Oct 27th: Rear View Mirror Day

I picked a dumb time to leave Israel; start of the winter growing season and I just rented 7 acres of agricultural paradise. It fairly begs:’level me, plant me irrigate me, weed me, eat me’ and I’m off to dally in the frozen North American wilderness. Oh well.
Sincere apologies for my 40 page In-box of worthy posts un-commented-upon. Frankly, until all the shekel-dollar birds were in a line I considered it a sacrilege to divert precious time to frivolity. Historically, my time in the Untied Snakes is often spent on Xanga (30%) so do not fear. Even though I have a month’s work to finish in three weeks.

I’m reminded of a third grade joke:
Me: (to my random seat-mate on the Airbus-330, already eyeing the overhead area for an anchor-point for her noose) “Wow, those people look like ants from up here!”
She: “They *are* ants, you dumb-f&ck. We haven’t taken off yet.”
So I suppose ‘cuddle-time’ at Flight-level 310 is probably out of the question.
Jurassic Park taught me one thing: ‘Warning: Objects in the mirror may be larger (smaller?) than they appear.’ I expect to over-analyze my existence during the 12-hour smoke-less flight. The good, the bad and the ugly here in the Cradle of (-sic) Civilization.
My only (?)  loose end is that I leave a good two dozen tiger swallowtail caterpillars without any remaining Rue leaves to gobble. Not my fault their older cohorts nom-nom-ed all the low-hanging leaves. Again, oh well. Darwin predicted this evolutionary bottleneck, I’ll say, to assuage the guilt. I’m hoping Beth Seedsower can fix me up with like, 30 pounds of Rue seeds while I’m in the area. My like-new ’91 Subaru will be the key to a successful trip. ‘See the ‘merkins, you/ …in your Subaru.’; yeah, I remember the jingle well from the 60s.
CYA from the other side/ JS


Wu: Odd. I’d heard you were flying to the AMAZON, to check out the backward ‘NO-ZAMA’ tribesmen, in their froggy leather aprons, mebbe bringing back recordings of their poison-frog-tipped AM radio ‘Mister-Bow’® jingles, or even the rarely-documented tree-top performances of native-superstar ‘Mister Bo-Jungles’, singing in the sing-song native dialect, so far un-translated by Wycliff?
Me: So sorry. You were purposefully mis-informed, Wu. My apologies.


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46 thoughts on “Oct 27th: Rear View Mirror Day

  1. jsolberg

    @POETIC_ISIS – Ah, nico-patches is what they sent down to the Chilean miners… who sent them back up the shaft along with expletives and excrement. No, I’ll survive; spend the 12 hours dreaming up a perfect workaround. And seriously, if the minors could do it, oughta be child’s play for a major. // Meanwhile, let’s pray I get diverted to Miami, dear.

    Reply
  2. MelFamy

    “Miami’s full of Cubans. I hate Cubans!” — Clarence ‘Gatemouth’ Brown, to me, in a Tallahassee elevator.That was my claim to fame, before Katrina destroyed Brown’s home and broke his spirit(and his refusal to see a doctor about his lung cancer speeded up his departure of this phase of existence), I became the go-to guy when the subject of Gatemouth-Cuban relations was the topic of discussion. Free flights to New York, Los Angeles(1st class, natch), drinks in the Today Show green room whilst chatting with the likes of Lindsey Lohan’s Mom, trading quips with Bill Maher via satellite hook-up, and wiping drool from the chin of a passed-out Charlie Sheen on the set of the Charlie Rose show, those were the days. But our fickle nation all too soon moved on to other, less profound, topics of interest, and I’ve taken to haunting the elevators and front desks of trendy hotels on South Beach, seeking more celebrity revelations.Did you know Kim Kardashian thinks the President is kinda cute?

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  3. jsolberg

    @MelFamy – A guy like me knows when he’s out-classed, and meekly pulls his dunce-hat down over his eyes. In my day, the ‘Famous for?’ questionaire didn’t include “for being famous” as a choice. And Kim’s a bow-wow; even the guys down at the kiosk agree. Only in America. CYA, with any luck and a down-stream current.

    Reply
  4. Roadkill_Spatula

    I wish I had opportunity to get up to PA in the next few weeks. But I’m getting my work assignments knocked out in preparation for a week of interpreting Bogotá and a week of vacation in Medellín. So you’ll have to find someone else to help you repair your basement. I know no celebrities, except you and MelFamy. Say hello to Mr. Bulging Gals if you see him.

    Reply
  5. Roadkill_Spatula

    @jsolberg – yeah, and look what she came to. Did you get the lovely message from Elizabeth Marks yesterday? I would enjoy seeing how you might respond to her. I had some fun with darling Liz. Unfortunately she is ignoring my last e-mail.

    Reply
  6. Lovegrove

    Just watching Flight of the Dead on youtube. Zombies at 50,000 feet. Makes one positively nostagic for the Luftwaffe. I trust your flight to the colonial bakwoods was a less dramatic one.

