Nothing Rhymes with ‘Orange’ but ‘Stupid’

Hey, you learn something new (or remember it) every day:
1) The classic, repeated claim that no word rhymes with ‘ORANGE’ is almost true, however, I was able to quickly prove to myself that it needn’t be a death-sentence. Check this poem; a new style. One sentence, make yer point, and leave ’em begging for more:
I saw her at the BAR ‘N Just went
nuts on all that ORANGE, musta
took a ton of pigment, or like,
mebbe it’s all a figment of my
chroma-magination, like that
sexpot little Hatian who wuz
rainbow-hued at night, but
in the morning, black an’ white.

2) One could as easily say that the current yellow-peril (oops, ‘ORANGE’ menace’ defiling our nation’s capitol rhymes only with ‘STUPID’ , at least metaphorically. ‘STUPID’ was the subject of a song I wrote a while back and never published. The thesis was that nothing rhymes with ‘STUPID’. It took yesterday’s Valentine’s Day for me to realize that ‘CUPID’, duh, was , like, born to rhyme with Stupid. Let’s all hope for a speedy demise of the rotten tangerine comb-over.
Onward to the Song:

I wrote this one for a ‘female-of-the-species’ whose bare-bones intellectual ‘operating system’ has provided me no end of fascination for going-on 40 years now. She is still, as we speak, perhaps the most beautiful woman God has ever created, physically. But it is a continual learning-process to admit that a head so gorgeous can contain within it such a paucity of cognitive assets. Still, I would have voted for her for President in a heartbeat. No government experience, (just like her opponent) but at least I wouldn’t have to disable photos in my News Feed for 4 years.

‘Nothing Rhymes with Stupid but ‘Stupid’. J Solberg all rights reserved

Lyrics:
They told me I was wrong..
Yes they told me I was wrong
I wasted every night
They told me I was wrong
tryin’to put you in this song
Cause nothing rhymes with STUPID but STUPID

When I look into your empty face
My heart’s still sinking
An’ I know I got nobody to blame
What was I thinking?

They told me I was wrong..
Now I know they’re right
Yes they told me I was wrong
I wasted every night
They told me I was wrong
to try to put you in this song
Nothing rhymes with STUPID but STUPID

You got lucky with a mind like yours
You can never lose it
Times I worry ’bout the space you take up
Somebody else could use it
Started the melody, you said hello; we were
off on the road to goodbye
Started the verse but it only got worse
When it ended I finally knew why

Who’d ever believe a girl like you could have so much to say?
Ya just keep on talking
Maybe I can learn to live without your information
Just keep on walking..

They told me I was wrong..
Now I know they’re right
Yes they told me I was wrong
Looks like I wasted every night
They told me I was wrong
to try to put you in this song

Nothing rhymes with STUPID but STUPID

y’know I tried to put you into words
Tryin’ to make it rhyme
I been working like a maniac since Thursday
Just a waste of time

Started the melody, you said hello; we were
off on the road to goodbye
Started the verse but it only got worse
When it ended I finally knew why
Told me I was wrong
Now I know they’re right
Told me I was wrong
Looks like I wasted all the night
Told me I was wrong
to try to put you in this song
Cuz nothing rhymes with STUPID but STUPID

Told me I was wrong
Now I know they’re right
Told me I was wrong
Looks like I wasted all the night
Told me I was wrong
to try to put you in this song
Nothing rhymes with STUPID but STUPID

Told me I was wrong
Now I know they’re right
Told me I was wrong
Looks like I wasted all the night
Told me I was wrong
to try to put you in this song
Cuz nothing rhymes with STUPID but another STUPID

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19 thoughts on “Nothing Rhymes with ‘Orange’ but ‘Stupid’

    1. solberg73 Post author

      So glad you liked ’em. The song could obviously stand some touch-up work, but I record them mostly to preserve the idea.
      The poem is a new style I’m kinda stuck on; have five more like it
      Never have so many writers, comics, musicians, and general thinking-machines worked so hard to perfect the ideal ‘pry-bar’, the most powerful ‘induce vomiting’ solution, the slickest legal argument, in order to extract, puke out, and rule-out this abomination. Gratifying, and a sign of the underlying health and strength of the nation.

      Reply
      1. promisesunshine

        You gotta have a name for your poem style. So it can be added into the encyclopedia of poetry styles. What I actually mean there is that if there were a name for it so that I could look it up in April, I might give the style a try. In April. When there’s poetry to be written.
        I like the looks of April. It has poetry and done things (and maybe even the end of an abomination).

        Reply
        1. solberg73 Post author

          I’m steadily falling in love with you, kid, and you know exactly why. A pushover am I for one who can so skillfully use hints to point at facts and truths. Comes in so handy in later life. And I plan to be there for you.
          Btw, wondering if -NOS is broad enough to include hi-functs like me but who just wanna be in your care-group? If Dustin Hoffman could pull it off, there’s hope for me too.

          Reply
  1. solberg73 Post author

    Not sure what the union rate is for falsetto-clones, but I’ll wrangle the budget for, like the Muppet’s character once joked ‘Ten times what I’m paying ’em!’
    Of course I also haven’t a clue what your comment advises, musically. You certainly know what it’s like to work a hundred or so hours writing and recording a song, and realize how eager the creator is to hear a substantive, instructive critique. He grasps at straws, rearranging them on the floor searching for stuff like ‘Maybe cut the third repetition of the chorus’ or ‘The 2nd iteration of the harmonized break could benefit from some distinguishing addition/ development.’
    Instead he braces himself for the next step downward in damned faint praise:
    ‘Solberg, this song delivers everything the title promises: “An MP3 audio File lasting 4:07 minutes! And not a second less. Bravo!”

    Reply
  2. somewittyhandle

    I have been cursedly out of range of WordPress this last week or so, ironically because of a trip to USA. This has robbed me, until now, of the chance to hear this dangerously derisive song. The target of the attack could equally be a frustratingly unintelligent lover, or a world leader with a sandwich defecit in his mental pic-a-nic basket. Whoever that may be.

    One of the many things that appeals to me about this tour-de-force, is it satirically borrows some stylistic attributes form the ‘redneck’/’good ole boy’ idiom: a demographic which seems to support the dum-dum to an inexplicable extent.

    I discover just now, to my glee, that it is now possible to right-click and save audio from WP. This allows me to transfer the song to my thingummybob, to enjoy repeatedly elsewhere.

    Reply
      1. somewittyhandle

        It took me a while experimenting to figure it out, but:
        move your cursor/pointer to the place where you play the clip. Now, move it along so that it isn’t over the ‘play’ triangle , but somewhere to the right of the blue dot. Now click the right button on your mouse/keypad. It should offer a list, and some way down thew list is “save as”. Left-click on this, and it will default to “stupid.mp3.”. Accept, and it’s saved .

        Reply
                1. solberg73 Post author

                  Oh my; whilst I slept. Of course I’d be delighted and flattered to quickly email a copy of the tune to anyone who’d like it.
                  I did try Duncan’s original system once briefly last night: got ‘save as web-page complete’ as the option but didn’t pursue it. It’s indeed interesting that a streamed audio file could be save-able.
                  Anyway, just add ‘at gee-male’ to the name and number you see here, send me a hello, I’d be thrilled

                  Reply
    1. solberg73 Post author

      Good point about the idiom chosen here; gotta talk to ’em in dere own lingo.
      The song deserves to be stronger and bolder; model is probably the Stones… or Dylan’s ‘Idiot Wind’.
      I love the ‘one sandwich short of a Happy Meal ‘ put-down template. Lots to put down these days..

      Reply

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