Papillo High-anxiety and other Quandaries

1) Due to a heavy work schedule, the Management of Solberg Lepidopteral Services, Ltd has
regrettably been forced to adopt the following policy change:
Butterflies not emerging from their chrysalis by 7:00 AM local time (Jerusalem Daylight Time/ GMT+3 will ‘NOT‘  receive fruit-cup.
You will be released to the wide world between 11AM and 4 PM as our schedule permits, and no excuses will be accepted. Thank you for your understanding/ Johnny the Big Nurse

2) Meteor, schmeteor! I don’t wanna hear it; ‘Wow, what an impressive shower!” By me it was a drip, to be charitable. Five toothpicks-in-the eyeballs-hours up on the roof, under perfect ‘seeing’ conditions, and I counted seven(7) Sears’ ‘Good’®  meteors. With the time I’m losing today, Friday, because I feel dead tired, they cost me approx 100 shekels apiece, not including sales-tax (15%) Never again. ‘Fall, mountains, just don’t fall on me’ (J. Hendrix)
3) At least I wrote a couple ditties while waiting for goddamn Godot.
Bust One

Took a bath on the meteor shower…/ We
Paid in advance for the show/ She
Saw six or seven an hour../ then said:
“Pleiades, Honey, let’s go.”

Bust Two

I’m touched by the busts of Pam-and-her-son
They both are a charm in the night
A toss-up which one is more wondersome
I think it’s the one on the right

At which point I began to lash out at innocent classical musician/bystanders:

Bust Three
I’m choppin’ the head off-of Chopin
It’s ‘De-capitation or bust
Impossible Polanaise showman?
Meet ‘Hatchet in C sharp, ‘non sust’

My fingers will never recover
There’s parts, gotta play with your nose(!)
Say ‘bye’ to your mother-slash-lover
I’ll remember to mail her a rose

4) Thence to Tomato Death:

You can clearly see that I have red ones and green ones, on the same plant, What, they individually get a signal from outer space? The disease is a virus, Verticilium, my best guess. Invisible to the nekkid-eye (I looked last night sans-external raiment). The virus itself is unwittingly spread by a hard-to-see white-fly. It mutates every year, in reaction to Man’s efforts to kill it. Ha, another million years and it’ll be walking on all four and have a Xanga
site, complete with embarrassing grammar. Devolution. Every living being survives, seemingly, on
the death of some other competing also-ran. I have no idea whether my betrothed tomatoes chose ‘Death B-4 Dishonour’. Believe me, I’d intended to lovingly plant their seeds. But that’s water over the Solanis Dam. Next month I’ll invest in ‘resistant’ seeds, barring that I myself should succumb to a virus, god forbid *spits*

5) These cats are now grown-ups. I’ve done my job. The hours they increasingly spend breaking everything I own could be spent outside catching mice. I’ll see to that before sun-down.
Wait: Mice with viruses? Oops, ok, another week here in Heaven I’ll grant you-uns guys, but that’s the limit.  I only have one un-broken coffee-cup left.

A pleasant weekend… (and notice I didn’t mention ‘Positive’ even once, not in so many words.)

Wu: Nobody say anything about your poems. Sad.
Me: “Forgive them, for they know not what they be not doin'”
Wu: Wow. Christ-like. How many cheeks you got left, btw?
Me: No, seriously, Scarlet Moth’s delicious phrase ‘Praise without Merit’ has never been more apt. The scourge historically of the fully-fledged intellectual: to see someone  get 157 (sic) ‘Your Awesome’s. For a jumble of meaningless un-rhymed and un-rhythmed swill. I’ve seen poorly-bagged stool-specimens at old-folks homes that were more attractive. What ya gonna do?
Wu: ‘Things are different today/ I hear every mother say/ Don’t you realize, it’s hard to write a poem?’
Me: I do work hard to create little feats. And without any mother’s little helpers. Oh well.
Wu: So give up on Xanga. Go to Poets-dot-com?
Me: Nah. The virus is in everybody’s eggs. I’ll stick with ‘our’ son-of-a-bitch for now.
Wu: Wow, Jesus, Mick Jagger, Everett Dirksen, Fire-sign Theatre, did I miss anybody?


33 thoughts on “Papillo High-anxiety and other Quandaries

  1. SoapAndShampoo

    Your cats are dedicated to their jobs, hard workers. They could be outside catching mice, but cats never eschew their duties in favor of selfish recreation. Breaking things is a dirty job, but if the cats don’t do it, who well?Now, if that’s not positive news, I don’t know what is.

  2. elgan

    Usually I end up with rotten tomatoes, or my plants get all mildewed or something. This year I tried a new variety, a lycopene-rich hybrid, and my plants are incredibly healthy, covered with lots and lots of unripe fruit which I just hope turns red before our first frost. What I wouldn’t give for a longer growing season. I also heard that the various annual meteor showers are becoming less spectacular because the cosmic dust that causes them is getting less all the time. We need to find a new source. Whaddaya say?

  3. jsolberg

    @doahsdeer –  ha. That’s the spirit, Jeff. Like I said, we gotta keep each other on our toes, for the young-un’s sakes. (I’ve searched in vein (sp?) for a typo, btw. ‘You-uns’ gets a ‘bye’, until the OED excepts it.

