No one saw it coming. Millions of disbelievers world-wide stared at the headlines and screamed: “OMG This has got to be a joke!”
Popular social-networking site goes to black: Catastrophic loss of all data reported
‘Please let it be Farce-Book!’ they pleaded, trembling mouse-hand scrolling helplessly down into the full horror of the story:
Xanga Inc, a well-liked second-tier blog platform locked its cyber-doors at 12 PM EST Wednesday in a stunning move which left shocked survivors gasping in anguish. There was no advance notice, and attempts to contact the firm’s NY office were unsuccessful, as of this report.
But a staff member, speaking anonymously as ‘John’, explained:
‘Xanga’s finished. Road-kill. Every bit of data was deleted from the servers.”
“On purpose?” this reporter pressed the source.
“We have no idea at this point. It just happened, is all I can say.”, he revealed, before a hasty exit accompanied by two armed body-guards.
Google paralyzed by ‘hit‘s on cached-blogs as victims race frantically to save posts.
Internet giant Google.com faced an un-precedented and apparently impossible challenge this
morning, as users of the defunct blog-platform Xanga.com inundated servers world-wide with
page-load requests, attempting, largely in vain, to salvage a few precious memories from their
on-line journals. The search-engine as a consequence was ‘down’ for a record 7 1/2 hours in most of the US, the UK, and, especially hard-hit, Asia.
“All I got was this-here stupid Comment about a guy’s horse!” said one blogger we spoke to.
Said another, stoically: “Oh well. Guess I’ll go back to eating drech. All my weight-watching diary entries. Poof! Just like that. And just when I broke 117.8!”
In contrast, one moderately well-known writer on the host with whom we spoke, seemed oddly unfazed by the platform’s sudden auger-in:
“True, it’s impossible to ignore the wholesale suffering caused by the site’s demise. I mean, it’s the only thing running on every channel today. Yesterday’s nuclear exchange between cross-town Mid-East rivals Iran and Israel is now a back-page blurb:
‘Iran described by eye-witnesses as ‘A hole in the ground where there was a country… once” A story like that ain’t chopped liver, bro. But Xanga-death, now that’s a ‘pochalypse!”
“So, do you have plans yet, for starting over from scratch? To, you know, put the pieces of your life back together, if that’s even..?”, we asked him.
“What ‘pieces’? I’m backed up on hard-drives, floppy drives, CDs, DVDs, flash drives, EPROMs, clay tablets… I didn’t lose squat. Personally.”
“How’d ya do dat? Didn’t you need what they called ‘Premium’ to download ‘Archives’?”
“…and I don’t look like a ‘Premium’ kinda guy, is what yer sayin?”
“Frankly…um… So how’d ya do it, save stuff?”
“Easy, I read jsolberg‘s nifty tutorial, followed the steps, and today my only problem is not
getting hit by suicidal Xangans jumping out of office windows. Wow, there went another one! That was close! Lucky she’s a thin-spo.”
“So what’s the date on that post? I’d love to read it.”
“It’s scheduled for later this week.”
“Duh. Xanga’s kaput! What you talking about?”
“Nah, I just made that part up. To, you know, scare folks into reading the Post.”
“Whew! And ‘Iran back to the Stone Age’, also a spoof?”