PALTRY PRESS: ALIVE and, well, alive at least..

The Paltry Press, that brave little publication, is still struggling to tell its readers what’s coming and going. TRY-ing to PAL-indromize the news.
Here are some highlights from recent editions:

In its ‘Forum’, ‘Ed‘ asks an innocent question about the experimental band ‘Ghoti’s Moebius-inspired format:

DO GHOTI LPS HAVE AN ‘A’ ‘N A ‘B’ SIDE?

‘ITS AN A’!’ writes a commenter whose screen-name is ‘Anasti‘, adding her opinion of Ed:
‘ED’ IS BANANA-EVAH SPLIT. OH GOD!’

Enter Al, (screen-name ‘LASTI BASTION’) , who disagrees:
‘NO, ITS A ‘B’! and adds; ‘IT’S ‘AL’.

Elsewhere:

“An ill-manered military-liason drone, assigned to ‘Stellar-Observer’, a small-scale satelite launch at Vandenburg, a project worked-on for almost a year by high school students all over the US and Canada, took advantage of his access to add his own clay ‘rabbit?… (pig?) to the precious space in the capsule allocated for ‘thin paper drawings’ from schools around the world, meant to journey into space and of course cement today’s youth’s connection with science and adventure.
The space-craft, having been dynamic-balance spin-tested four days before the launch, of course developed a serious and fatal ‘wobble’ just seconds after being released from the nose of the 2nd-stage booster.
The villian, Cpl Jay Drumt Jr. of Carbondale, PA, caught on CC camera footage, and oblivious to the broken-hearted children, could only mutter while being dragged away by MPs: ‘So when do I get my ducky back?’ (It was a ‘duckie?)”
The sad headline reads:

“ONE RUDE CORPORAL LETS H-S ART TRASH STELLAR-O PROCEDURE. NO!”

‘Tech News’ reports:

“Start-up ‘alternative’ airconditioning venture NCH (Nature-Cool Housing) is reeling after faulty programming in their units resulted in several fatalities. Their devices, using as the refrigerant ‘home-grown amonia’ (“Cool with your own urine! Pays for itself in your lifetime!”) tragically reversed the end-product synthesis goal, resulting in HCN.

And in more pleasant news on ‘better living through chemistry’, ‘HOOCH-I- COOCH’, the hit drink this summer in many parts of the world is still working on revising the formula of their organo-metallic ‘Iodized Alcoholic Cooler’ offering in order to have it read the same in both directions. ;Scientists agree’  that by doing so, the nutrients will better ‘synch with the quantum vibrations of the human chakra’. Some scientists at least…

Paltry is also following food fashion:

“Prof Ian Dublin might have been wise not to use his real name in a post decrying the “deleterious effects of ‘undigested DNA’ in human’s diet”. A ‘novel‘ contention. (nice word for ‘wing-nut’, ‘wacko’ or ‘nut case’)
The avant-guard Berlin-based nutrition ‘collective’ “Es und Essen”, in their on-line journal, wasted no time slamming him and his ‘theory’… unto calling it ‘alconoci’, a pejorative Japanese term implying ethanol-induced delusional thinking. The headline:
REVO E-MAG ‘ES N ESN’ ON DNA ICONOCLAST I. DUBLIN: “NIL, BUD! IT’S ‘ALCONOCI’ AND NONSENSE. GAME OVER!”

And finally, an op-ed from the Paltry Press ‘In Our View’ column.
Chief Editor Nukio ‘SnoocCardiova does a typically hot-headed takedown, making marsupial road-kill of the recent fad: ‘Bonsai stamina.’
You’ve probably seen the You Tubes: they surreptitiously record a victim’s every move in a day, then post a ‘Before’… and ‘After’, having edited out all the small exertions the poor fellow made which they loftily deem ‘non-essential’. Some unlucky souls suffice to merely  get out of bed, eat a quick meal, then retire, in their judgement.
‘Snooc’ calls the perpetrators, ‘Animatsia-snobs’. He goes back to the original implication of the word ‘animated’ meaning, like, ‘moving around and, like, doing shit!’
Quote:
“Let he who has not wasted a second of his life (in his Mom’s basement?) pick up the first stone, judge its aerodynamics, calculate the trajectory, and wing it blithely toward real movers and shakers who are well aware, thank you, that a certain percentage of their moves and shakes will be judged, retrospectively, as ‘wasted stamina.”
(Snooc, in his research, somehow unbelievably located the Tel Aviv cinematographer who ‘edited-down’ her raw footage of my own three-year restoration project in Jaffa. Yes, the ‘cutting floor’ was littered with scenes of redundant effort, but in the final analysis, a jewel and ‘must-see’ tourist attraction was preserved for history. ‘Twas personally gratifying to see my name in print, and I graciously subscribed for another year of ‘symmetrical stories’.

 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “PALTRY PRESS: ALIVE and, well, alive at least..

    1. solberg73 Post author

      Duncan: I’d never even seen this article.
      Shows some views of Sophie’s house, across the street from Jean and Reed’s.
      I worked alone, hardly sleeping, start to finish, to save all four houses. Except for a few months when my older son helped, along the way perfecting his own carpentry ‘tricks’.
      Paid in unmarked green-backs, I am, for the same tax reasons, purposely un-marked as the ‘Saviour of the Neighborhood’. My place in all their hearts is enough for me.
      An odd feeling, seeing the sights here from an ‘outside’ perspective. My sweat and fingerprints are on every board, nail, and screw in the ‘hood’.
      The text does mention finding that inscribed board I mentioned.
      So thrilled to have found this one of several as yet un-read articles. (Search ‘Jaffa American/Maine Colony’.
      Yeah, mebbe I will do a post on it. Get a ‘Like’ or two. When what I really need is what Lenny Bruce called a ‘Thank-You’ Man. To follow me around daily and heap praise on my now-tired bag of bones. Enjoy:
      http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-life-and-religion/208952/maine-on-the-mediterranean

      Reply
  1. solberg73 Post author

    Ha, you inspire me to see a commonality in them: Restoration *is* a ‘step backwards’, temporaly. Hundreds of meeting hours back then discussing ‘period-appropriate’ screws and nails. Lost most of my already shaky respect for TA’s Preservation Council. And at one point I worked only at night, behind barricades, flashlight in mouth, in order to progress at all. The projects cost my beloved benefactors 2 or 3X in the end, all for ‘a little knowledge in the wrong hands’.
    In the end we triumphed, though. That’s what counts.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s