Whether Rapport four Isreal?

    And you peoples wander why I have Irritable Vowel Syndrome. Ha. Lucky I don’t suffer (yet) from In-consonant-ce. This scream-capture is from the Official (Government-funded) Israeli Meteor-urological Web-Sight. That means I pay taxes through the nose for it. Taxing to read, is all I can say. The Hebrew site is generally error-free, at least in the spelling department. But every few days I check the english abortion, just for yuks, I guess. Hey, native english speakers make up, I’d guess, less than 3% of our population. A docile minority, known for their ability to suffer perverted prose in silence. Still.. glance at the photo below, and then allow me to decipher the coded message-in-a boggle:

israel whether rapport
1)  ‘sothern’ = southern, but without ‘you’ in the picture, I suppose
2)  ‘vadies’ are wadies, dry desert stream-beds, where ‘V’ and ‘W’ have long since evaporated themselves of any linguistic importance
3) ‘fress’ winds are harsh and voracious; they blow here from Germany, and can eat a man alive.
4)  ‘dengerous’, high waves notwithstanding, refers to the ever-present risk of contracting dengue fever from bravely bathing in septic system runoff on our pristine(?) beaches
5)  ‘isoleted’ thunderstorms are a bitch. They contain sleet, and attack without warning, in a constant phobia of being deleted.
6) And finally, ‘maily’ in the north? Yes, residents of sectors ‘R’ and ‘W’ receive letters direct to their P.O. boxes. The lucky suckers. Three weeks after the fact, but still, damn. I pay taxes too.

Seriously(?), Imagine if you will that the US government ran a web-site with 15% spelling errors. Would anyone complane? I’m thinking yeah, but then again, I don’t have to live there. Here, an MRI +three consultations with world-class neuro-opthamalogists costs me $19,95 plus tax. Can’t win ’em all, I guess. My sincerest hopes that you people will someday enjoy a  minimally-functionally health-care program. To mis-quote Everett Dirksen: “A trillion here (Iraq), a trillion there (Afgan-hounds), and pretty soon we’re talking real money.” Which reminds me: I’ve e-mailed the bozos at the Israeli Meteorological Service offering to spell-check their postings for free, daily. No response so far. Hmm.. First step in grammatical sobriety is always to admit one has a Problem.


19 thoughts on “Whether Rapport four Isreal?

  1. forwhomthebelsentolls

    Is “fress” the same as “khamseen” wind?  The word “fress” I guess is like the Yiddish expression “fressing” which means eating, I learned that from an ex-girlfriend who was half Jewish and thought she knew some Yiddish.  She knew money.  Actually my sister introduced me to her and they knew each other from Sarah Lawrence.  I think she used me to shock her parents because they had thought she only dated girls.”Fress” also reminds me of “freier”, and “freikhah”.  I’d love to find myself a freikhah on the beach and with my luck I’d probably catch gonococcus that way.  Let’s listen to some Hatfield In The North.

  2. ItsWhatEyeKnow

    I bet they want to respond to your offer but are afraid that you’ll find typos in that too!  ;)Yeah, I too would endure spelling blunders over a crap heathcare system any day. 

  3. scifiknitter

    If English isn’t even the official language, I guess the standards can slip. “So go learn Hebrew already, everything is perfect on that site,” I can hear the officials saying.

  4. jsolberg

    @scifiknitter – I *do* use the hebrew site 95% of the time, but there’s a principle involved. Grownups shouldn’t traipse around with their pants around their ankles; not in public at least. This site represents a country which needs all the int’l respect it can earn. I’ve seen better english from S. Yemen’s website. Even a grade-school spell-check program would have fixed every one of these duh errors. And english is one of our three official languages, required of every student as a requirement for graduation. The ‘whethermen’ need to hire a 10 yr-old kid, pay him in bubble-gum… or as they spell it “bable gom”  

  5. jsolberg

    @andyglasser – Oy, an interesting, if cynical, point, Andy.  You are sadly correct: there would go a full-time position… and the perk of some lackey to hire his no-talent wife/mistress/babysitter. Can’t believe I didn’t consider that angle. 

  6. royal_diadem

    what a nightmare! there was a time when i couldn’t tell the difference between v and w but that was a long time ago. people of many different linguistic backgrounds can’t hear the difference. sort of like how in mandarin, there are eight different ways to say “ma” but if you don’t speak mandarin, you probably couldn’t tell the difference. well at least i can’t.

  7. jsolberg

    @royal_diadem – yes, I keep a distance from mandarin, knowing my intellectual limits, ha. Arabic, the source of ‘wadi’ has a ‘W’. We don’t. (One can ID the speaker’s language from a distance with binoculars  even without hearing him, from the shape of  the mouth articulating the ‘w’. Handy, sadly, for now) 

  8. jsolberg

    @llibra – ha. funny except if you  have a customer’s roof open to the sky and actually need to know what the forecast is. I may approach them again, and ask “What, is this site some kind of a joke?”

  9. jsolberg

    @MelFamy – Ha, I woulda had fun with that one. But guess what? Today’s forecast is perfectly spelled… including some ‘really hard words’. They read my post and were sore ashamed, I’m betting.

  10. elgan

    This reminds me of my posting of the label on the caustic drain opener badly translated from the original French. I suppose one could claim he is writing in English as it was penned in Chaucer’s day, where spellings were not consistent and all that mattered was the phonic result. I suppose.


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