Ok, some newly-minted MBA on the top floor, Mike, just decided to create us an Office of Public Relations. As if we need one. I mean, we sell innovative pest-control devices, mostly for the poultry industry. PR??
Plus, he only interviewed one candidate, Patti Ritlyn, whose overflowing ‘hotness’ gives me at least the impression the he forgot ‘PUBLIC’ has an ‘L’ in it.
Anyway, she’s got a spiffy office, (vacated un-willingly by Lionel in Acct’s Receivable).His new quarters make a broom closet look spacious, and his usually agressive, (ok, ‘ferocious’) moods are now pretty much terminally ballistic. All the better to yell at deadbeats though, I guess. But back to Patti.
Miss Patti, bless her heart, was like totally duh on ‘PR, whaas dat?’ She’s up there since Monday morning, dicking with Lionel’s computer and um… learning the ropes, so to speak. Anyway we just got this first office e-mail. It sounds like she may be pulling (pushing?) on the right rope, but I’ll let the reader decide. I wish her well; she is qualified. Anatomically at least. Oh wait, ‘PUBLIC RELATIONS’.
FROM: Patti Ritlyn in P-R
RE: Egyptian Goddess of Love?? (Don’t quote me on that, LOL)
Ok, Hi everybody. Is this thing working?
So like I’m in charge of P-R, and I want to explain some of the stuff you may be noticing, as I ease into position.
First of all, the trees. Mike said I could put them anywhere I wanted, so they’re there at the entrance beside the logo sign. A pair of pear trees. Don’t worry, Larry will level the ground tomorrow afternoon. He’s my brother-in-law (um.. my sister’s husband, relax guys) and he does landscaping a lot. Golf courses mainly. He can make a par four into a par 2 in half a day, he’s that good.
By the way, I’ll be off Friday. I’m going to a P-R convention, at the Grand Interconsonantal in Haifa Bay. It’ll help me in my new job, hopefully, you know, peering at my peers there on the pier. Plus it’s only like 400 shekels per diem. Or per night. Something like that.
Ok, next we have Pyre to get over with. Icksa, it’s like when they burn dead bodies. Gross. Pyrotechnics are nice though. Mike, quote, “expects real fireworks from a bombshell like you.”, he told me. Don’t know if he’s allowed to say stuff like that. I do know that if I can help the man-on-the-street learn to love us and our rat-traps more fervently, it’ll be a success-story for us… and for P-R. And we’re gonna have one hell of a Pyrrhic Victory Party.
But first I need to pore through the pile of Customer Complaints that keep pouring in since we released the Mongoose Im-mutilator II™. Poor me. Sounds like it works…well.. too well. Oh well, that’s my job.
In closing, it promises to be a pure pleasure, the challenge of making this company be more be-loved, of watching chicken farmers purr contentedly at night, knowing that our improved Fox-Gard-99™ is on duty.
Yes, it’s been a hectic week, growing into my new job. A week with a few little mis-steps. (‘Public Relations‘, turns out, is not ‘doing it in the road’. Google Schmoogle!)
But otherwise, this computer sure helps. (Thanks, Lionel, but what’s with all the gladiator bookmarks?)
Anyway, P-R is all about the vowels, I’m pretty sure. Put them together just right and life can be purr-fect.
Ta-ta for now/ Patti
Wu: I smell an outside influence on Patti’s process of self-discovery…
JS: Just what are you insinuating, Wu?
Wu: Admit it; like some vile vole, you got to the young veal with your vial of vowels…
JS: That’s an awful way to put it. Ok, we had a little chit-chat. I might’ve told her to look for the power in P-R. But I didn’t write the letter.
Wu: C’mon. “A pair of Pear trees”?
JS: Her idea. Absolutely. That’s how I knew, ‘By George, she’s got it’. They’ll get plenty of water down there beside the failed pond at the Corporate entrance gate.
JS: Ok, I did it, Wu. I did it for Luke. Sue me.
Wu: Who’s the hell’s Luke?
JS: Um, Luke‘s the guy who likes to look at the leak in the lake. Unfortunately, he’s out of luck; he
lacks the key to the lock…
Wu: I give up!