You know what? I actually *like* Arti…

“…SPACE-CADET ARTI, BRAG-NIK CALEDONIA SNOB; U TERRA-COTTA FOOT TOO FAT TO CARRET; U BONSAI NODE, LACKING ARBITRATED ACE-CAPS!..”

Seeing him so roundly excoriated yesterday by a PAL-drunk jealous(?) co-worker, my heart went out to him bigly.

A hard-working, hard-drinking immigrant to Israel’s challenging shoals, shores, and shires, he shares enough attributes with my own cultivated battle-armour to endear the guy to me, regardless of the listed faults here.

In his defense:

1) ‘Space-cadet’? That’s now an insult? I thought ‘breaking the bonds of dismal Earth-bound Gravity’ wuz the ‘next frontier’?
‘Hezi’, (his short-horizon-ed detractor quoted above) is welcome to perish here, dreamless, like just another picnic-blanket ant shaken off into the creek so that we vision-thing folks can be about diving into the burgers and potato salad of the Future. Ah, metaphors! Mmmm.

2) ‘Brag-nik Caledonia snob’: So what?  Arti’s not allowed to be justifiable proud of his own ‘Old Country’? An Emerald Paradise, font and womb of the enlightened folks from the Islands, whose ‘we view favorably’ Papers and Declarations got us a country at all in ’48?  I vote ‘Yea’, Arti’s just as entitled as the Yemenites, with their memories of seven-story mud-brick high-rises in parched Sa’ana. Poets? ‘Who’s the Yemeni Robby Burns?’, I ask, not expecting an answer.

3) ‘Feet of clay’? Hezi just can’t seem to ‘let it go’; that in-hebriated night when he tripped over Arti’s clay elephant-foot lawn-ornament, in the dark, searching for his car keys (or the Meaning of Life?).

4) ‘Bonsai node’? Arti is not the ‘tallest human who ever lived’, I’ll admit. But then, Hezi, at 5 foot 7 1/2 soaking wet is, by the same standard, ‘no Kareem Abdul Jabar’. Have we descended to this?

And 5) ‘Arbitrated Ace-caps’?  Yeah, I’ve still never yet seen Arti without his emblematic backward ‘Ace’   baseball cap. It’s ‘him‘.

A few years ago, the Israeli Merchants Assoc tried to strong-arm legislation requiring an official ‘Seal of Approval‘ on what?  No,not on the flooded market here of sub-standard knock-off drech in general; no, in the end they netted only a leaky ban on ‘Hats bearing the letters ‘A’, ‘C’, and ‘E’. (!) Arti’s ‘crime’ was to kinda ignore it. As did Hezi, who shows up at the job-site daily wearing his ‘Fall Collection’ of far-east word-salad sweat-shirts, all ‘verboten’ by the letter of the law.

To conclude: Grudging points to Hezi for at least formulating his insult as a bi-directional triumph. But on substance: “I’m wid Arti; get a life, Hez!”

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10 thoughts on “You know what? I actually *like* Arti…

  1. promisesunshine

    This definitely requires coffee. For the reading of. Now that I’m one cup into my day, I can appreciate your usual crafted story and wit. I’m particularly fond of the feet of clay. I believe that is zeutma. (or something starting with z). I’m attempting early morning thought sans google, my friend. The placement of my friend is ambiguous, but necessary.

    Happy Martin Luther King Jr Day. Probably the last time we get to celebrate that for 4 long years. I wonder when … never mind, we’ll curse that bridge when we come to it. I’m celebrating the day with 7 or so little kids, doing art-ish things for others. (apparently I’m looking for a pat on the back or a gold star)

    Reply
  2. solberg73 Post author

    Was well worth the investment to try to grasp your world a bit more clearly. My regards from Israel to the lucky kids. btw, the ‘clear bag’ law is real; they’re doing a survey on brands of cell-phone that ‘women want’, I can only assume, charitably.
    ‘Feet of clay’, I, too need to look up; it’s an old concept- relates to a single ‘fatal flaw’ or something. Does not apply to anyone flawed to the pores. I guess they then say ‘Feet possibly worth re-using in some way, the balance; an orange stubby-fingered wax abomination best hurried off to a land-fill’. But I’ll have to check on that.

    Reply
      1. solberg73 Post author

        Enjoy your time ‘off-duty’. Btw, crazy you should have heard of ‘zeugma: (Ex: ‘Bill lost his marbles, and later, his life..”) as a literary device. New to me, on the surfin-safari your comment inspired. Also found reference to an Egyptian king, starts with Z, Plus the original ‘Feet of clay’ from, duh; Daniel’s interpretation of Nebuchadnezzar’s dream.
        Fascinating; just hope now , that we ‘need to know this for the test’.

        Reply
        1. promisesunshine

          —Zaket. success! I had no idea there were so many Egyptian kings (or that they weren’t called pharoahs).
          Gosh. I was pretty close on zeugma. I wish I’d gotten all the letters right, but I will allow myself that one replacement. Zeutma suitma. You might appreciate the tale of how I discovered zeugma (which I’m repeating for memorization). I made myself an ABC quest, must’ve been poetry. A poem of a style beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Z was slim pickins.
          The final is comprehensive. But it does appear to be open book.

          Reply
          1. solberg73 Post author

            I usually just go with ‘Zebra’ for ‘Z’. And mention ‘Libra’. ‘Stripes’ also is rich in rhymes. ‘Zoo’ is too easy; rhymes with just about anything, ha.
            Thanks again for broadening my knowledge. Together we’ll ace the exam.

            Reply
  3. eleanorio

    I’m heartened that Quebec is not alone with its Office de la langue française rules and regulations. You tell Arti he has my sympathies.

    Reply
    1. solberg73 Post author

      Lots of what we do here is a failed copy of something which failed, but less so, somewhere else. (Luckily that ‘lots of’ doesn’t include defense, health care, innovation, and a free and aggressive press.)
      When I constructed this long ‘do-dad’ I’d intended to deride and denigrate ‘Arti’. Oddly, my fictional character ‘fought back’, and flipped me over to the defense-team.

      Reply
    1. solberg73 Post author

      Read: simple jealousy; Hezi’s aunt came back from two weeks in Scotland and all he got wuz a lousy T-shirt he couldn’t read. I do give him points on creative merit, although here, what with reading right-to-left- interrupted by numbers heading in the opposite direction, bi-directionality is almost second-nature. So, it’s mostly Caledonia-envy, downloaded without sub-titles.

      Reply

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