So, how many ‘Desperately-horny Housewives’ should I order?

I’m inundated by them, these last two months! They ‘live’ in my SPAM folder on G-Mail and moan heart-rendingly for release, at least until I, almost hourly, click ‘Delete Forever‘.

But it’s giving me daily nightmares of being chased into cul-de-sacs by petulant-and-worse ‘women-scorned‘ notorious for being Hell’s premier Fury.
I even get almost-grammatical pleas running to two paragraphs from ‘chicks dying to get fucked by {My full Name Here}. They already assume that I live in the village whose name comes back in a search on my internet provider’s location. Thirty miles away. And suggest meeting at the turnoff there on Highway 2.
My mistake (duh!) was to provide my email address to a ‘people-search’ site, seemingly legit, while trying to nail down the impostor who has ‘grafted’ onto my Social Security records. I learned nothing at all from the one-week subscription, other than that unscrupulous sites sell your ID to spammers. Ten minutes after I cancelled (no refund of the 10 bucks)  it started: the Horny-Women, Dick-enhancers, Walgreen’s fake gift-card notices, etc. (I could go on and on) .

 

But this post is not about ‘my bad’. (They still say that?)
It’s about Scheduling:
I’m thinking to do three a day. That’d give me four hours, roughly, to ‘recharge the batteries’in-between. Conservative, I’m thinking here; I’ve done five without issue a scant 40 years ago.
So that’s like, say, one at 7AM, one at noon, and the third ‘horny’ at 6PM. She may get a longer ride, so I have the luxury of taking my time, so to speak.

And that’d be 21 ‘units’ per week, 90 +/- a month. Oughta make a dent. In something.
I do have a continuing history of construction/renovation clients who say ‘While you’re already here, could you…? A faucet, a sagging shed-door, a stopped-up rain-spout.
That’s my worry here, I’ll admit. But if I have a pile of free Walgreen’s Gift Cards to hand out, I might be able to ‘buy’ my way out of … and now, do it to me here..’ requests. Not nice or elegant to look at your watch while feigning love.

At any rate, this plan, for which I depend on Word Press comments to fine-tune, needs to get off the drawing board shortly. I’m thinking that it’s the best solution to the SPAM issue. As in: ‘If you can’t beat ’em, enjoin ’em’, (enjoy ’em?) something like that. What say?

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9 thoughts on “So, how many ‘Desperately-horny Housewives’ should I order?

  1. promisesunshine

    You just compared yourself to horny housewives. All of them. Somehow I do not think your need for comments is quite that dire.
    I would like to make another comment here, but I cannot be trusted to speak sense. I have to go buy some cat litter.

    Reply
    1. solberg73 Post author

      Not really; I’m just trying to clean the litter-box which my Spam folder has become. One ‘housewife’/ (Aka Nigerian bald old man) at a time.
      No seriously, I’m practicing business-management skills; planning a strategy, assessing the risks. Might need the tools later in life

      Reply
  2. happierheathen

    Time for a career change, eh?

    Perhaps the most direct route to such a new career would be to start on the internet, with seed money from the widows of former dictators from the continent of Africa who I hear are very generous, used to purchase the pillz that will quickly bring fame and greater fortune. Then all you need is a lot of assorted sizes and colors of t-shirt upon which are emblazoned the words “Dithered by Yon” with the classic 1970’s smiley face and your re-tail location as a Google map URI encoded into a QR code.

    Y’see, ya gotta start with adequate startup funding because it’s a business that won’t bootstrap due to the need for physical security. Wives who fit that description tend to have husbands who fit another description that seems like it should be somewhat similar but ain’t: Dudes who are gonna get a hard-on for your ass.

    Have fun, stay safe, don’t name the mistakes after me!

    Reply
    1. solberg73 Post author

      Sound advice. Of course it’s all just a zany goof of an idea, but hey, They started it!
      As to giving the unavoidable progeny names, I’m thinking to be ‘Artistic’ about it; with your approval of course.
      ( ‘The Boys from Israel’ does come to mind.)

      Reply
  3. Pingback: Shicken Chit | happierheathen

  4. somewittyhandle

    It seems a shame, while you’ve got the overheads, to be running the factory for only 1 shift. Why not make it a 24-hour operation? My spam folder assures me that there are pills to enable that.

    I would further suggest that a “Time and Motion” study a la Frederick Winslow Taylor would pay dividends. It seems to me that ‘product flow’ is one of your issues. Your insistence on using the scarce resource of the Meister for every step in the process is causing your bottleneck, so to speak. You could employ less skilled labour in many of the early stages: goods inwards, quarantine, and preparation. Also the later stages: inspection, packaging, and dispatch, could safely be delegated to less qualified personnel.

    Then, think of the consistency of product demanded in this machine age. I would suggest using a jig (olo) to ensure reproducible positioning.

    Finally, your investors will already be considering the scalability of the operation. Would you run 2 or more lines in parallel?

    I suppose the ‘simultaneous chess match’ is a model worth considering.

    Reply
  5. solberg73 Post author

    Aha: perfectly congruent with my ‘facetious’ business-model. Like many failed innovators, my studious insistence on ‘hands-on’ control at every turn could be my un-doing. Blinded by their appealing to *MY* email account, I discounted the idea that ‘service’ could be ‘farmed out’.
    As to a personal 24-hr shift: you may have me mixed up with the cad I was, once. Today, on that ‘through-put’ regime, I’d be dead within a week, useless to even the horniest of the horny.
    Ha, last night, falling asleep, I actually ‘planned-out’ the necessities of the operation: a waiting room- with magazines for perusal, mood-music for varying tastes/fantasies, and, among quite a lot of other issues, a way to elegantly weather the probable demands for ‘repeat performances’. My real-life history includes barely a handful of ‘once-and-done’ encounters.
    I thank you sincerely for the sound advice here. A simple sleeping-pill to stop the Hydra dreams might be a better investment than tons of penicillin and double-strength condoms.

    Reply
  6. solberg73 Post author

    “Un-manned”? Ain’t that just a nother word fer ’emasculated’?
    Seriously, ‘DHH’s are kinda a mystery to me, psychologically. I suppose I could have asked ones I’ve known about it, but there never was enough spare time. I always just assumed that it was my personality wut drew them into orbit. And Amazon, in any case, doesn’t have droids who’ll listen patiently and attentively to a woman’s fears and dreams. Yet.

    Reply

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