Toughest ball-o-twine I’ve ever un-raveled

No, not the un-un-tie-able Gordian knot question of how a minority of deluded US voters put a total charlatan into the White House when, at least for now, there are Institutions much better equipped to deal with ‘aberrant-behavers’ like this..
No, this is simply a PAL-from Hell, unfolded onto a flat surface (finally!) and only after hours spent musing on 3-D complex chemical compounds, snakes eating their tails, and yes, real-politik, where half or more of our servants’ ‘achievements’ are an equal mix of disguised self-interest and unintended consequences.

At any rate, the subject here may very well have been inspired by Israel’s recently-enacted ‘bag-law’. Reading the details, and knowing well our talent at ‘skirting’ regulations, I’m betting that its net effect will be about as ‘green’ as a black hole. (Which is what we truly needed, to suck up the billion-or-so discarded bags littering the so-called ‘promised land’.

Gabon, a small West African nation, population less than 2 million, can (and did, for the purposes of this palindrome) declare plastic bags illegal, overnight, an’ what’cha gonna do about it?
Well, for our  ‘Olga‘ here: curse the disruptive bag-less-ness and close up shop. Her ‘N’Gispu Deli’, named for the husband she met while still a starry-eyed Peace Corp worker had long been an iconic landmark in a town not particularly otherwise-blessed with Kosher Delis.
Perhaps expecting some sort of, call it ‘special treatment‘ from the Gabonese equivalent of the US EPA, she was shocked when, one fine morning, every single bag, every shred of polyethylene, every take-out convenience product was loaded into a gray government Land Rover and hauled away. (As she told me: ‘for re-sale’ to the ‘connected! Duh, are you new here?’
And after struggling a week or so using torn-up sheets as wrapping, she gave up the ghost. Here’s her version:

NO-BAG NITE-MARE: WE NAILED UP SIGNS: “MOOD; ‘GAR NIX!’/ ‘OLGA’. (and she added, wryly) BON APETITE! …GET IT, EPA?’
(Her FB page now says only) NO-BAG ‘LOX-IN-RAG'(!) DOOMS ‘N’GISPU DELI’ MET IN NO-BAG GABON! (the last is a play on ‘Met‘: Hebrew: ‘Dead’.
There ya go, folks. Don’ know about you, but I got hungry just writing this. Having bought 100 grams of lox just yesterday for 19 shekels (5 bucks), came in a plastic ‘carrying-case’ which would have nicely served our ‘dumb‘ paleo-ancestors for a hundred years or more. Took 23 seconds to gobble down, but at least I didn’t put it in a bag.
By the way, Olga’s Mood  (sounds like a song-title or a Wyeth painting), she described as ‘Gar nix‘ (‘Gornicht!’, yiddish, meaning, like ‘absolutely zero’)      I’m trying to remain ‘a bisse’ more optimistic about our own ‘faux-green-ness’ law. Until the streets are awash in cloth ‘totes’!

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9 thoughts on “Toughest ball-o-twine I’ve ever un-raveled

  1. eleanorio

    Solution: Wrap your fish in copies of “ישראל היום”. Unread copies, preferably. It’s got to be good for something… and it’s free!

    Reply
    1. solberg73 Post author

      Nu, I’m already using that paper to start fires in my wood stove. Yes, black and white and ‘unread’ all over. Where was it when Olga needed it?
      Frankly, my dear, I have trouble these days giving a damn/ developing trust in any local press outlet, left or right. The subtle wintery discontent is more from distrust of who the publisher is in bed with than from my ideological reservations. A sad situation, In the past I’ve spent years reading Yediot religiously (as a lingo-learning tool) and then later ‘HaAretz’ for their world-class translators (bought both copies and read ’em side-by-side)
      Their Chemi Shalev is the only hero left standing these days. His knowing assessments give me goose-bumps.
      By the way, “Bibi’s a crook” is not necessarily ‘news’, in the sense of ‘previously unknown facts’. I so wish we had a Leader we could be unabashedly proud of. ‘Course I feel that way now, writ large(!) about the Untied Snakes. There, the Washington Post and, less-so, the NY Times are dependably sane. Guess we all miss the stability of pre-webz ‘paper-of-record’ journalism.
      (Just like I sorely miss Olga’s picture-perfect breakfast of lox, bagels, and ‘real’ cream-cheese this morning, even with monkeys screaming from the trees off-camera.

      Reply
      1. eleanorio

        I have one particular online USian friend who daily envies me my government leader, which is kind of funny because I personally didn’t vote for him/his party (I voted for the guy whom I felt represented me best in my riding, regardless of party affiliation; he didn’t win). In time the Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble
        (they’re only made of clay); but on a geological scale, well, the discussion is moot.

        Reply
        1. solberg73 Post author

          ‘Fall mountains… jus don’ fall on me’ (Hendrix)
          Yeah, I got time, or so I thought at his age. Good reason to quit smoking and drinking, I guess at least, to be there to ‘tramp the dirt down (Elvis Costello on Thatcher)
          So, the charming Trudeau-kid’s not-so-hot for your ‘riding’. Bikes, horses, typo?

          Reply
          1. eleanorio

            “Riding” is the word for an electoral district in Canada. Trudeau is fine; our MP (Member of Parliament) is a business woman who does not represent my lifestyle or artistic concerns, whereas her predecessor, a member of one of the losing parties, did. That’s all. I have nothing against Trudeau; in fact, I have a lot more for him than the leader of the party I usually vote for (and did this time, as well). Time will tell if he turns out to be as almighty as the father.

            Reply
  2. promisesunshine

    In order to gather en masse in Washington DC on Jan 21, people must use clear bags for their belongings.
    I’ve seen a cute cover for the New Yorker that is supposed to come out this Friday. I hope it’s real.

    Reply
  3. melfamy

    In the words of John Lennon, who, while practicing his Spanish on the African leg of their famous “bed- in” tour, wanted to eat his cake in his favorite manner, “¿Ono, is Gabon no-bag, sí o no?

    Reply

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