  4. jsolberg

    @elgan –  Gourd-speed with your harvest. I felt just awful about mine till I realized I hadn’t been singled poisonally out by a malevolent god. And Swift-Tuttle was less than swift this year. Perhaps it’ll dirty up a bit under my tutelage…

  5. doahsdeer

    @jsolberg – Don’t open a vain.  I checked the pocket of my dungrees and there among my sundaries, I leafed through my merriam-webster and learned (and I hope I’m not crossing any boundries) that the plural of quandary was quandaries.

  6. jsolberg

    @doahsdeer – Oh my! If true, my reputation is shot. Seriously, eternal vigilance; the price of fame. I’ll check my own dick-shun-aires, and fix it if need be. A team we turn out to be:). Btw, it was Elgan (above) who so sweetly, and not that long ago, alerted me to my own problem with it’s/its. A more sympathetic editor one could only dream of.

  7. HappierHeathen

    I prefer non-deterministic tomatoes to match my non-deterministic life. Verticillium wilt, well, keep it over yonder if you will. And just in case it needs saying, crop rotation and avoiding splashing water around the plants goes a long way toward preventing it. Save The Maters! Oh, and burn the foliage at the end of the season as Verticillium has been know to survive the heat of composting. Just in case it needed saying.I went to school with a fat kid, William Shauer. Saw a meatier Schauer every day for five years. Maybe we could look him up and send him a plane ticket to get out your way. Last I heard he was a urologist in Southern California. But boy you should have seen his sister. She looked good even when her hair was green from swimming in the public pool. The joke that was originally scheduled for this space has been canceled.Sorry about your love apples. Better luck next time!

  8. jsolberg

    @HappierHeathen – Ha. I have a clock-work life here, except that it’s regulated by Cesium beta-decayNot to worry, I already plan to ‘sacrifice’ even the potting soil in the 25 containers, not to mention 451 Fahrenheit minimum for the foilage. But there’s no escape. Here, Methyl Bromide gas, under hermetic polyethylene sheeting, is still used despite a world-wide ban. A quandry. Speaking of jokes, your last post almost requires 3 drummers for stand-up rim-shots alone. Haven’t recently met a blogger who holds to a material-rich standard like that. I’ll comment on-site.

  9. jsolberg

    @transvestite_rabbit – Ha, I *did* think about calling that segment ‘Christmas in August’. I’m eating them one-by-one, as they prove themselves. Still, a sad, (Jez, how do you say it in English?), ‘accommodation’ to today’s virused globe. The trick is to avoid taking the blight personally. My fondest karmic wishes for a to-die-for salad in your eco-region, and thanks, deeply, for the comment.

  10. gnostic1

    “Pleiades, Honey” and “little feats” come tip toeing in very micely. Too bad your viewing was less than (paws for effect) stellar. I recall one night spent lying on the hood of my car with two very speepy boys who failed to see the magic of the spheres. 

  11. Roadkill_Spatula

    I gave up on star-gazing long ago. Nothing compares to the stars I saw when I lived on the Mosquito Coast and there were only a handful of electric lights in the whole state of Gracias a Dios. We had the same incredible Milky Way overhead in the Colombian jungle in the early 1960s, along with satellites. Haven’t been anywhere in the US to compare; too much light pollution.Those are mischievous-looking cats. And a nice tile floor. I’ll be starting a very similar one (16″ squares) this week; took me all weekend to prep the floor, what with baseboards, carpet tack-strips, 30 years’ accumulation of sand, and chipping up old tiles in the entryway and in front of the fireplace. And bathroom vinyl, the adhesive residue of which I still need to deal with. And three trips to Home Depot to bring tiles and mortar in my little Toyota Frontier.

  12. jsolberg

    @Roadkill_Spatula – Wow, I just now recalled a book I read once; ‘Mosquito something..” What’s happened to my memory? At least I grew up in total night-time darkness, thank god. We have that.My first tile job was done with a how-to book secretly open on the seat of my van “Yes, you can lay tile!” I think. I’d been advertised falsely as being experienced by my then partner in order not to lose a big contract. Nevermind, the finished floor was near-perfect… for two days until the customer and her dogs and kids spilled everything you could think of on it, Pearls before swine. Yeah that should have been the colour name.

  13. Roadkill_Spatula

    @jsolberg – I can imagine that you would do anything meticulously, even if (or maybe more so if) it’s a new task. Perfectionism has its rewards. / I redid a kitchen floor in one of my ex’s rentals; the vinyl adhesive residue had kept the mortar from bonding, so after a few years the tiles came loose. I popped them loose, did more scraping, and painted the concrete with a bonder, which may or may not help, but then the big problem was that the tenants walked on the tile a couple of hours after I laid it. So I had to go back next day and lay it again. On top of that, the tenant had the gall to hit me up for $5 for gas for his truck. / In my own house, the kitchen and entryway tiles sound hollow now, for the same reason. The grout is intact so I haven’t bothered with them. I think if I do those areas again, I’ll use adhesive remover and then maybe an etcher and/or a bonder. Do you have any better solutions?

  14. MelFamy

    Great work here! The wife and I stayed up until 2 a.m. ; she saw two meteors and I saw none. In honor of the tepid show, I renamed it the Pusseid Shower.

  15. jsolberg

    @MelFamy –  Glad I’m not alone, although a fantastic display would be more or a thrill on which to compare notes. I was profoundly fatigued for two days. (In addition to the 100 degree heat/near 100% humidity here.

  16. Vukovi

    Hey Guy, Thanks for checking out my lame blog…yours seems much more interesting! Would it be all right if I classified you as a ‘coot’ after only reading one entry? Maybe even a little bit of a curmudgeonly one?


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