White House issues firm statement on Doggerel

I’m so lucky. I have two Presidents; Shimon Peres, who proves that if you’re lucky, you get smarter every year, even unto dotage, and Barack Hussein Obama, off to a shaky but brave start despite the ankle-biters. A bonus is that I can pledge allegiances  to all three mono-theistic religions(?).
     Be all that as it may, I was thrilled to hear the Oval office come out unambiguously Tuesday morning in support of doggerel’s inclusion under the First Amendment Right of Free Speech. An un-named aide clarified his point hours later, citing but paraphrasing Voltaire “I disagree with infantile rhyme and meter, but I shall die a million deaths defending its right to be published, at least on back-water web-sites like Xanga, and bearing in mind ‘sensitivity’ to the wishes of the vast majority who’ve given their lives defending blank verse.”
Background: The press conference was prompted by mounting pressure on the Obama Administration to rename the ‘Joyce Kilmer Service Area’, located in New Brunswick, New Jersey just 35 miles southeast of Ground Zero, after someone other than the Catholic doggerel-ist and  ‘male bearer of a woman’s name’.
His untimely death on the battlefield during World War I not-withstanding, critics on AM radio across the country have questioned the propriety of   “‘Iambic Pentameter.?…and  at a time when the nation is still in mourning?” to quote one vocal foe. Asked what poetic form would in fact be a fitting memorial to the fallen, this spokesman for the right-wing “Obama; come clean about your shoe size!” action-group could only mention sonnets and haikus as also in bad taste, being ‘a foot in the door for ‘foreign influences’, and adding that ..“Kilmer was mysteriously ‘somewhere in France’ when his nation needed him”.
     One hopes that the elected leader of the free world will stand firm in his wise poetic policies like a mighty oak. The challenges are daunting: pecked by wood-peckers, pissed upon by running dogs, and having his acorns held up for microscopic scrutiny, he needs the support of fair souls worldwide.

And here is my small, legal for now, contribution to the heated debate. 

So this is how we write a Poem
The final word’s your home-sweet-home
You make a list of words which rhyme
And then the step: (which does take time)

First pin them to the styrofoam
Assess ’em with a fine-toothed comb
A land-bridge spanning Nome and Rome?
A tome lost in the Astrodome?

Dig deeply in the English loam
You’ll find the missing chromosome
Or not… Then even Saint Jerome
can’t help you. ‘May God bless this poem

Wu: Maybe you ought to state your point less obscurely?
Me: Where’s the fun in that; either for me or for the wise reader?
Wu: You know, say like, ‘It’s a parody of the unnecessary debate on the (sic) ‘Al Qaida Centre’ in Manhattan, only using doggerel as a substitute, and a fitting one at that’.
Me: Or an excuse to print a poem I just wrote, which explains how I write ’em.
Wu: Or a way to distinguish between readers who needed this spoiler and those who didn’t?
Me: Ah, now you’re getting warm, Wuzie. But how do you ever know the difference.
Wu: You just know… sometimes. It’s subtle. The cost of (trying to be) clever.
Me: Hey, what’s with the ‘trying to be’? That’s like changing the sign to read “Solberg ‘claims to be‘ the King of the Jews”
Idk. Might as well be modest, especially since you have so much to be modest about…


26 thoughts on “White House issues firm statement on Doggerel

  1. jsolberg

    @doahsdeer – Great; one more reason to stand with Reason and against the darker forces within us/them. And I spent half a day there once in ’67, disoriented ( although facing east) waiting to be rescued from my shitty life in the bowels of the East Village. Many thanks for the Rec, Jeff

  2. Roadkill_Spatula

    Haven’t been to the Joyce Kilmer rest stop, nor that of his/her sister/brother Val. So far I have successfully accomplished (pleonasm) my life’s ambition of avoiding New Jersey.

  3. an_OM_aly

    should we call him Al or Fred?he won’t care because he’s deadshould we have a fireplace or forest?or a memorial bad poetry contest?let’s just have a triangle or squarePhilip’s (w)roth and doesn’t care

  4. HappierHeathen

    I suspect it’s just more radical New Yawkas getting all sensitive-ish. What can be said about a city in which the trees have all been rounded up and locked in a concentration camp?

  5. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula – Hmm.. I only go there for the spicy hot-doggerels at the recently re-opened “New Casanova House Restaurant”. Other than that, NJ is a La Brea Tar Pit/Arm-Pit all over again. (Oops, we just lost New Jersey)

  6. jsolberg

    @llibra – Ha, you’re just saying that cuz it’s legal for now. Nice rhymes, L. Reminds me of Mose Allison’s”..but if you must talk nonsense/Please, try to make it rhyme/Cuz your mind is on vacation/But yo mouth is working overtime”

  7. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula –  Yup, I spent an hour last night boning up on the Musk-ox for research. They adopt a defensive position, which I thought relevant.// And of course there’ve sadly been masks at ground zero already, in the immediate aftermath of the awful events.

  8. Lovegrove

    Sew yer da jing ov da kews. That explains a lot that has happened since Caesar the Geezer  put the torch to Jerry’s rude saloon. I’m all for the Oirish getting to be king. At least we could all get a drink at midnight.

  9. gnostic1

    Well, this explains so much! For one thing  I can apparently cross “servicing” Joyce Kilmer off my list of things to do in Jersey.  I’m now wondering just who I gave two hundred dollars to for a “lube job” behind the Martha Washington Service Station in Roanoke.For another, I’ve learned that doggerel can be a weapon for humour, as well as political change.Is it possible to further enflame passions and create a lot of buzz by proposing that this islamic cultural centre also honour the WW2 Shinto followers of the Emperor-God? We could call it Mosque-H’ito.Very well done! Got to run.

  10. gnostic1

    I’m back I had to deal with a marijuana farmer who had a labour dispute with one of his guard bears.Running away stopped me from adding something inappropriate about it technically not being ground zero- more like incinerated passenger jet. Luckily I didn’t say that.What I wanted to say was something about a reasonable distance at which to place the Islamic Cultural Center. How about they build it at two feet more than he who throws the first rock can throw?

  11. flatpick46

    My ignorance I must confessAnd that without much duressJoyce Kilmer the man with woman’s nameI’m completely aware of his/her fameBut never did I realizeBeaneath the polluted Jersey skiesA monument of honored blissA place for travelers to stop and piss

  12. jsolberg

    @flatpick46 – Wow, impressive. This may be the time to confess I thought he/she was a women until I was 57. ‘Trees’ is Kilmer’s only poem which is well-known. As to rest-stop piss, yeah, I feel bad now. Had I known better, I would have said a gender-appropriate blessing when I washed my hands. Assuming I did.My poems are all ‘song-ready’. Yup, I consider that a service to humanity. To make the lyrics scan right, with no dumb bumps. Thanks for your comment, guy.

  13. jsolberg

    @gnostic1 – You do have chapter and verse for that zoning clause. And as to tossing stones, or more active incendiary devices, we do need to remember the ‘shooting gallery’ part of the first Iraq war, where hundreds of thousands of conscripted and luckless Iraqi soldiers and civilians had their own mini/maxi-ground zero. I’m raising funds to build a mega-church along the highway out of Baghdad


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