    Reply
  7. jsolberg

    @piqued – why you little ‘agitator’. Actually I didn’t suffer much from de-tox; more from the sheer boredom of an all-night flight, watching the GPS screen, the dim lights of Bucharesti. And no, I’ve never owned a lap-top. I’m right next to the Buck tractor pulls; the joint is crawling in good-ole-boys.

    Reply
  8. jsolberg

    @ItsWhatEyeKnow – It’s ok, Lena. People are in counseling as we speak cuz she petted the neighbor’s dog… and their little “Fluffy’ was sick that day. Yeah, it’s like meeting the Pope, only she’s purtier.I missed my chance for free passage to FLA  Hijackings aren’t big this year. But I still dream of having enough time and cash to drive South. Lots of roadside attractions there:)

    Reply
  9. jsolberg

    @Lovegrove – yes, uneventful, unless you count my getting two meals by pretending the empty seat beside me was for my ‘lovely wife’, currently powdering her nose. The stewardesses ‘bought’ the ruse with  broad winks. Stuff like that makes me feel cocky.

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  10. jsolberg

    @elgan – We hit the tarmac gently on all 48 tires; compliments to the ‘airplane driver’. Philly’s such a wierd approach. You circle while killing  altitude about 6 times, it seems. Like a dog choosing the perfect place to lie down in Jericho/. Oh and we flew DIRECTLY over a small town in Quebec you might know well. Couldn’t get the window to roll down, but I did see your  porch light on at 4 AM.

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  11. jsolberg

    @splork_splork – I was ‘glum’, guess you could put it, all the way to the end of the plane, but mainly on the train, All the corn’s been picked, dreary outside, the sun’s low angle compared to Israel, and yes, the diseased political ‘debate’. Still, lovely tenants I just met, and now I’m even ecstatic. Scrapple helped too, ha

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  12. jsolberg

    @MedicMark – Yes, true, but sad in a way. A historical necessity for creating the  preference, as you know. We still end up with an admirable diversity though: jews as white as snow or black as coal, pork-eating Russians among the million or so of them, 400,000 mostly agricultural Thai workers, 16% Muslim and Christian Arabs, Somali, Ghanian and Nigerian refugees. Damn, where do we put them all, bless their hearts?

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  13. jsolberg

    @dirtbubble – Thanks. Yes, I always come intending to be a modern-day De-tocqueville, or Charles Kuralt at least. Starting small, today I’m concentrating on price-trends at Burger-King and watching kids grope their way in the dark to the morning school-bus. Crazy, three days ago I was on a roof in Israel at 5:30 AM. Here the sun rises, weakly, at 8.

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  14. jsolberg

    @ItsWhatEyeKnow – It’s actually a real possibility. I’ve made so damn many trips to the states without doing anything just for fun. All roads lead to Gainesville, huh? Funny, what I most want is a pix of me and Handsome, side by side, you know, friendly comparison. Roosters do that too, so we kewl. He wins of course, but still. Fun, not to mention meeting the rest of the exemplary brood:)

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  15. jsolberg

    @twoberry –  It’s ok, relax. ‘Zama’ in their language means ‘tea’ or ‘party’ or both; now to register them as voters.Hmm.. ‘Jacksonian’ used to have one meaning. Nowadays it could be Michael, Pollack, Browne… or half the phone book in some counties.

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  16. ZSA_MD

    So how long are you in the US? I am leaving for India in three weeks. Any chance for you to come to Illinois? I wish you had come when all the flowers were still blooming.We had a hard freeze a few days back and every thing is sleeping. It is so darn cold here. Other than that, the house and our hearts are nice and toasty. You are most welcome, if you can make it here.

    Reply
  17. jsolberg

    @SoftlyPearlsSlipOffAString – I’d heard of it, and just now watched the trailer and read the reviews. Now I’m afraid to watch it; I know I’d cry, I’m so damned paranoid about pretty girls getting hurt in any way. Yeah, superficial, but I can’t help it. Stay safe and warm, Sheryl.

    Reply
  18. jsolberg

    @ZSA_MD – yes, I heard of your exciting travel plans; you’ll be two weeks after Obama’s trip.Wish I had any time to visit; I’m on a busy mission; Had a few hours to carrouse with Beth (Seedsower) today, but she’s just an hour away. And luckily, flowers grow year-round in Israel and I assume in much of India. ‘Next year in Quincy’, as we say.

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  19. TheMetalAge

    Thank you so very much for your kind words. And also for being the very first person to “rec” a post of mine. You popped my cherry, as it were. Seriously, though, finding your page was quite a fun find. Using this site at times seems like if a pet swallows up a piece of jewelry and you’re left sifting through the excrement to find it again. Through time, eventually, you’ll find the gem, but not before dirtying your hands on countless piles of shit.

    Reply

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