A chicken egg? “Oh, about a hunnderd-dollar…”

   Ok, it doesn’t take a Rain-man savant to figure I might have paid a bit more than market price for my first ‘free’ breakfast omelet. The cage including lathe frame, full chicken-wire around and above, the nesting stand, feed dishes, feed at 70 shekels for 30 kilos, yeah, the numbers add up.
Seven (7) days I waited patiently after their arrival, until the pleasant surprise just a few minutes ago. Admirably non-judgemental t’was I. No scolding sign screaming “Eggs or Schnitzel, you-uns decide!”, no standing near the coop demonstratively looking at my watch muttering under my breath “Time is money, pigeons.”
Kinda reminds me of my style with customers. I always prefer to let them pay on their own volition, even if I have to mingle with ’em near the frozen fish at the supermarket without commenting on the debt. I’m thought of in these parts, for my kindness, as a total sucker; a ‘freier’ is our word for it, presumably from yiddish. Yet the warm feeling of allowing someone, some fellow ‘there but for fortune go I’ to pay when he gets the cash is as rewarding for me as it is for him. I hope.
Anyway, the egg pictured works out to about 350 shekels, not including labour. Here, eggs are less than a shekel apiece, not to mention that the little egg  from the proud Arabian hen weighs less than I can jism on a good hair day if I like you.
Oh well. I’ll get back to ya’all in about a year with a further business report.

On a sadder note, I wasn’t just sitting around licking paper plates this week. Helped out with a video-shoot for a local winery. Even finessed a gig for a buddy of mine, Murphy, as a stage-hand. He’s short, real short; in fact one leg is shorter than the other; possibly un-diagnosed childhood polio.
Anyway, he was happily carrying grapes onto the stage when a couple of the owners arrogantly decided to roughly remove him from the scene, squashing produce in the process. I’m assuming they feared the ‘runt’ might be caught on-camera, damaging their image and product-placement.  Sad. I really debated calling the local rag-sheet,
the ‘Netanya Tattler’ to do an expose on their thoughtlessness.
If they had an English edition, they could have run with the headline:
Group of loco locals gripe; grope ‘grupsich‘ grip’s grapes.”
Oh well, me’n Murph will never drink Shabby Bros Chablis ever again. Serves ’em right.
 Now back to breakfast…

Wu: File under ‘shoulda happened’.
Me: Fair enough, but the egg is real, guy. I’m not that good in Photoshop.


13 thoughts on “A chicken egg? “Oh, about a hunnderd-dollar…”

  1. jsolberg

    @vexations – Well, acording to the woman who gave me the hens, they’ll sit on anyone’s eggs. Some of her brood seem to personally enjoy sitting all day; others almost never do. She’s got a dozen chicks running around, including under the sofa, and no one knows which mama they resemble most. Tonight I’m rumoured to get a second ‘schlug’ of feathered friends. Mebbe they’ll inspire each other; meanwhile I’m not sure what to do with one perfect but junior-sized egg.

  2. HappierHeathen

    I’ve found that in general you get more eggs per hen when you have more hens around, so it might just work out that adding more will do the trick. The occasional rooster is always a good idea, too, as a hen that’s been bred recently will produce more eggs than one that’s been neglected. But if you don’t have a half-dozen or more hens you don’t want to keep the rooster with them because he’ll “tear them up”. You end up with exhausted or even dead hens with no feathers on their heads or backs, victim of the rooster’s tenacious virility.@vexations –  A broody hen will set just about anything, even a golf ball. A hen that’s not broody at all won’t even set her own eggs. Some breeds are known to be broody, some are known not to be broody at all. Those who raise non-broody breeds either use incubators or hens of another breed. Bantams are popular for his, as a Banty hen with nothing to set goes a little crazy — you have to provide them with some form of artificial egg to keep them happy. There are companies that make artificial eggs for this purpose, but golf balls usually work just as well.

  3. ordinarybutloud

    It’s only a $100 egg if it turns out to be the ONLY egg. If you get 100 more of them it’s not even a $1 egg. This is how I rationalize my ungodly expensive brussel sprouts.

  4. MelFamy

    This blog’s worth of ovoid humor was not devoid of humor in the slightest; I voided when I read the line comparing the egg’s weight to your libidinous output/day; avoid it at your peril

  5. jsolberg

    @MelFamy – Yeah, me’n Lloyd and Floyd emptied a bottle of Wild Turkey discussing the propriety of including the phrase you mention. Lloydie made a compelling point, I think, that a man of my age who still needs to go one-on-one in the zygote-weight racket, and especially with a goddamn chicken, might benefit from professional help. ‘Tell me where it hurts’, Dylan said, ‘..and I’ll tell ya who to call.’

  6. jsolberg

    @ordinarybutloud – Thanks for voicing the ‘glass half-full’ side. In fact, in “People vs Chicken Little” Alabama 1937, just such an argument convinced an irate hen-owner to settle out of court. Sorry, that’s the only precedent I found so far.

  7. jsolberg

    @HappierHeathen – Wise an accurate advice there, and thanks. The word here on the street is that having a rooster is just asking for neighbor bitching. (Plus, there’s nothing he can do that I can’t do better… Wait, maybe I better research that on the net. After turning off ‘Safe Search’.

  8. seedsower

    I love the way OBL thinks,and here’s hoping that all the eggs you get will average out to 1 cent eggs!@ordinarybutloud –  Wow,would I have some Brussels Sprouts for you in the fallmy husband grows them every year and I abhor the little balls of bitterness.


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