Tag Archives: constricted text

New!! ‘STONE NOTES’ is all I’ll ever need to read!!

Forget ‘Steel-Joe’ Stalin and his dumb reductive alphabet! (Oh, and also my rant at losing Google News Feed):

From the minute the sweating UPS guy with the hand-truck delivered my first edition of ‘STONE NEWS’ ¬† (we’re at 100/100 these days in Israel ; 100F + 100% humidity) I knew my life had changed forever.
The publication (lithograph?) will now be delivered curb-side, until my subscription erodes. (5 Kilograms for less than 10 British pounds was the offer I clicked on at their website; {STONE-TOSS.NET} of this iconoclastic breakaway outcrop from the otherwise stolid ‘Today’s Lithography’ Journal.

stone news vol one
Billed as “an igneous metamorphosis… not for the sedentary!” my new news source is written mainly in ‘Pentagraphic’ a startlingly easy language to acquire: (within hours I was reading it, Braille-like, in bed under the covers.
‘S-T-O-N-E’ ¬†comprises the entire alphabet; a smart-shopping choice, no?
Chipped into stone in a delightfully-Neolithic font, the journal is a veritable pyroclastic flow, a conglomerate of articles and opinions worthy of their claim: ‘News you can take for granite!”

Ok, today’s edition leads with a bas-relief cartoon depicting Trump falling over a rocky cliff with the title: NOT TOO SOON!
But, politics aside, lets look at the other Sections on the Rock:

Food: ‘Ask Stella Glyph:’ discusses the importance of minerals in diet

Film: The irrascably sinless critic team ‘ENOS ‘N SNOOT’ , in their ‘CASTING STONES’ column take a look at the hit re-make: “TO SEE ‘N NOT TO SEE”
History/trivia asks: “SO, NO ONE’S SEEN NESS’S NOOSE?” , detailing the mysterious disappearance of Elliot Ness’s favorite rope-trick in his pursuit of outlaws.

‘Culture’ talks about the latest craze in the UK: “TEN TENSE ETON TEENS ON STENO!” Apparently a re-dux of the cramming telephone-booths of the 60s. Some things never change. ‘Ink-arsed tossers’, he calls ’em.

Biblical Archeology attempts to rebut a spurious claim about the Kumran cave-dwellers: “ESSENES NEST EONS… ON NEON NESTS?? NONSENSE!

And finally, in health, the current obsession of having a ‘NO-SNOT NOSE’ gets petro-glyphically pooh-poohed by Dr O’Steen.

Ok, Bravo! to the tectonic shift in journalism which this effort represents. My only fear is that, having un-earthed the low-lying gems in the alluvial fan here in the first offering, they be hard-pressed to live up to the blurb ‘Finally, read the News on a real Tablet!’

I’ll await any suggestions for follow-up articles.

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