Let’s all lern to write ‘Wright’ right… and other triple threats

     Someone called Edward Albee a ‘playright’ and of course I had to intervene in my kind and tactful style here on Xanga:
“Your wrong, bonehead. Its ‘PLAY-WRITE!!”
He took it well, and replied: “Yeah, and the Right Brothers had the write stuff, huh? Fuck off, you little Nazi.”
Well I’ll be Albee’s public defender! Sensitive much these days?
So I vowed to dedicate my life to spelling, after a brief sojurn to gaze at the gays and straights in the straits of Hormuz, wherever that is.

Ok, the vacation did wonders for my attitude. they’re there on their Xangas,  and I’m here at my command centre, high, above the fray.

But least I got back in time to  defend my buddy, at the corner store, we’ll call him ‘T’, an’ he’s bravely marketing a new line of tea coolers. Some jerk was ridiculing them, sayin’ stuff
like “Wow, I seen goat piss this exact same color, man.”
I told him sharply “Don’t you tease ‘T’s teas, goat-boy!” Ha, that put him in his place.

Meanwhile Fay, a female Iron-man competitor (Iron-woman?) is working on a fearsome new approach, screaming all kind of curses at her opponents, to psych ’em out. Still, we’re talking iron-men here, so I doubt we’ll see Fay’s phase faze the competition.

Like most home bakers, you’ve probably noticed that the wild deer eating from your bread-pans set out on the window-sill to rise seem to get groggy from the treat. Yes, a recent study has confirmed gluten’s soporific effect on ungulates. So watch those doughs. Does doze after eating ’em, and are then often ravished by opportunistic bucks in rut.

Moe, of Three Stooges fame, has been signed to portray Mose Allison in a bio-flick on the jazz
musician’s life and times. Said the casting head: ‘A bunch of good candidates, but Moe’s Mose mows down the competition like a weed-whacker on meth!”

Not to spoil the suspense, but in the film ‘The Vote’, after three excruciating hours of
‘watching-paint-dry’ class drama (!), the dumb-ass Partition Petition is defeated by a narrow
margin, and you can  go home already and eat all the popcorn you ‘care for’ in peace, on your own blessed couch, in your underwear.
Two thumbs down: Spoiler: As everyone by now knows, ‘No’s nose out ‘Yea’s by a narrow margin!” Not including the ten bucks you blew finding that out.

Edgar Allen Poe is often thought of as a morose schitso, frantically eying the heavens for that
damn Raven. Well, grainy photographs from his brief Italian vacation seem to tell a different
story; the author strutting his stuff on the river banks, flexing his muscles like a defiant
Mister America contender. An explanation proffered by his biographer: ‘The Po River’s pollution is anathema to most avian species, and the waters may have contained chemicals which affect the brain’s mood centers. Note to self: Check out Poe’s pose. Po’s influence and effluents need further study.”

The fraternity brothers were all seated on lines of impromptu folding lawn-chairs. Such is campus life among white males in the no-tse-tse-fly zone. Every silly Greek letter had sent its
contingent, but Tappa Kappa Rho was clearly in the majority. Something to do with Admissions and Alumni. So when the President, in mortar-board and gown-over-jeans, asked, begged, for a standing ovation, ‘Rho’s rows rose, proudly, in unison, like mushrooms after a heavy rain. Ya get what ya pay for.

Ribbons were awarded, in primary colours, at the close of last week’s raucous ‘Loudest-speakers’ contest in Twenty-nine Palms, (CA). As expected, Boris ‘Bo’ Jungles walked away, albeit deaf as a doorknob, with all the First Place bows. Bo’s Bose XJ-9000’s were just too ‘decibels much?’ for the Altecs and Jentsens of the also-rans.

Sadness. A heart-breakingly sincere experiment in urban gardening in Compton (CA) has ended, for now. Private donors had contributed implements and irrigation equipment for the cause, and local charities had enlisted the sweat-equity and participation of shelters for the abused, the hungry, the broken-spirited, in a commendable project. Reality intervened in the form of Norteno/Sudeno gang strife, with four ‘homies’ taken to local hospitals within hours of the formal opening fete.
Said one gang-ster:
“Ho’s, hoes, and a hose. Fuck that sh*t!”
Well, you can lead a horse’s ass to water…

And speaking of Compton scattering, Caltech researcher Raymond Blumentod, working primarily in his basement, has developed, sources are hinting, a prototype of a theoretical concentrated high-energy photon beam. Basically an X-ray gun, the device utilizes interactions between energized electrons and photons, and I’ll spare you the equations. Said one senior professor at Stanford we spoke to: “Ray’s rays raise the spectre of death-rays from the grave, and thus have potentially grave consequences for the defense community.” At press time, thankfully, no You Tube videos detailing the process had yet been posted.

Despite brave efforts, the Netherlands is still in a virtual tie against the encroachment of its
habitable land by the cold waters of the North Sea. Jorgen Higgenbottham, a seasoned veteran of decades of engineering projects with whom we spoke, however, projects an up-beat never-say-die attitude. “Anyone working in this field sees seas seize land year after year, much like your American ‘pioneers’ discovering’ and conquering the West.”
I didn’t respond per se to the implied critique of US manifest destiny expansionism, only
suggested that he buy a hat with a few more feathers.

