Poetic Anonymity

Jus’ be careful with them on-line forms, is all I’m sayin’…


{BELOW: TODAY’S POETRY LESSON}


Me: ‘Yonatan Stonewall’
Address:

‘1432 Nowhere Road/

Anytown, USA’
Yes, Yer Honor, dat’s my ‘Abode’
…an’ it’s all I plan to say…

The Judge: fairly typical, but vocal at times:

Seems a tad generic, boy.
You thought we wouldn’t notice?
Like-the time you listed ‘Redding’, then filled-
In your ‘Name:’ as ‘Otis’?

Me: Uh oh. I remember that. Napster. She’s got a file on me?
Well I bet this one ain’t in it:

1 7 2 9 Hardy Road, yeah my
Mom’s a taxi-dermist
Steals feathers from old mattresses
The best ones are the firmest

Judge: Not amused:

Son, remember, all this can, and
will be used against you.
You will rot in jail, you’ll eat your shoes
and, believe me, that’s a ‘dense chew’.

Hmm…‘Contrived rhyme’: deduct 10 points. But ‘tell it to the judge’.
Meanwhile; more threats and tricks:

Judge:
This Court has ways to make you talk
We can cut you like a knife
This ‘crib’ you claim on ‘Nowhere Road’;
Have you lived there all your life?

Me: Haha. Who’s she, my straight-man?

Not yet, Your Honor, things take time.”  (*rim-shot*)
(By the way, your outfit’s stunning!)
Let’s meet in chambers, have a ball
Then hit the cold earth running.

Judge: Neither amused nor impressed. Tightens the knot:

Let’s look at pictures, shall we, Boy?
Here’s one, might be familiar?
It’s either you or Myrna Loy
You decide, or we’ll get sillier

Me: Gulp. ‘They know’. Deep breath. Ignore…

OK, the dude resembles me
Let’s say he just got lucky
But-the-shades, they’re so ‘last century’
Guy’s old, and dumb, and ‘sucky’

Judge: Rustling through her files. (Letterman and Leno done that too, when things weren’t going well):

‘1 3 5 9 7th Ave’,
an odd choice of a-dress?
Not sayin’ you wear them women’s clothes
But you will, ‘under duress’.

Me: Again with the homo prison-threats? This shit’s gettin’ old.
Might as well throw myself to the mercy of the Court:

Ya got me, counsel, fair and square
I am Solberg, in the flesh
Now habeas my corpus
While the meat’s still young and fresh

Judge: Gulp. Then Bang. (shuts off cameras)

I find the-defendant guilty
of ‘Impersonation One’
Postpone the Sentence Phase until the
Parties have some fun

Me: Uh oh. Might have to get drunk for this.



YES, THIS POST IS POETRY

Functional, practical, rhythmic, and properly rhyming.
Call it ‘Sing-song’ if you must, but it kept me out of Sing-Sing, so there.
You were expecting {blank} verse??

Man
Alone in the Kosmos
At least he hopes
Wary of Cookbooks

A Box of Baco-bits
Last one on the Quickee-Mart shelf
Praying to remain in its current state
Forever and a day

A dollar thirty eight you pay
The Fine Structure constant
A co-incidence?
And a pie for $3.14?
Also the work of cruel chance?

The food is now yours
It will soon be a part of you
Alone again in the Kosmos

Nah, who the hell knows what that stuff means. Cute formatting though

Me, I’m a sucker for the lyric-ready:

A tear is just a tear
It rhymes with ‘here’ or ‘there’
But f*ck me if I know which one?
Gets fundamentally more un-clear
As Time goes by
END of LESSON. (TEST as soon as I come up for parole.)

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27 thoughts on “Poetic Anonymity

  1. Lakakalo

    Solberg, you tower above the competing beasts(one curious accident away from rather educational feasts)like a giraffe in a circus parade,(of which a lot of nonsensical rhyme can be made)except for the 40 foot whooping crane.(Avoiding court because, from downloading a song, it did refrain.).Whew. 😀

    Reply
  2. jsolberg

    @ordinarybutloud – I know both those facts. Shades are my dad’s from the, like, 50s… and I’m just practicing getting off in court on charm, since substance is probably out. Hmm. “If I did it, this sure ain’t how”, might sell a copy or two.

    Reply
  3. jsolberg

    @Lakakalo – yes of course, Al is on record as testifying. But Love conquers All, and I’ve prevailed on her to at least give it a try. Not the most solid basis for a relationship, agreed, but hey, PPLs can change

    Reply
  4. twoberry

    Against the judge I hold no grudgeFor calling my wife “Dumb Dora”After she called HIM an old curmudge.She took “forms” as “forums,” read: fora.

    Reply
  5. jsolberg

    @twoberry – Perfecto! (And I quick checked for a possible typo in the first line; It’s just like men of your caliber to bring it to my attention with a sly poem.Yeah the Judge, she ok. Opted not to carve any lacunae in my curriculum vitae

    Reply
  6. memememe321

    I struggle to add to this, and can come up with only nuclear, but it’s faulty because it tackles only the “un” and not the “clear” in the way /you/ read, sometimes, right-to-left. Are you ok? I wonder what you think of the term: multiverse. One great thing about your piece is it led to my finding this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MetaverseAs time goes by? Hey, I don’t mind killing time this way, but good lord, I hope you are ok.

    Reply
  7. MelFamy

    Why am I in court?not because of any tort.original or reAccording to reportsmy romancing is sans wartsyet it wasn’t bigamyI’m too old for crazy capersI didn’t take two papersafter paying for just oneI’m not here because i’m violentI have no villainy to rueI can’t make sense of this summonsDidn’t Kafka dream this too?

    Reply

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