Damn Monogoose

I caught the sucker brown-handed.
11 AM, and the chickens suddenly started screaming…. how do you say it in Yiddish, ‘GEWALT!!’
It looked like a big ground-hog, familiar from Pennsylvania, except that it had a furry tail probably three feet long. Ok, two feet.
Called a ‘Nimia’ in Hebrew, I’d been warned.
The screen of the cage ends a couple inches below ground level, but these guys are known to dig tunnels, just like their cousin invasive species in Gaza.
‘I shall not go down as the chicken President who lost even one of his forces during my watch’.
Tonight I’ll sleep near the cage, if I don’t come up with a fool-proof defensive Iron Wall plan.
A moat of fire? I’m liking that idea…
Or possibly just an artificial lake surrounding their enclave, filled with, how to put it nicely, my own urine’?
Piss on mongooses.
Nature, snakes, mongeese, eggs, car inspection. It’s all so complicated.


29 thoughts on “Damn Monogoose

  1. seedsower

    I like how you threw car inspections in there. Tht is an awful looking creature.I was reading a book to my nephew about Pennsylvania wildlife last year. I read to him about Woodchucks and at the end it said that Woodchucks are also called Groundhogs….I said Whaaaaaaaaaaa? I thought they were two different animals.

  2. jsolberg

    @memememe321 – oops, I really ought to credit the photo; got it from an israeli wildlife site, since if I shoot the guy, it won’t be televised, so to speak. Yeah, it does crawl around on its belly. I’m kinda mad just now; didn’t need this today. Thanks for your comment/ JS

  3. Roadkill_Spatula

    The monogoose (pl. digoose, trigoose, tetragoose, pentagoose, etc., which explains why they tend to be solitary) is any member of a family (Herpestidae) of 33 species of small carnivorans from southern Eurasia and mainland Africa.

  4. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula – Hmm, my sources also mention that they are devout Mormons, living in polygamous groups with one male and several ‘wives’. Wait, I guess that tendency also covers some Islamicist followers. Both groups dig tunnels; one in the New York hills for gold, the other, for a safe passage of plastic explosives.I hope to soon have a still picture of my own to post, very still as in rigour mortis.

  5. jsolberg

    @chromepoet – Chromie, I’m really kinda fixated on the Ring-O-Fire option. Doesn’t bark, doesn’t poop, just lies there asking the burning question : ‘Are you feeling lucky today, rat-breath?’

  6. Roadkill_Spatula

    @jsolberg – Meerkats are Mormons? I have yet to see Mormons stand in a row and bask in the sun, nor a guy biking in a suit watching the sky to bark out a warning when a hawk flies over. But maybe things are different in Cumorah.

  7. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula – I’ll look up their files in the genealogical vaults. And I hope this guy’s got lots of canned goods stored underground, cuz he ain’t getting my chickens, I say with some unjustified confidence and/or bravado.

  8. HappierHeathen

    I think a hay fork would be a quite satisfying mongoose dispatch device… but then I tend to go ugly when my chooks are threatened. And to heave large rocks at marmots trying to gnaw through my backpack to get at my freeze-dried human chow, too. Like any other good and proper critter I don’t willingly share my feed.Good luck with the mongrat.

  9. Amoralis

    Kipling would have us believe a mongoose is a noble creature for it’s anti-snake sentiments. Which is worse? snake-in-the-grass or mongoose on the loose?

  10. ordinarybutloud

    That is one UGLY creature. He’s like a land eel. A moray with fur. I was going to tell you you misspelled mongoose but then I got a clue…p.s. at least you don’t have snakes, right?

  11. jsolberg

    @HappierHeathen – I haven’t seen him since I screamed during our first meeting. I’ll be sure to read the condemned his Miranda rights if I catch him again.Yeah, I know, it’s Nature and the well-oiled food chain, but something about being vulnerable here in Israel goes heavily against my grain.

  12. jsolberg

    @Amoralis – A pox on both their houses dear, although someone reminded me this morning, preaching to the converted, that we should be happy for diversity and surviving mammal populations against all encroaching Levittown odds.But yeah, snake venom, another good ingredient to add to my possible moat. I may even get academic recognition for assessing their reputed immunity.

  13. jsolberg

    @ordinarybutloud –  Well, OBL, in newspeak, ‘SVFX’ and ‘SVF-Snakes.” (Say it aloud)But this varmint, who turns out to be not an imported invader but, in fact, native to the region for millennia simply needs to internalize his role in my life, and we’ll even be friends. I already changed ‘fucker’ to ‘sucker’ in the post. A confidence-building first step toward raproachment.

