“So.. could you do it with a pelican?”
An encouraging question, rather like at a job interview, when you sense that they’re actually starting to fantasize about… um..You, as An Employee.
And to tell the truth, by this point, I was okay with ‘doin it’ even with a flock, no, a bevy or a horde of Vultures watching overhead, all of ’em certain of an impending feast.
Outside, through her kitchen window, it was getting dark, possibly something to do with the setting sun, or maybe just another rain-event in theNorthwest.
She undid a button, maybe two, in her blouse; A millisecond, a deliberate act; I try not to be caught noticing these things. They know, though.
“PELICAN‘? Of course, Eli. Child’s play.” I announced, trying to radiate a confidence in my powers, and not entirely without backing.
“Although they do have a rather large bill, no?” I added, knowing she would jump on the pun.
“We can pay ‘after’..” Eli laughed. “..or yearly..” Two more buttons. I averted my gaze, but in the wrong direction, unintentionally eyeing the short path to her bedroom. No pelicans in there, at least from my vantage point.
“Hmm..” I needed a quick reaction-plan. “Yearly? That would be a FISCAL PELICAN year. Or depending on the amount, a HI FISCAL PELICAN bill. We’d need a HI-FI SCALPEL just to cut the check.
“No, guy, They don’t charge that much just to watch..” Eli did something I wasn’t allowed to notice with her attire. “SCALPELICANS are a dime a dozen where I come from..”
“That’d be ‘heaven‘, right?” I was proud of that little aside. She took one of those short troubled breaths I always wished I knew more about, and then:
“S-CAL PELICANS. Southern Cal, um…duh”
“Yeah, like I said, ‘Heaven‘” I smiled. California, despite TV footage of Watts, LA traffic jams, and the collapsed Oakland freeway is for me forever frozen in the ’60s: Hendrix at Monterey, Disneyland..ok, even the ‘Bleach Boys’. Eli knew a different scene entirely, but sweetly decided not to correct me.
“…So we won’t need a HI-FI S-CAL PELICAN TRAP to catch one?” I offered, as if relieved. I had already ‘bought’ the assumption that we’d be needing a pelican, there in the room, watching enviously as we dizzily explored each other’s…um..’pelicans’. Yes dizziness. Heights will do that to you.
“I can SCALPEL.” I told her, not really knowing why. These complex fowl are as tricky to judge as landing a high-wing aircraft in a thirty-knot crosswind. I looked at her breasts, slyly visible now, and prayed that my dumb “SCALPEL” wouldn’t remind her too much of some bio-lab disection episode…
“..But not while I’m doing anything else.” I covered my tracks. “You know, like, IF I SCALPEL, I CAN’T RAP.”
She liked it.. Her hair in my face all of a sudden. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, my fingers on the small of her back as I breathed out slowly.
In my ear, almost a whisper, she asked, “But can you RAPPEL?”
“If you hold the ropes, Eli..” I whispered, as we walked or fell toward the bed. And with the few remaining corpuscles left in the, like, ‘brain’ part of my body, I grasped where she was going..
“I CAN“ I said, “..and then we get another free PELICAN.”
“Good…for tomorrow morning.” Eli seemed relieved to get to ‘the good part’, and was busily tossing unnecessary apparel onto the floor.
“We need to write this down?” I laughed, as if I had any intention of being a stenographer, there, with the setting sun and the new smells to explore.
“Nah, ‘sounds mechanical’.” She answered, the perfect Bugs Bunny accent. “Plus, I’ll remember. ‘Child’s play’, didn’t you call it? HIFISCALPELICANTRAPPELICAN.”
Something was missing though. Even in our euphoria I could still count heads.
“The bird! Wait, where’s the bird?” I asked Eli, as seriously as I could manage.
“She’ll be here at eleven, she’s got a key. Somehow I’d thought it would take longer to get you where I need you. You and your dumb letters..” She closed her eyes in the dim light and showed me where, precisely, she needed me.
Hope no one minds these little adventures. This didn’t really happen, of course. It was an ALBATROSS. Hmm..