Tag Archives: sweet corn

Help! Mexican Rapist Cats are eating all my sweet corn!

Not all of my problems have solutions,  and I knew I was out of luck when the only search-results on Google for “prevent cats from eating my corn” were cute-kitty YouTube videos, or articles addressing whether gobbling my carefully-planted livelihood, already barely worth the investment, might harm their precious health.

Yup, the next cat I catch going down a row and taking a destructive bite out of every other ear… she’ll have some ‘health problems’, trust me!

Trying not to blame Trump for this, although I spent 66 happy years never seeing either his ugly face or a cat eating sweet corn. It’s become a huuuge problem since the ill-fated election of 2016.
‘I’ll build a great, great fence around our nation’s corn-fields, attach solar panels… and ‘the cats will pay for it!’,  I caught myself thinking.

Just like the folly of spending 25 billion dollars to ‘prevent’ a couple dozen documented cases of injury caused by illegal aliens, (it’s statistically more likely that your dish-washer’s door will malfunction, open prematurely, and suck you into a fatal spin-cycle!) , I’d be smarter to build a temporary ‘detention-center’ for the perverted cats who’ve developed a taste for Johnny’s homegrown organic corn.
My hope, at first, was to overwhelm them with ‘human-wave, massively-parallel’ tactics. I planted at least 2000 corn-babies. And I still hold onto a dream that that the later-planted ‘Great Yellow Hope‘ Upper field will remain, as at present, ‘Terra Incognita’ to the furry plague until I can harvest and sell its crop.
But, like Trump, I’m also feeling that even a chance victory up there, and one not based on ‘alpha-human’ domination, will be essentially ‘un-twat-worthy’. No, I need proof, for my voters, that I grabbed the felines by the pussy, bent them to my will, and made my garden ‘great again’.

I shall treat this post as a ‘real-time’ report on the fuzzy cat-immigration issue: Readers deserve no less; photos of the horror might be convincing. And having dealt with way-ward cattle for decades with electric fences, the solar-panel route may actually have some virtue.
Meanwhile no one on the forums dares to take my side in the battle. ‘Animal rights’ apparently include ‘innate and un-fettered access to the fruits of the Earth’.
Yes… when seeds, water, fertilizer, and labor are free… More later/JS