Blogger to Logger to Ogre: A Ballad of Successive Loss

     Actually it’s a limerick-cum-ballad-cum-doggerel, but if I call it that in the title I’ll have too many Top-Blog slut-hits to count ’em all.
   This is a morality-play on a fellow who suffers having his first letter repeatedly chopped off. But you knew that, Clever Reader.

Our Hero, he called himself ‘Blogger’
(Which rhymes, not with ‘wager’  but ‘lager’ )
Now I’ll bet you a beer,
You’ll be glad you came here
To hear his remarkable saga(r)

He enrolled in community college
To further his putative knowlege
‘Be Blessed!’ in red ink,
the Prof scrawled, with a link
to a web-site with JPEG’s of ‘foilage’.

A year, which can seem like a moment…
Spent our Hero in parsing that comment:
Aha! it’s ‘Be ‘B’-less. -ed’
‘Logger’, I’ll be in-stead
Xanga of late makes me vomit.

So off to the forest he ventured
serving Nature, although non-‘indentured’
He felled the tall trees
Fighting mad seas of bees
But at least was not graded nor censured.

“I was hot with them Ballads.” he boasted
But it’s ‘All-ads’ now; the-site where I hosted
Guess things could be worse:
He’s  ‘A lad with a purse’?
Anyway; think my muse’s exhausted.

With an axe prolly made by a Tzarist
He chopped at King-Oak-of-the Forest
When it started to fall
It was anyone’s call
‘Can the tree or Our Hero run far-est?’

Well the ground was all rutted and muddy
‘Get the ‘L outa there!’ yelled his buddy
But a branch struck his crown
As the acorns rained down
He awoke feeling seri-ous-ly nutty

One glance in the pickup-truck mirror
And he knew that The End had come nearer
Neither Blogger nor Logger
‘I been ‘aug-ed’ with an auger?’
I’m an Ogre now; what could be queer-er?

And the Moral:

You can start-up your Page in the Black
But if  Creative and Sparkness you Lack
You will first lose your ‘B’
Then the ‘L’; sad to see a guy
Die without even an Ack

There once was a Blogger so Bland
They exiled him to some foreign Land
Where Page-views were banned
So he sat in the sand
And his only conjunction was ‘And’

This song has a point; (just don’t Blink)
I could time-stamp and furnish a Link
But the process is draining
see ya when it stops raining
Plus it looks like I’m all out of Ink

Shit happens, guys, even to Blake
Walden dealt with that, down by the Lake
But do watch yer ass
Them’re man-eating bass
You may wind up a-head, but with ‘-ache’

Wu: You’ll be back shortly with an audio version?
Me: How’d ya know?


38 thoughts on “Blogger to Logger to Ogre: A Ballad of Successive Loss

  1. elgan

    Being multilingual as I am, but thankfully blessed with only one tongue for licking green stamps, pasting them into booklets and redeeming them for a new toaster (does anyone remember that stuff?), I recall the French blessure is a wound and to be blessé is to be wounded. That is no blessing.

  2. jsolberg

    @elgan – Well whadya know? I parley the francoise without knowing it, (in that my Hero was indeed ‘blesse-ed here.) And sure, I licked the S&H stamps till my tongue fell off; all for my errant Mom, who never used ’em to buy the junior-spy-camera on page 99, the cheap-skate. Damn.

  3. jsolberg

    @sonnetjoy – oui, I saw that tag too; thought it meant ‘rest in peace’ or something like that in frankish/ And with Xanga’s current spiral-into-blog-Hell, yes, one does need to avoid the hot as in radioactive-decay -button keywords. Ugh. Waiting for your well-tanned photo monster-montage, dear. And tell Pen to show his face sometime here.

  4. jsolberg

    @POETIC_ISIS – Bill is Ill; too many L.L. Beans I guess. I’ll expedite the audio with yer mind in mind. Technically, suffers from BLOS (blogger/logger/ogre syndrome have unwisely chosen a word which upon successive removal of the B and the L, still results in yet another legitimate word. Blend/Lend/End is a common causative factor, although Wiki as of this morning lacks an entry for the malady.

  5. AOK4WAY

    Thanks my friend, what fun! Just what the doctor ordered! I considered sharing a few limericks I wrote years ago, but I remembered that they were offensive to my cell mates at the time, so maybe I should hold off on those lol. Peace and love to you

  6. jsolberg

    @AOK4WAY – That’s an achievment worth bragging rights though, poetry what makes sailors and cons blush. Go for it, but stressing the importance of time and place, self-expression… all that good stuff.

  7. AOK4WAY

    @jsolberg – There once was a girl I called Patches.There ain’t a disease she don’t catches.Once, while on her knees,She picked up some fleas,And that’s why poor Patches now scratches.Patches didn’t like that one lol.

  8. MelFamy

    My favorite limerick of all time:A gay Irish priest in New Delhihad the Lord’s Prayer tatooed on her bellyBy the time a young Brahmingot down to the AmenHe’d blown both salvation and Kelly.

  9. gnostic1

    Look at you! Shooting up the charts with a bullet! The folks love their versifiers.Nice art-form you’ve created. It should spell the final demise of the Haiku.

  10. gnostic1

    Sorry to run away but I had to deflate all my orange balloons, fold them carefully and tuck them away for another four years. Now where was I? Oh yes, working with your diminishing  word technique:In the belly of my copper stillI ferment rye from land that I till.But the whiskey’s a blight’Though its flavour is light.Every morning I feel deathly ill.I find when I try to amendA limerick in order to mendA fault in the rhymingOr conflict in timingI mess up the way it will finish.     Thanks for the fu

  11. jsolberg

    @gnostic1 – Yes, I’ve oddly been listed, frequently of late up(?)there with the true top-guns. And all that without using the Hi-Q form even once. Was ‘turning Japanese’ just a fad?

  12. ItsWhatEyeKnow

    This made me grin.  I love how your commenters are leaving you their own little ditties.  You are an inspiration!  Now if you’ll excuse me a have a “B” to hack off and a wood to enter.

  13. heart_beep

    I have very weak arms but a mighty strong pen of late so I hope I stay “blessed” and can keep blogging rather than go logging!  I love your play on words!

  14. jsolberg

    @ItsWhatEyeKnow – Thanks, Lena. Yes it is an energizing pleasure, down here with the true xanga elite, far from the madding but feet-ured club-footed LOLs.I even wrote one for you, last night falling asleep, regarding your taking on the hoardes of pop-whores:A Blogger whose future looked BleakGot on Xanga-TV; took a LeakShoulda pissed off the staffAll they did, though, was laugh:”Out of this sh*t, a living we eke”I’ll buy Premium the day they spend the money on quality-control in the editor’s room.

  15. jsolberg

    @heart_beep –  well, you can always just cut down small trees. Saplings.A secret: I started to play with words during long nights in Jaffa here, when the traffic jams out of Tel Aviv made driving home a ‘bad decision’. Something free and available, quiet and safe. Thanks so much for reading, my friend.

  16. heart_beep

    @jsolberg – My pleasure.  I don’t think I’ve ever stopped by your site but Tim (Roadkill_Spatula) is always doing tributes to you so I thought I’d stop on over.  I’m certainly glad I dropped by.  Oh, and yes, saplings would be about the only size tree I could handle!

  17. Roadkill_Spatula

    @heart_beep – @jsolberg – Yoni, I think you often had maybe four comments the first time I came over here some months ago. Now you’re a rock star, and I take personal credit for your well-deserved increase in popularity. (Statistics can mean anything I want, as they taught me in grad school.)


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