Just a silly ‘Guess Who’ story

 Ok, three people walk into a bar: an actress, a singer, and a defense attorney.
The bartender gives them a long look before saying:
‘What is this, some kind of a joke?’

The three look at each other, dumbfounded.
Peter, the singer says: ‘Um…not that I know; we just stopped by for a drink.’, and orders a beer.

Bartender: ‘You want that in a WHEELBARROW?”
Pete’s like ‘Duh’, and answers calmly ‘No, in a glass. And my friend here. she’ll have a glass of wine.’

Bartender: ‘No problem. I have a nice white wine… and it’s flavored with Rosemary’ This said while looking at Mia, the actress… and waiting for a reaction… which doesn’t happen.
Frustrated, the bartender remarks to her: ‘You do look a bit thin; sure you don’t want a burger with that?’
Mia, deflecting the un-requested medical advice, says cheerfully: ‘No thanks, I’m actually a vegetarian.’

The Bartender, too loutish to feel chastened, just has to persist:
‘So what do you people live on, SPARROW MARROW?’

At this point Clarence, the D.A. in the three-some, decides to weigh in:
“Sir, lots of folks all over the world do quite well on a meat-less diet.”

This time the Bartender allows a closer peak at his true agenda:
“Where, in the Faroe Islands?”
Clarence, (a sharper mind might not exist), draws out the Bartender with a bait:
“Actually, I was thinking of the farm fields of Ohio, the ‘breadbasket of the US’.”
The Bartender, plunging in, grabs the hook:
“Oh yeah, where you have to HARROW the fields all spring. And then weed the NARROW rows of corn.”

Clarence: “Actually, it’s mainly done with machines these days.”

Pete and Mia glance at each other… and at their watches. They’ve both read about their lawyer-buddy’s spending 12 hours in court on a witness to win a case. But damn, all they wanted was a drink!

The bartender tries one last desperate hint:
“Ok folks, sorry for kinda monkeying around; I just like to scope out my customers.”
Clarence, happy to put another win in his resume, shares a glance at his two friends. At this point the question was whether to move on, drink-less, to a different watering hole… or to wait, they hoped perhaps in vain, for no further attempts by the Bartender to destroy their precious anonymity. (That blogger jsolberg’s readers could always be counted on to supply the last critical puzzle-piece, and the trio knew it.)
Peter checked his cell for the address of the ‘Arrowhead Inn’. Walking distance. They walked the five blocks thirstier than ever for a simple gulp of an elixir which cared not who they were.

Hey the bartender could have simply asked for autographs.


17 thoughts on “Just a silly ‘Guess Who’ story

  1. eleanorio

    So I know who the actress is, and I have no idea who the two others are. I shall wait patiently for one more in the loop than I to weigh in.

    1. solberg73 Post author

      The three have a common element in their family-names. Something the bartender noted instantly but decided, for his own reasons, to allow/induce the customer-trio to acknowledge, should they care to. Since writing the piece, my empathy for the fellow has only increased. He respects their privacy, yet begs for a sly wink.
      I spoke a week or so ago by phone with my principal academic rival from HS who has served three Republican administrations at the highest levels. Rehearsed prior to his call the tactics I’d use to allow him, ‘off-record’ to explain his absence from the current ‘Gong Show’ charade.
      “I might sit this one out… for a number of reasons” he finally revealed. I didn’t press it.
      I will add that teaching evolution in Kentucky, as well as any mention of the puffy role of magic dragons in our schools has long been a contested issue.

  2. Kakalakola

    Solberg, you tower above the competing beasts like a giraffe in a circus parade, except for the 40 foot whooping crane.

    Which maybe why the musician & the attorney went over my head. The actress should’ve taken the comment about the white wine as an omen, though. :3

    1. Kakalakola

      Er … is it too late to chime in with something or another about the actress being an American Woman?

      1. solberg73 Post author

        Never too late, my brother. And she is indeed. (a US-born female)
        (I despise that song, btw; might hang myself if stuck in an elevator with it on the Muzak. I cringed even to use their stupid band name in the title. )
        As you know, pop culture etc gobbles up perfectly good expressions and then deprives us ‘normals’ of their generic use, for decades. Just one of the many consequences of the Drumpf horror show for example: can’t call anything “great” anymore without scare-quotes.

        1. Kakalakola

          I don’t know. I have fond memories of American Woman. Tipper Gore used a heavily edited version as her anthem when her husband was running for president.

          Though I doubt she was familiar with anything other than the title.

  3. promisesunshine

    Some dialects allow and ‘uh’ sound at the end of words like sparrow. If that is the case in this little tale, I can make a guess who Peter is- I hear he’s from the windy city, hog butcher to the world. Got the other two covered. If we’re ‘oh’ like I’d say sparrow, then I’ve got more pondering to do.

  4. solberg73 Post author

    “..paid off in hammers.”. an unfamiliar expression for ‘paid in spades’? Or a hint *scary music*.
    I thought this would be too easy to long entertain anyone, frankly. Farrow, Yarrow, and Darrow walk into a bar, etc.
    And now *I;m* the one looking for the guy from Chicago!
    Yeah, we do say wheelbarr-ah and sparr-ah.
    The classic original joke has the bartender saying the same initial thing to ‘a rabbi, a priest, and a mullah.’
    My novelty here is the convoluted attempt to gracefully get at the ‘truth’ without out-right asking.

    1. promisesunshine

      It was clever. And apparently quite entertaining.
      Unless I’m completely wrong, Peter Cetera was lead of Chicago for a while.
      He was paid in hammers so he could hammer in the morning. All over this land. (because I completely missed the puffing dragon in your previous clue.)

  5. solberg73 Post author

    Yes, and I loved (early) Chicago-the-band.
    But what a menange-aux-troix we’ve made of this post, girl ! Parsley, sage rosemary’s baby and… um… give it time. The monkey from the Scopes trial marries Mia Farrow, with uncertain results. Woody Allen defended by Clarence Darrow?
    Next time I’ll put the answers upside-down at the bottom. Fun, though. (And where’s Duncan?)

  6. solberg73 Post author

    Could be, but ‘on holiday’ (in ‘British’), don’t that mean: “Finally, I can just sit and chat with Johnny!’ ?
    Nah, I’m worried. So is Lassie; she’s whimpering “Duncie’s in trouble over there across the pond!’

  7. somewittyhandle

    I had an unfair advantage of just having read a storybook adaptation of “Puff the Magic Dragon” together with my daughter recently, to bring P, P, and M to the front of my mind.

    Clarence was also recently re-popped by a renewed interest in Georgism as a solution to the world’s problems. G has been studying economics, and we have been talking about the need for a new economic paradigm to intercede while the world circles the drain.

    Mia, of course, springs quickly to the mind of any Woody Allen fan.

    So, I didn’t need to consult tarot, or go on a march from Jarrow.

  8. solberg73 Post author

    I did count on you for 3/3, and importantly, on your skill at proving it without giving anything away. Bravo. Kinda syncs with the point(?) of the piece; a wink is as good as a nod, and both better than a screamed blurt-out. Turns out the bartender did what I might have also done in the situation.
    Vignette alert:
    I once bumped into (literally) Morley Safer, the famed journalist, in Grand Central Station’s busy crowded main concourse. Each of us a heavy suitcase in hand. Left me one hand free for a quite smile and a wordless ‘salute’ gesture. He nodded his appreciation. I’m hoping; for my simple respect for his privacy.
    “I know that you know that I know who you are.” My policy.
    Ha, only wish there’d have been a crowd of folks snapping pix of us, until one of ’em asked: ‘Who’s that other guy there with Solberg?’


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