An Afterlife? WTF!

     It just occurred to me that The Godless such as myself will be treated  to an Interesting Surprise at least, if Life-after-Death turns out to be in fact a real feature of this vale of tears.
While folks who lived their entire lives merely assuming and anticipating the Eternal Un-moveable Feast will, by contrast, only be able to cluck, “Well of course. Whoever doubted it?”
And then I suppose the only relevant follow-up question is: ‘What ambient temperature awaits us infidels?’
For if we too are escorted briskly into the Main Dining Hall whose plastic-slip-cover-ed folding tables over-flow with potato salad and chicken casserole, under the loving out-stretched Arms of the King of Kings, and maybe his Mom, we shall have, not only the prospect of a warm meal after our final dwindling years on Social Security pasta or hospital IV nutrition to smile about, but also the oddly-gratifying perk of having bet on the Wrong Horse and still doubling our money.

     Of course some from the deodorized  Safe-bet crowd were dearly hoping we’d pay for our Sins-of-Unbelief in vats of super-heated oil for Time Im-memoriam. This will make for some uncomfortable seating arrangements:
“So, what church did you go to?”
“Um.. I didn’t. Could you pass the salt please.”
*looks around the Room*
‘Security?!

On the other hand, the scene amid the Flames of Hell may be equally conflicted, as those such as I scream:
“F*ck this, man. I never even stepped on an ant! Why me?”, and the church-going philanderers, wife-beaters, and serial tax-cheaters search frantically and in vain, again, for
‘Security?



‘Blaze’ Pascal wagered roughly:
1)  “If I bet on ‘This earthly life is all she wrote’, and I’m right, I win, factually, but I won’t be around anymore to spend the bucks when I die. No fun there…”

2)   “But if I bet on an Eternal Life awaiting me, there’s two(2) possible outcomes:

2a)  Either I was wrong; I get dead, the lights go out, and I’ll never know about it, or:

2b)  I was right! dammit, there was an Afterlife! In which I’ll either:

2ba  ….play my out-of-tune harp forever and ever, amen… Or:

2bb)  ….watch my gonads saute in lard for eons. Not the perfect career-choice, but at least I’ll be able to gloat to the other deep-fries: “Told ya so!”

Whew. Based on all that, Pascal advised Men to go with the Hunting Grounds, happy or not.

I think someone found a fatal flaw in the ointment of his reasoning, but I’ll have to Google it.
….while there’s still Time.

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29 thoughts on “An Afterlife? WTF!

  1. Roadkill_Spatula

    I have no idea why this post was written, but it’s always a delight to see your artwork. You should have included some animation. You did some memorable animation a few montths (years?) back.I think heaven is a lot more interesting than it’s usually portrayed. The things we truly enjoy here are only tiny foretastes. I hope you’ll join me there. If there’s beer, it’ll be a lot better than whatever it is you’re drinking now.

    Reply
  2. ordinarybutloud

    Bahahahahaha…I can’t visualize Heaven. The whole thing begins to seem so preposterously improbable when I do that it makes it impossible for me to sit primly and properly in church. And we can’t have that.

    Reply
  3. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula – It’s actually a folded-up version of the Prodigal Son, where someone lost, or given up on, and then found is given more of a welcome-home party than the kids who never left. Or the black sheep. Idk, it hit me as deep, is all. Plus I always wanted to try to lay out Pascal in layman’s terms.And I’m a bit parodying a rather hick unsophisticated cohort of theological minds here. I’m assuming that “In Heaven there is no Beer/That’s why we must drink it here.”but see, I’z slick. All the better to be surprised when they roll out kegs of BeerSheva.

    Reply
  4. twoberry

    I always figured if there was a God, he’d judge me OK whether I bet on him or not.  Moreover, if logic tells me he (probably) doesn’t exist, then making Pascal’s recommended wager would be a refusal to use His greatest gift to me (my mind), which would be damnable.So I never really agreed with Pascal’s thesis.

    Reply
  5. dirtbubble

    There’s a work-around for this dilemma. I belonged to the faction of Christians who believe one can’t lose one’s salvation. Just believe a little bit – take a vacation from skepticism – and after that it’s fine if you “struggle with your faith” as much as you have to. 😉 After all, it is kind of difficult to believe.

