100,000 new English Words just waiting to go on-stage

LUKE     You can find them almost anywhere you look, sad and un-used, like books on library shelves turned pages-out and never read even once. Just a second till I stop crying and then we’ll continue…

Ok, Some of the vocab-slots are almost completely spoken for. Take this first example: (in the above cartoon)   {‘L’-consonant-‘K’ short words.} It’s really the story of dear Luke, who had a bicycle-dream but today, with the stupid new fence, he’s ‘licked’!

Note, we go by sound here, which is not unadvised, since English spelling… well… I may start crying again.
And if you list the possibilities in order, AEIOU long and short plus the oddball oy and ow vowels, you see that the LxK shelf (fueling the above cartoon) is almost full.
Except for:
L-short e -K. As in Lech Walesa.
L-long ‘O’-K. Would be spelled ‘LOKE’, probably. Or LOAK (as in cloak) don’t know what its meaning will be though. (More on that presently.
Yeah, and there’s always ‘LOIK’ and ‘LAWK’ if we get hard up. But we’re not, so let’s go to STORY HOUR, which is actually a sneaky continuation of today’s lesson.


I actually liked Butch, the new hire at my bakery. He passed the toothpaste-tube “spell ‘Happy Birthday’ test first time. But the 100 degree heat from all the ovens kinda works on his motivation.
And so as I carefully pulled the giant tray of new cup-cakes from the infernal bowels of hell and set it on his work-table, I made sure to say:
“This BATCH will be a BITCH, BUTCH, and I BETCHA ya gonna BOTCH ’em, but don’t be discouraged. We all know the vanilla icing goes runny in this heat, especially on these pyramid-tops. Mebbe just spell out ‘MMM..B-DAY'”
Butch smiled, knowing he has a killer sympathetic boss.

Ok, by sound, we could add ‘BEECH/BEACH. Also ‘BAITCH’, BOOTCH, BOUTCH, BAUTCH, and several others. Without being accused of De-bauchery.

Let’s move on, before the cops arrive. We’ll escape to the ex-pristine paradise now called Florida.

I was in DADE county to meet my DAD, to trasfer a DEED from a friend of his who was now, (how to put this?) DEAD.
the guy DIED quite suddenly, but he DID have time to write a Will, with the help of a certain Chris DODD. (Yes, grand-son of)
I do really appreciate the kindness of this DUDE, but, checking the GPS points of the plot I inherited, it became clear that I was now the owner of three(3) acres of in-penetratable swamp, populated by alligators and lately, other, invasive species you really don’t want to meet.
Luckily, I sold the property at the airport in Ft. Lauderdale to a gullible soul. No, I don’t sleep well at nights, but the bucks did finance my Bakery (above)

Ok, we’re missing ‘D’-long o- D. ‘DOAD’ or DODE. Or even ‘DOED’, as in ‘HOED’, past tense of ‘to hoe’. Perhaps this is what one does when he/she arranges a sex-change on a male deer.
And then sells her to his ‘DOWDY Aunt. (as a ‘large dog’)

I could go on. Obviously. Until the beer runs out.

‘Runs’ out, you say? RAIN, RAN, REEN (un-used) WREN, RHINE (a river runs through it) RIN (first name of the Dog above), RHONE (another damn river) RON (a dead president) RUNE (some kind of early poetry) and the, finally ‘RUN’

I do hope you go away now. Oops, I meant ‘go away, now convinced that English’s cup is only half-full at best. And that the annoying re-use of existing words, like ‘LAUNCH’ for what the Xanga clowns did when they destroyed a perfectly good blog platform in favour of a sad envelope only a mother could love, need not plague us in the linguistic World of the Future. Let them, instead, announce that they’ve ‘MEH-ED’ Xanga. They are obviously not rocket scientist material after all.
Thanks for reading, friends.


13 thoughts on “100,000 new English Words just waiting to go on-stage

  1. ordinarybutloud

    Oh, J. Still so sad and angry about Xanga. But I’m glad you’re posting here more regularly now. I hope it continues. Your fascination with words has always been fascinating to me. I’m a person who sees words as tools, like a person who sees food as fuel. It’s a failing. I mean, I appreciate the usefulness of words…I like how they fit into my life so seamlessly, solving problems all over the place, but I admit I don’t really love them for *themselves.* Man, I hate people who see food as fuel. I mean, honestly. It’s so much more than that! So endlessly interesting!

    1. solberg73 Post author

      And yet… and yet your writing doesn’t lack for novel turns of phrase.
      I spent all last night on the net speed-reading about narrative voice, 1, 2, and 3. There is also the qualifier ‘Unreliable 1st person., among a hundred other mini-distinctions.. This one feels like home for me, ha.
      Then fell asleep wondering how precisely you may have determined that your, or anyone else’s Novel is ‘flawed’. Apart from having the hero die un-planned in the third chapter already.
      I’m sure most of the blog-os-fear is dying, as am I, to get their beady little eyes on more examples of your creative work. As in, if it’s that hard to do correctly, we want to see up-close what success looks like. ♥/ JS

  2. dimebone

    The leak in the lake was 7,000 years ago, and it did not turn out well. The lake is the Black Sea, flooded by an enormous wall of water that swept away everything in its path. Luke didn’t stand a chance.

