Training the Train or “Poop on the tracks”

Here’s a little interview that Gnudha (“The Holy Gee“) did with Joey Reynolds Jr. of KCQM-FM about a week ago. Joey came prepared, and sympathetic, I’d even say.. (no “Hey, what’s with the horns?” dumb questions). I think it gave the listener(s) a little better idea of what His Rightness is working on..

Joey Reynolds: So, what are you up to, Mr Gnudha?
Gnudha: *holds notepad up to the mike* This!
JR: *laughs* Ok, no, we ain’t on TV yet, buddy.. Says here *reads* Trying to train the train to use the latrine. That’s a.. ah.. a private endeavor?
G: Well, kinda. I got a small grant from the Israeli Transit Authority
JR: How small?
G: Dollar ninety-five, US..
JR: Figured. So.. how’s it going so far?
G: Not so well. Entrenched thought patterns’re hard to break..
JR: Like?
G: Like “Hey, nobody’s looking, I’ll just piss on this tree” ‘n shit like that there..
JR: You tried..
G: Yeah, electronic devices. He disables ’em.. even with the epoxy filler.
JR: ..appeal to conscience?
G: Hell, I appealed to everything but the Holy Trinity.. Dunna wanna work.
JR: Any sucesses, like, at all?
G: Well I did write a little test, it’s now required.. ya know, every train’s gotta pass it before he can go out on the tracks, but..
JR: ..but they ‘dumbed it down’, right?
G: How’d you know? Yeah, five true’n false questions, most of ’em like.. duh!
JR: You know, I’d figure most of the problem’s the caboose.. am I right there?
G: Hell, I didn’t think of that, I been working mainly with the engines.. figured peristalsis’ll just work its way on back. Top down, you know..
JR: I’d say ‘Train your caboose and the rest will follow..
G: Hey, I’ll give it a shot. Something’s gotta work or I’ll have to..
JR: Give back the buck ninety-five, huh, Gnudhie?
G: No, worse..
JR: What could be worse?
G: My other contracts, my reputation, like, the Franco-Israeli Friendship League’s got me lined up to prove that ‘Marcel Proust was never a repressed, over-priced priest with a prostate problem.. or at least that he had no recollection of it, assuming he was..
JR: They’re paying you for that?
G: Nah, that one’s pro-bono. I lose a little on each job, but I make it up on volume..
JR: Well, somebody’s got to do it. Hey our time’s about up, so Good luck with your train-poop..
G: Thanks, Joey.. nice to hear you say that. Bye for now..

gnu on the air

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6 thoughts on “Training the Train or “Poop on the tracks”

  1. elgan

    An Israeli was once on the looseWho thought he’d run over a moose     ’Til the buck cried, “Hey, Jew!      I’m not a moose, I’m a gnu!Now get off me with that groysse caboose.”

    Reply
  2. IceSword2

    Now, I’m definitely a fan of the work you do as a poet, and your system for generating witty lyricisms that roll off the tongue is sheer genius. That said, I’m a bit put off by the practice of pointing it out and showing it off, like it’s supposed to start a new fad. Why can’t it be your system, your secret that the rest of the world will only discover centuries later? Why would you give up this real chance at historic greatness for the off chance that you’ll get a relevant Xanga comment out of it? It just seems like your selling yourself short. Also, it seems to me that if your poetry is really good, you should be getting a lot more than tollway fare out of the deal. Maybe Isreali publishing rates are just that bad. If that’s the case, you should definitely come back to the states where writers can get paid to produce works of art.Your pal,Austin

    Reply

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