    Reply
  6. we_deny_everything

    We can hope there is a god and She is tolerant of our underwear. Yes, if Mitt Romney and the Mormons are right, God is the holy Mother, and she don’t allow no cursing or smoking. You can look it up.

    Reply
  7. chromepoet

    Well, here’s to hoping no special circle of Hell awaits those foolish enough to waste their short lives wondering if there is a special circle of Hell waiting for those foolish enough to waste their short lives wondering if there is a special circle of hell waiting for those foolish enough to waste their short lives wondering if there … OMG, there IS a circle, and it’s here. Now. Run away. Run away.

    Reply
  8. jsolberg

    @ordinarybutloud – Ha, What I’d pay to see you sitting primly and properly, thinking ‘I’d put a quarter in the offering plate, but my daughter just swallowed it.’Actually, OBL, both of us could probably design a fairly sensitive high-class Heaven, where all relationships are heart-breakingly profound, perfectible talents are perfected, and someone else worries to bring all the bicycles in for the night. By 8:00 PM. Lights-Out!. Well, we’ll work on that part.(And I tried to comment five minutes after you posted your comment last night, but the Swedes shut me down mid-stream, and I ‘saved’ the reply for now. Yeah, that’s how much I care about you:)

    Reply
  9. jsolberg

    @we_deny_everything –  I *did* look it up, and if any putative mainstream religion is a candidate for *eyes roll skyward*, it’d have to be Joey Smith’s gang of gold-diggers. The story of the origin of the book of mormon (sp?) reads like a screen-play from the dumpster behind a ‘B’ movie house. And anyone who buys it deserves the bitter fate of being a white guy. You down wid wat I be sayin’, holmes?

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  10. jsolberg

    @chromepoet – I count on you, an un-spoiled Man of the Forest, to see the Trees here. Oh, and to remember the Maxim: ‘When you’re lost in the rain in Juarez.. and you pass the same damn point three times, it probably means ‘You can’t go home again’./ If there *is* a Reward, it’ll have to include hangin’ out with the likes of you, Chromie.

    Reply
  11. jsolberg

    @DEISENBERG – Haven’t had the pleasure, but a measure of my respect for your mind, I’ll read it post haste, for the birthday-boy. Was that the one where he wrote: “If all you got is a Bible, everything starts to look like a cardinal sin.”?

    Reply
  12. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula – And yeah, I went seriously gunga-ho on home-made animations for a while… till the 30-day trial program expired. a couple readers complained that my site gave them epileptic seizures, so I reverted to my usual stol-id inanimate inanity. call me Tim-id.

    Reply
  13. jsolberg

    @blonde_apocalypse – My pleasure. In Heaven we mortals are treated to the front-side of your profile-picture, right? (I feel like Moses sometimes, staring at it.) Thanks so much for your input. Other than gun-control, we probably have lots in common:)

    Reply
  14. jsolberg

    @HappierHeathen – Yeah, that’s a little known corollary to Pascal. After deciding rigorously where you want to spend eternity, you still have the opt-out option, if playing boring board-games without end ain’t to yer liking.( I had a deceased great-aunt once, she wuz haunting my house; asked her why she left Pearly Gates Rest Homes. Among other bitches, she mentioned the low-quality Scrabble: all the kool four-letter words are dis-allowed. “Yeah, f*ck that.” I said, and she laughed a ghostly laugh I shall never forget.

    Reply
  15. jsolberg

    @twoberry – You make a nicely deep point, as I expected. It’s as if, in medical terms, there are antibiotics which somehow refuse to have any therapeutic efficacy if they ‘sense’ that the patient is skeptical. Really; any God worth honoring oughta be above such pettiness. I expect to be allowed to apologize for my unbelief in the buffet line, with my plate, fork, and spoon. Damn, I’m hungry. Thinking about blowing out the pilot light and turning on the gas already.

    Reply
  16. jsolberg

    @blonde_apocalypse –  Moshe? sure, I subbed to him like, 3000 years ago. Doesn’t post much himself; usually lets his brother Aaron be the mouthpiece. Btw, I dearly love your profile, even though the luxurious coif does make me envious. I was to the waist in ’67, but G-d had other plans.

    Reply

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