The portable toilet bizness is apparently a tough racket. To wit: Louis Firecan’s novel start-up
in Essex-on-Avon, Westminstershire, UK. Funded in part by a grant from the Ministry of
Sanitation, his facilities feature built-in year-round heaters powered by solar cells, and a
unique footwear-conditining station, developed by the firm Shoehorne Ltd. The gadget, operating quietly while one ‘does his business’, gently expands the shoes, insuring a comfortable and ‘loose’ fit upon retrieval. The ‘rest-stops’ thus provide two of  the three most sought after amenities among his target niche market. Still, ‘Lou’s Loos’ lose a sobering three million Euros a year, according to public records. Perhaps the third ‘amenity’s inclusion will be a game-changer, if and when it happens.


26 thoughts on “Let’s all lern to write ‘Wright’ right… and other triple threats

  1. BoulderChristina

    It’s refreshing that you have also dedicated your life to spelling. Sum people don’t right write. It isn’t complementary of their posts or blogs, but their not worried about it!Glad your vacation did wonders for you, I think I need one too! I mean I need won two!

  2. we_deny_everything

    Ugh, bloggers must never wallow in homonyms There they’re their own worst enemies.In a rushed golf game we shout fore for four. Well, I crave a chilly Chile chili — going shopping while there’s daylight to buy by, BYE.

  3. jsolberg

    @murisopsis – Val we’re kinda working in parallel, you with constrained haikus and me, this game. Rules: three words, sound the same, spelled differently, make the cover story sound convincing, and force them into a back-to-back line-up. Hey, reminds me of political ads this season.

  4. Roadkill_Spatula

    Winnie wins defecation competition! Sore loser Christopher Robin pooh-poohs Pooh’s poos: “Everyone knows honey is a laxative.””Even after 62 years of marriage, he’s as grabby as ever,” said Ma. “I can never pause Pa’s paws, no matter how much I complain.”

  5. MelFamy

    Dim Sum is a chinese dumpling, made with fillings of either pork, chicken in tiny portions, but the best have a healthy vegetable filling. So, in sum, some sums mete meat; meet the dim sum that gives health, the veggie variety.

  6. AnyasFriendMe

    The real breakthrough behind Raymond Blumentod’s “x-ray gun” came from his study to find the perfect mixture of sodium salts to be used for the focusing lens for the high-energy photon beam. The development of the lens came from a study funded by the Portuguese government. The demonstration of the weapon reflected Raymond’s showmanship in that he wanted to have an ascending chromatic scale play in the background. The first two times he had to abort his demonstration on the second note. But the third time he successfully demonstrated it. Indeed, while Ray’s rays had had difficulties on the res, he managed to not just raze, but to completely rase a building by using his x-ray gun which was made possible with the reis that he did raise to perfect the rehs in its lens.(This link may help you in your efforts. It helped me.)

  7. jsolberg

    @MelFamy – Looks like you’re on a new hidden upper level, with Chinese takeout as an easter-egg-roll in the game. I’m flattered by your participation. Mine were fun to write: making the cover story feel authentic being the challenge.

  8. jsolberg

    @AnyasFriendMe – You got it, my friend! I went through the alphabet but missed that one, which you sent over the top and down the other side here, bravo. And thanks for the link; I’ll click it after a little sleep; we’re currently wandering around, dazed, in Israel, wondering why we’re back on Standard time in September(!)

  9. jsolberg

    @sleekpunk – Thanks, Slick. The link in a nice comment a few doors down the street here is to a NYT word list. I did the ascent without oxygen as usual, but apparently great minds are working on the raw materials independently. By me it’s cheating, so to speak, to consult the pros, like an open-book exam, but then, I missed ewe, yew…..and you. *blushes*

  10. Lovegrove

    Nice to see you back. Not your back, as that would suggest illicit entry in the Straits of Hormuz and we all know how the Persians like to cover their exits.It is good to insist that persons with literatcy pretensions write wright right but let’s not make a rite of it.

  11. jsolberg

    @Lovegrove – OMG how did I miss ‘rite’?! I must really be getting senile and absent-minded, despite my careful finger on the pulse.I do need to write an actual serious entry sometime; mostly I just avoid the issues with tinsel.

  12. Lovegrove

    @jsolberg – It’s “you’re wrong” not “your wrong” albeit it was his wrong. Am I right?Hey, what did the hippie priest say? “rite on, man”OK, OK, so I’ll go away now.I know what you mean about avoiding the issues. I get swamped by all the bovine shyte and as you say “tinsel” covering serious issues. I turn to satire to feel superior. I used to feel superior because of the maps of the British Empire on the walls of my classroom, then I left infant school. Now I’m just a blond (actually, I’m spelling that “bald” now) cracker with pretensions of understanding what’s going on. As that French dude never said “I think, therefore I’m confused”.

  13. jsolberg

    @Lovegrove – I like your report here on the current status; that same French dude also (never) said ‘the more I see gods the more I like dogs, I think.All errors in the post are intentional, except for them what ain’t. kinda

  14. scifiknitter

    Great chuckle making material here. Did you hear about the architectural restoration specialist who only works in the cold? He says “To freeze a frieze frees the artistic sensibility.”

  15. jsolberg

    @scifiknitter – Oh my. I am so envious of anyone who can effortlessly create a credible story like yours. Yeah, we’re all doing the best we can with the ‘English’. Let’s hope the 2nd Obama administration will have the votes to enact legislation which corrals these errant homonyms into place.


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