    And Ham? Him? He heard the mighty hum hem his home.

    btw if Lech Walesa seems too contrived an instance of L-x-K, why not simply use Leck?

    1. solberg73 Post author

      Bravo, J, and I re-prove the Great Flood/ Black Sea hypothesis every time I pour a bit too much water in a ‘moat’ surrounding a tree or shrub. The second it overflows the bank, the wash-water carves a grand canyon and I lose everything. Of course it is fun watching Noah try to herd two each of the 960,000 species of bug into his little boat.
      Your examples are clever. Ham, by the way, was singled out on Hamurabi’s stone pillar of wisdom: ‘Ham, ur a bi !!’ it said, and I think the hapless pervert was forthwith stoned in the marketplace.
      One actual although prosaic point of my post is that the wunder-kids from Silicon Valley need to, dammit, stop using words ‘owned’ by real men, like ‘Install’, launch, even ‘paste’ , no matter how metaphorically appropriate. I’ve installed sh*t all my life, and it’s not done with a ‘mouse’

  3. eleanorio

    Hmm… words as tools as food is fuel… I can see that. Just read legalese and weep at how specific it all is without any poetry or elegance. Sometime ago I read a book, The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, in which the language itself is so playfully used, blatantly breaking rules but doing so in such an adorable and inventive way. I wish I had the nerve to write like that. JS, Xanga will fade into a distant memory, but your posts will always remain fresh and clever.

    1. solberg73 Post author

      Thank you, El. A nice comment and compliment coming from a reputable source, ha. I have the same ‘disease’ as, probably, the book you cite. can’t write a simple declarative sentence without playing with the ‘food on the table’, so to speak.
      In my dreams, re: Xanga, I prevail with a campaign I’ll call BBTOX ‘Bring Back The Olde Xanga!’ The Team admits its mistake in a tearful press conference. ‘We have sinned!’ they’ll blubber, and like with the ‘new Coke fiasco, all will be returned to its proper place in the World.
      Meanwhile I’m here wasting my life trying to get even one picture to display properly, in size and placement. thanks again for your sweet attention.

  4. happierheathen

    What? No roan, a particularly colored equine critter? I’ll go away now, and do so convinced that we’ve still got lots of words left to be invented. And that I know just the guy to do it, too.

    1. solberg73 Post author

      Yes, that’s what readers are for, to remind me that ‘Hey, what about the little horsey?’
      This whole obsession only started after I switched to Hebrew as my principle language, a vowel-less mess of sad pottage if you ever saw one…

  5. Roadkill Spatula

    “It’s a DUD!” doh’d Homer.

    WREN and ROAN would have kept a couple of entries in the family instead of importing foreign or made-up names to fill the gaps.

    I always enjoy these exercises of yours. They take me back to the days when I taught articulatory phonetics. I always picture a facial diagram with high/middle/low by front/mid/back vowels (throw in rounded/unrounded if you’re dealing with German).

    1. solberg73 Post author

      Yes of course I feel the absence of any phoneticist parlance in my toolkit, and cringe knowing that real men may be reading, ha. There is a hieroglyphic system I need to master (IPA?) , and also the’ frontal labial fricatives’ word-salad. My wife, a speech therapist, uses these terms daily.
      Seedsower just sent me a nice doctoral thesis on my own native dialect, PA Dutch, but god help a layman reading it and looking for understandable text.
      you are of course correct;; there is no English ‘bok’, only Johannes Bach. Same with buch,(long ‘U’ which is kraut-speak for ‘book’. Esparanto, now there’s a clean system, I hear.

      1. Roadkill Spatula

        My ex-father-in-law (who grew up Beachy Amish) wrote his linguistics MA thesis on PA German (as he calls it). He’s also on the review committee for the Bible translation. Some of his phonetic discriminations (especially regarding vowel length) left me a bit skeptical.

  6. solberg73 Post author

    Oy, it’s all so regional. Even in english, I could name a kid’s high-school (and hence, the small valley he grew up in, after two or three words. I have a heidleburg/reistville accent, personally Two small towns, Pop 200+/- but distinguishable from their neighbors down the road a mile or so.
    Ex: the short phrase “Gook mal do!”( lit: ‘Look once there’) We say the final ‘do like ‘do-ah, sort of. Others cut the do off shorter. I guess that’s a long vowel, but I may be all wet.
    My great-uncle Ralph Schlosser translated Milton and Shakespeare into ‘Dutch. when he wasn’t busy as a violinist., or milking cows An odd background I have, a mixture of peasants and pheasants of fine feather.

  7. Roadkill Spatula

    My ex-in-laws were from Plain City and Holmes County respectively, and have significant differences in their dialects. I think one of them has nasalized vowels where the other had a vowel followed by an /n/, among other things.


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