…)
But unfortunately, information travels, at best, at the speed of light. In fact, for sanity’s sake, Special Relativity absolutely condemns info to heed the cosmic speed limit.
But now we have a breakthrough. And break on through we shall. Just follow the following instructions.
 The CERN/ OPERA experiments (all 16000+ of them) used a distance from the kitchen to the dining room table of 732 kilometers (+/- eight inches) No tunnel was needed; neutrinos blast through light-years of solid lead like rats through an open door.
Now some arithmetic:
Light/info travels 299,792,458 meters each second. Doesn’t ever stop for gas or to piss. And so it makes the trip from Switzerland to France in about 2.44 thousandths of a second. Not a lot of elapsed time, but long enough for your mom to commit her cutting hand’s atrophied muscles to slicing the first eggplant, and by then you’re dead meat.
But the neutrinos, though, (you know, the ones created by the beta decay of her aging brain cells during the planning stage), get to your table 60 nano-seconds earlier than the light in the kitchen. Sixty thousandth’s of a millionth of a second. Not a lot of help. Like getting a death sentence moved from 6:00 AM to 6:30 AM. No, what we need is enough warning time so that we can get the f*ck out of harm’s way ‘before’ the die has been cast over there in the kitchen.
Smells like time travel, and it truly is, speaking of killing yer mom.
So how far apart must we be till the neutrinos’ speedy flight would enable them to relay us the news before the event even happened? We’d then be able to fire the LASER beam (*not included) at Mommy Dearest, or at least at her dumb vegetables, frying her, or them to an inedible crisp.
Well, again, math to the rescue. The average diameter of the Earth is about 12,735 kilometers. (dig a hole straight down through the kitchen floor and when you come out the other side of the world, that’s how far from home you’ve wandered, so to speak. Now this number is a little more than 17 times as far as the CERN’s baseline. That means that their 60 nanosecond head-start, after you dug your hole, of course, is multiplied to a healthy 1020 nanoseconds. Whew, we can even go back to more graspable units, like calling it one microsecond + change. All the difference in the world. Even my old 6502 computer boards, working with a 2 Mhz clock, sat around and played with their private parts waiting for a whole microsecond to go by. Plenty of time now to fire the laser and kill the beast.
So, bottom line, what does this Apocalypse look like?
Well, you carefully ready and aim the laser, and watch the neutrino-detector (just out of curiosity; everything’s electronically-switched) with one eye and with the other, your doomed Mom, who has no idea of the excellent trick we about to play on her. Hmm, she’s dicking around at the counter, a cartoon light-bulb above her head hinting: “Yeah, that’s what I’ll make for dinner!”

Don’t forget that your light-conveyed info about her reality is lagging her space-time world (if she even has one) by about six hundreths of a second. Now if you hadn’t sprung for Johnny’s Neutro-Goulash-killer you’d be up a crick. You’d helplessly watch her start the ‘food-preparation’ and that’d be it. Hung at dawn. But wait! The neutrino-buzzer sounds, triggers the laser and Kablooie! You smugly watch your hapless mom going for the knife just as the fireworks demolish her best-laid plan. Later, after the smoke has cleared, she’ll likely yell down the hole: “Now how’d you know what I had on the menu, Buster?” Don’t answer that question. It would violate the Time Traveller’s Rules of Order. Just calmly say “Lucky guess, Mom. Hey, what’s for supper?”

Yes, I of course do  herein propose and support a Long Baseline setup of the Neutrino excursion project. The receiving station must simply have enough time to send back its own neutrino burst in time for the transmitting facility to cancel the original sending of the initial neutrinos. Voila, we will then have nicely killed our own Mom, metaphorically speaking. Good work, little neutered ones. This may be the start of a changed relationship between us. JS/ Tel Aviv.

Wu: So that’s why you bought those two shovels?
Me: Yeah, Tel Aviv’s antipode falls right in the middle of the South Pacific. About as far as you can get from Chile and New Zealand.
Wu: Ha, your Mom know how to swim, if she falls in?
Me: No, but don’t let on. Be just like her to take lessons while we dig.
Wu: While ‘we’ dig?
Me: Sure, two shovels. We buddies, right.
Wu: Um.. just keep the second one as a spare. Never know what might happen down there.
Me: Ok, fine. I’ll get Albert to help…

Pavane for a Dead (?) Kitten

Admission: I didn’t even know my camera could take ‘moovies’. My previous photographic boat-anchor was a Russian Pentax knock-off I got in the parking lot of a club from a junkie after I figured out he was putting my rent income in his arm. The thing was…um.. ‘warm to the touch’, but it worked.
Anyway, I was looking at a batch of new photos a few weeks ago. I’d just loaded ’em into The Computer (another derelict from a dead-beat) and one of them ‘moved’. ‘Bout fell off my chair! Turned out I’d accidentally hit a button somewhere. Clever people, the Fujis

So I was ready when my kitty disappeared:
I’d put this horizontal-axis Savonius-principle windmill up in the air the day before. The cat sat and watched it all day, entranced. He probably got a stiff neck from turning side-to-side for hours like the judges at ping-pong tournaments.
Later that night I realized I had a re-use for a discarded metal band lying in the street, and quickly built a kalimba music-box to be played by the rotation. The ‘song’ was kinda an accident; the length-of-tine isn’t a linear function of pitch, so I was stuck with a morbid minor-key collection of notes. I made it run once for a quick test at midnight, fed the kitty, and went to sleep.
In the morning it was already playing this funeral dirge, through the window, in an 8 mph breeze. Something registered, and sure enough, my kitty had apparently ‘gone on to his reward’ overnight. No sign of him, the little six-month old boy. Not flat on the street and not hiding somewhere injured by a competing bully male.
Meanwhile ‘Nevermore–the Music Box’ droned on inexorably all day, sounding more and more like the music accompanying JFK’s final journey in DC in November’64. Entered my head that maybe the kitten had heard the music and took it as a portent. Or a hint?

Anyway, I used my newly-discovered movie feature to shoot this clip. No Steady-Cam.™, although it’s probably in there somewhere. (Read the Book.) I posted the video and thought for a while what to say….

Two days later, 11:30 PM, the cat meowed at the door(!).
“Where the hell were you?”
He just looked at me and indicated that his food dish was empty. No explanation offered, and I’ll most likely never know what happened.

Oh and and today I suddenly realized (duh) that I can simply snip a bit off of the two ‘offending’ tines; raise the minor third to a major, and the flat 6 to a major 6. Remake of ‘Don’t worry, be happy’
Dunno, the result might be too sickly sweet. I’ve gotten used to hearing ‘Pavane for a Dead Cat’ on repeat in the backyard. It don’t even sound sombre anymore. “Life’s a bitch, and then you get run over.” my kitty says, wise for his age.