  14. Lovegrove

    @jsolberg – My method of keeping predators from my hens is to lay concrete tiles around the hen roost, which should confound foxes and certain levels of burglar. If I ever see a mongoose, I’d just drop a call to the immigration departmentd. They aren’t native to this far north and I’m fed up with them coming here and taking all our jobs, I mean chickens.

  15. jsolberg

    @Lovegrove – Your concrete ‘Iron Curtain’ is almost exactly what I’ll probably be forced to do… after all my cuter hi-tech and pyrotechnical solutions prove to be more fun than expedient. Thanks for the voice of experience. I do also have foxes, jackals and hyenas (hyenae?) to worry about next.All this for an underweight egg or too per week. Oh well, it’s a hobby

  16. elgan

    I now understand why hen houses are often elevated: so as to discourage tunnel-digging predators. I suppose this isn’t an option for you. The cement block/wall solution seems like a good one. I feel a personal warmth toward your hens, having met them myself. Best of luck with this one, and the car inspection, too.

  17. jsolberg

    @elgan – Thanks, El, for your wishes. Car’s inspected after a hell-on-earth, including walking maybe 50 K in three days, plus a sudden inexplicable failure of the motor to even turn over, just when I was in the front of the line for the Scrutinizers.As to other fowl, my chickens also wish we could have planned a longer meeting. I now have 6, and that 3X olfactory signal on the winds might have attracted to evil. Haven’t seen him since though. Must’ve been something I said to the guy; I didn’t mince words.

  18. locomotiv

    I admit i’ve never seen such creature. It  looks angry.  They must be dangerous to us humans… It reminds me of a bear and also of a fish…

  19. jsolberg

    @locomotiv – He’s mad because I used disrespectful language when I saw him. Oh, and he didn’t get the chicken dinner. I’m told they have infectious bites (and not in the sense of a smile) and are sometimes rabid.Oh well, today there was also a black-snake lining up for a Happy Meal. Vot ya gonna do? Nice to meet you/ JS

  20. twoberry

    You could have said mongooses, if you’d wanted.  Both plurals are in the dictionary.  An anagram of mongoose is gonosome, which is defined as “n.  individuals, collectively, in a colonial animal that are involved with reproduction” …… and I had to look up “colonial animal” and here’s what I found when I Googled:colonial animal  –noun Biology . 1. a collective life form comprising associations of individual organisms that are incompletely separated, as corals and moss animals. 2. any of the individual organisms in such a life form.

  21. gnostic1

    I think I found her (looks like a woman to me-check the teeth) cousin in my mitten hamper last fall. I got a basket of used cobras from the petting zoo and charged the locals a dollar and a half just to see ’em … fight. She ate so many snakes that she had to move up a weight class. One thing led to another and pretty soon she was hitting the sauce pretty hard, smoking crack, and jumping up and down on my chesterfield like it was a jolly jumper and not a lit ciggie clamped in my puck-decimated teeth. One day, delusional and jonesing for some Jack, she offered to fight one last cobra for a nickle rock … unaware that it was a mob set-up and her opponent was a ’69 Shelby Mustang.So do that. 

  22. jsolberg

    @gnostic1 – Hahaha. I love the ‘…so do that” As if adding an ex-post-facto didactic raison to the comment.Dumb thing is: wouldn’t surprise me to find out that your field-study anecdotal addendum was entirely true.Seeing as how I’d told her, among other bits of vulgar advice, to ‘go to Hell’. She must’ve taken it to heart.Snakes, oddly, are my replacement nemesis now. Haven’t seen so many vipers here in Israel for years. Cat’s away, mice play, I guess.

  23. gnostic1

    Your post reminded me of Donovan’s song from about 1970 about the famed Riki Tiki etc, which reminded me of the great song about the pope from the same album so I had to go find that, put a fresh quarter on the tone arm, and listen to my childhood once again.So thanks.       ( I’ll try to limit this but I’m glad you liked it.)

  24. jsolberg

    @gnostic1 – I know the feeling: I Google song to re-learn when they came out, and hence, what was I doing that year. Did memory-wonders for me the 45 ‘Big John’/ flip side ‘I won’t go huntin’ with you Jake, but I’ll go chasin’ women’ Something like that. Your ‘dollar and a half just to see ’em’ also was duly noted.


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