Is this mike on? This may be the Last Post of my Life.

    At least if I heed the advice of the sadly late Steve Jobs; ‘Write your Xanga entry each day as though it will be your last.’ …something like that.
Notwithstanding the upbeat side of this mantra, I think we need to look at the unintended side-effects of seriously adopting it.

‘Seasonally-adjusted durable goods plunge 73% as millions heed Jobs’ advice, cancel purchases.’

Yeah, why buy an iPhone™ just to use it one day? Your heirs will certainly be questioning your sanity at the wake; you don’t want that now, do you?
And why do laundry? Stock the fridge? Talk civilly to your mother-in-law?
Yes, just about every daily activity beyond  the default: ‘Eat, Drink, and Be Merry’ will suddenly lose much of its justification. Why bother?
But what if one does, however, want to leave a nice corpse, in clean underwear, just screaming out what a good boy ’twas I?
I suppose that’s the corollary, the ‘do-able’ part of the maxim. Plan not to be here tomorrow, and do your best to leave the joint a better place.

I can’t help but mention my father, of blessed memory, who died in his sleep a couple years ago at the age of 92. Cut down in his prime. He’d bought an enormous load of groceries the night before; had seen to organizing the attic nice and tidy already 20 years previously. Asked me to help, but I told him I thought the job was way premature. He’d spent the last evening making a long list of  deceased folks he wanted to be sure and look up if/when it turned out there was a Heaven. It was in his handwriting on the table.  I’m not sure which part of the Jobsian manifesto he subscribed to.

And then there’s my own (false alarm) ‘Final Day’. I shut off the computer after reading Wiki’s
‘Five sure warning signs of an impending heart attack’. I was five for five. Thought good and hard, then frantically rebooted the computer. (C’mon, sucker, get to the splash screen!)
Two hours later I’d deleted everything incriminating on my hard drive. The temptation was great to save a backup of contacts, photos, memoirs. But where to stash it? I’m not the first bloke to have this problem. Treasures have been buried, with cryptic instructions meant to be found years later by the right person. But I have a mix of ’10’ and ’20-year’ secrets, and then stuff best kept underground till 2120. Not that I wanted things to turn out that way. One little secret at a time, and pretty soon you’re ‘secretive’.
And the worst part is that the nurse at the hospital looked at the EKG I’d handed her from the little village clinic and laughed. Yes, she laughed. I thought it was in bad taste, but then she added:  “Looks like the nurses there clipped the ground wire to your {location with-held}!” Uh huh, the dangerous anomaly was simply a ‘clerical error’, so to speak. And my chest pain was simply congestion. ‘It’ll go away by itself‘ I was told. Yeah, sorry about those classified files(!)

Anyway, my fridge has a plastic door, but for you guys with the Sears’ ‘Best’ model, clip ‘n
stick these somewhere. One of ’em is certainly correct. Take your pick.
a Rude Awakening?

Go ahead. Make that call. Steve says it’s ok.

You can put this on ‘Repeat’

Jezuz, what they believed in the 60s…


6 thoughts on “Is this mike on? This may be the Last Post of my Life.

  1. Roadkill_Spatula

    I was going to make you some stew with the beans from your shelling party for the holiday, but I suck at Succot succotash.Any particular reason why you disabled comments on your latest post?I didn’t see this one either until just now. I do much of my Xanga surfing at work and yesterday was Columbus Day.It has occurred to me to organize my files so that my kids will be able to find the life insurance, etc. But I haven’t done it yet; I don’t know where the life insurance policies are.

  2. HappierHeathen

    Wanted to comment but couldn’t come up with a damned thing worth committing to posterity… I suppose being mostly brainless has something to do with it.Oh, hey, here’s something: Thanks for taking the time to write always entertaining and/or thought provoking stuff.

  3. jsolberg

    @HappierHeathen – Thanks (you’re obviously one of the ones I’m lucky to have as readers). And yes, a google of the site name, in my case at least, just returns page after page of comments I’ve left on others’ sites; no context, so I sound disjointed in the extreme. Weird. Plus it’s there till the Big Collapse

  4. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula – I disabled in order to ‘drive comments, if they should happen’ to content posts and not meta-musings like my latest.The saving of artifacts delicately is an intractable. No easy way to pull (or push on) strings post mortis. don’t think I have life ins. A conspiracy against fate and the god’s will, we believe. Thanks for your time and the perfect addition to the party. Seemless, I’d call it

  5. dirtbubble

    Consider my comment driven to content. Once again I’m amazed at some odd coinciding thought vectors. Meditations on and preoccupation with mortality aside, my thoughts on your recent post surge actually came up in discussion offline – including my concern about not having the presence of mind to combobulate a comment. And it does verily surround issues of secrets and priorities. And this is by far one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read.


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