1) Holy AGNUS DEI! NED DENIED SUNGA!
Well ‘Ned’, (if that’s your real name), we’ll just see now if the Head Office lets you keep those purple robes… and the 10% you probably siphon off from the take in airport lobbies.
Most readers have probably encountered one of our ilk somewhere in the world. While waiting to check-in you’ve watched our emissaries quietly and tactfully approaching travelers in a attempt to spread our message of world peace, universal love, whatever. Yes, the purple hat with the ball on top is a familiar sight for frequent fliers.
Sure, there are cracks in our castle, the usual dirty laundry as befits any major religion; genital mutilation, the odd suicide bombing from a disturbed lone wolf. But still, underneath it all, Sunga is our supreme leader, and we don’t take kindly to any disparagment of his/her Name.
And so this ‘Ned’, whoever, shall get what’s coming to him, the traitorous infidel! The only question is whether stoning preceeds beheading, or the converse. I’m on the fence on that issue. Hey, I got family to protect.
2) So what’s the deal with one of my favorite restaurants: the famed ‘KAYAK SALAD LAB’ in Red Deer, Alberta? Hell, I used to drive up there almost every weekend, 4000 miles each way but worth every penny for their vegetarian cuisine.So I check their site yesterday and suprise! They’ve abandoned the veggie ship, pissed on sustainable photosynthesis, and now feature, god-forbid, “Yak-on-a-slab”. Yeah, even the name has changed, to ‘That BALD ALASKA YAK Place.’ Sorry, cannibals, you won’t see my face in the crowd anymore. Nice while it lasted.
3) Meanwhile I sit here in my Minivan, in turmoil, in the Twenty-nine Palms(CA) Mega-Zone parking lot, there behind the petting zoo, trying to put it back together:A MAN, A PALM, A LLAMA, A MALL… A LAPANAM? Nah… try again, Johnny…
4) Back home only to discover that my neighbor must’ve bought another dog while I was gone. A little chihuahua, a quarter the size of ‘Adi’, their trusty Shepherd. They call the newbie ‘ED’,
and apparently, nothing’s too good for the little rat. “ED IS A PET’S DOG. GOD, STEP ASIDE!” my neighbor shouted at me there on the sidewalk. Well yeah, glad yer dog’s got a dog of his own.
5) Meanwhile, Montana’s infamous and bizarre ‘Bazaar Czar’, Jules Fafner, suffered perhaps his final upset, as one more town has voted to ban his ‘happenings’ from their city limits. Fafner is now rumoured to be considering abandoning the Jules Family holdings, perhaps as early as March 15th this year. Said the small-town god-father: “First Helena, then Billings, and now I lost Butte to boot.”
His terse email to the Butte town fathers: “ET TU, BUTTE?” went unanswered, or appreciated, as of press time.
6) In the graphics world, specifically military/patriotic posters, ‘ROTC ART’ has as its theme on-campus this year ‘TRACTOR!!’, featuring strangely reminiscent Soviet realism-style drawings of young, bold, (and white) schoolboys eye-ing the Homeland’s Farmalls. That look in their eyes; scary, I’d call it.
7) And finally, the Mars Rover’s destination, one of them, is a crater called ‘Glenelg’, named after a small town in Maryland, USA. Oddly, a town in Wales decided, a scant couple hundred years ago, to name itself after the crater on Mars. Or the town in Maryland. Copycats.
Wu: Hmm, every story here has an element of forwards/backwards text. Was that accidental?
Me: Ever tell you how much I appreciate your finding the smoke and mirrors in my stage act?
Wu: Hey, I try to be helpful.