Ok, new descriptive style here, reader-friendly. Let’s see if it makes seeing the point, and the course of the Palindrome both-of-’em more graspable.
This one is truly a tirade. You’d be tiradian too if you’d spent what he did on a 40 foot partly submersible tourist water-craft shaped like an anatomically-correct Goat, and complete with observation decks inside the head and neck. The main photo on the brochure shows it mostly submerged, looking like a Loch Ness monster, but with horns. Cell-phone antennas, but that’s water under the dam now…
We’re talking about an acquaintance of mine from the UK. Sidney Hawker, of Newcastle-upon Tyne.
(And no, I have no idea why they feel a need to append the name of the nearest river to the town. Guess I should just be happy not to have to call myself Yonatan Solberg from Conestoga-upon-Susquehanna.)
Anyway, I innocently emailed him just to ask, you know ‘How’s it hanging, mate?’ He briefed me on the doomed project, and added this blow-by-blow:
Ok, the first (and last) passengers were a (loud) 15-person group of New-Agers from the University of South Derry.
U-SD RATS! I was pissed even before we left the harbor. ABUSE! I called it, but I guess for them, full-time babel on a phone is kinda what keeps the body alive. ‘OH, CELLULAR! I said in mock-forgiveness and understanding. But added “EVEN ON A U-GOAT!?” I was hurt, thinking that the ride should have been enough by itself. ‘TILL A CUT!’ I added, swiping my hand across my throat. A threat to push that one magic button and kill service.
The gang started up with some holy-modal-mystical hoo-about ‘Being here now, but in touch as One. ‘U CALL IT ‘TAO?’ I pretended to care.”GUANO! I kinda spit, if some of the crowd didn’t know from bloody bat-shit.
I guess I should have ‘noise-attenuated’ the steel hull, looking back. Woulda added another 10 K Euro to the price, big deal.
‘NEVER A LULL!’ I ranted on. ‘ECHOES, U BASTARDS!’
“And that was that” he finished. “She does look canny these days standing tall on dry land. And I did remove the cell antennae a couple weeks later, and added ‘No Cell-phones! to the new brochures. But the market’s gone totally dry ever since. This generation of twitters, selfiers, and Insta-whatevahs ain’t got time for a ‘Run silent, run deep’ experience.”
ME: I couldn’t help but notice that he’s obviously been infected by palindrome-itus:
Here’s the ‘transcript’ complete and uninterrupted:
USD RATS! ABUSE! OH, CELLULAR? EVEN ON A U-GOAT? .. TILL A ‘CUT!’: U CALL IT ‘TAO’? GUANO! NEVER A LULL. ECHOES, U BASTARDS, U!
Like this style?? (I mean my WP Post-style.) Sidney’s customer-relations style could obviously benefit from a lesson or two. Or diazepam. Or both.