I’m feeling this morning a kind of theological ‘Penis envy’. I mean, the Muslims have ISIS, the Moors and associated sword-play, millions of mutilated women hiding inside black Casper-the-Ghost suits, ‘honor-killings.
And the Christians, in no particular order, the Inquisition, Dark Ages, the Crusades, the Third Reich, and hordes of American self-satisfied know-nothings legislating their various creeds upon anyone and everyone, after decimating the native heathen ‘Indians’.
And what do we got? Hadassah women’s bake sales in Brooklyn to fund a new out-patient wing at Mt. Sinai Hospital? Earthquake first-response Israeli teams that go in, quietly save lives, but return without converting a single heathen?
Even our holidays are kinda impotent on the world-conquest’ spectrum. Rosh Ha-Shanah (last week) is simply recognizing the Sept/Oct New Moon, plus eating (takes forever, lemme tell ya) a list of foods with ‘play-on-words’ names in Hebrew. Yom Kippur is even worse. Sit wordless all day, make sure not to wear leather shoes since it’s not considered good taste to tell a cow “Eat up, darling, we need your skin for footwear when you croak.” And other mild prohibitions of the same ilk.
So, seriously, try to think of a single holy war/ slaughter the infidels/ forced conversion we Jews could be ‘proud of’. Three thousand years without an internet be-heading, a ‘gentile’ tortured into accepting Moses as his Lord and Savior, or a young woman in Indiana forced to bear a rapist’s evil offspring. And we have the gaul to call this a ‘religion’?! In fact, a rabbi worth his kosher salt is instructed to actually turn away three(3) times anyone requesting to join us. Makes sense, I guess; anybody dumb enough to link his fate with a people so devoid of ‘heroic’ escapades is probably ‘verflucht’, a mishigoner. (Crazy)
So anyway, I’m proposing to start small; to invade, say Togo in West Africa, burn down the chrches and mosques, do a grand-scale fore-skin-removal operation, install a puppet government with plenty of Uzis and M-16s, and say to the other religions; ‘Yo, has-beens, we be on the map now!!
Until that glorious day, I’m your loyal mild-mannered, golden-ruled, meek minority-religion contact here in the ‘troubled Middle East./ JS